As I wove through the mountains on the Sea to Sky highway, singing along to the Wicked soundtrack with AC on high to cool us in the growing heat on route to Williams Lake, I was struck with the overwhelming realization – I have no school tomorrow. I will not see my Grade 7s off to high school. I will not get to listen to them talk about their summer plans, their fall plans, their anxieties and excitements about the coming changes. I will not be imparting wisdom into their spongey brains, or listen to their quiet victories as they finally understand the math I’ve been teaching them. I will not get to tell them, for the hundredth time, to stop underestimating their intelligence and perseverance, that they “got this” and can complete the assignment to the best of their abilities if they would just take it one step at a time. I will not greet them in the morning, sign their planners in the afternoon and mark their assignments all night. For a majority of them, I will most likely never see them again.

And this is only the first time this is going to happen to me.

It took a few days to let the end of practicum sink in. I didn’t think it would be such a mental transition. I thought that I would take all my stuff home, set my daybook on the dining room table with all the other junk I accumulated over the past 10 weeks, and feel the sadness that was sure to come as it does with any form of goodbye. And while I cried, especially reading over the heartfelt messages some of the students left me, it still didn’t feel real. But now, as I sit hours away from the school, I know there is no going back. At least not to the class that I’m now used to. Does it feel this way every time?

We are encouraged to cultivate relationships with our students to better the learning environment – “[t]eachers who experience close relationships with students reported that their students were less likely to avoid school, appeared more self-directed, more cooperative and more engaged in learning” (Rimm-Kaufman & Sandilos, 2016). I believe this is true, whole heartedly. While the rambunctiousness will still be there (no amount of connection with the teacher will ever abolish the natural behaviours of most children), they tend to be calmer when there is a sense of camaraderie in the class. Even if one of the comrades is the teacher. And yet, in cultivating these relationships, there is a level of attachment that is created between the teacher and the students.

One study, that I have not been able to track down, describes an account of a teacher whose class becomes such a tight knit community that they would defend each other, including the teacher, to anyone who seemed to be talking down about the class or didn’t fit in just yet. As oddly wonderful as it can seem (except for the part where the new kids were often shunned unless they fit in seamlessly), the end of the year had to have been somewhat traumatic for the students. It’s true that they would likely be carrying on into the next grade level with at least some of their classmates, but it would not be the same – it would not be that exact classroom, with that exact mix of kids and that exact teacher leading the charge. And the teacher would have a whole new group to get to know and create the community with. It had to have been difficult for all of them involved. Yet, the teacher plans to do this to some degree every year. How do you do this over and over again and not get worn down by how emotionally taxing it is?

Granted, this was my first class and we went on quite a journey together – we learned from each other, and they will always hold a special place in my heart. And I’m sure in the days to come, I’ll be busy enough to stop wondering what their doing in class, if soandso is struggling with their math and completing their work, or that one kid is still taking the longest route around the class to socialize with all their friends before getting a drink of water (the answer will always be yes to the latter. It’s just who they are.). Right now, though, as I wait to embark on the next chapter of this crazy year long journey, I worry that they’ll forget me when I know I’ll never forget them.

Bibliography

Rimm-Kaufman, S., and Sandilos, L. (2016) Improving Students’ Relationships with Teachers to Provide Essential Supports for Learning. Retrieved from: http://www.apa.org/education/k12/relationships.aspx