So You Think You Can Hack?

If you’re the average UBC student, you are most likely not interested in AMS politics. That is, until the UN invaded and you received a gluttony of emails regarding ridiculous issues and media stunts, er… human rights violations?

You may have joined a Facebook group or two, perhaps turned out to the emergency Saturday meeting that called to Impeach the Beast/defend Human Rights and Progressive Leadership at UBC, by gum! Now there’s sexy referenda, impeachment is still the hot word, and lo and behold there’s ELECTIONS in which you can actually HAVE A VOICE in this manner.

We here at Cute Teddy Bears and Unicorns are anticipating a hot election season, perhaps even too sexy for the AMS’ shirt. Want to join the hot hot heat?  Here’s what you need to do if you want to jump into this ridiculous, hot mess of a circus.

  1. Have an extensive vocabulary. Learn some new words, like hack, or BIRT and its bigger cousin, BIFRT.  Dare we say it—practice your Naylorisms.
  2. Dress well. Or, dress horrible. Either way, you need to have some signature clothing piece or style, be this berets (Naylor, Jeremy), empire waists (Crystal), shirt/sweater combo (Tim), UBC paraphernalia (Duncan, Johannes), or the hack essential: argyle (Blake). Please, avoid the tapered khakis. If in doubt, you can always throw on a plaid shirt and skinny jeans (Mitch, Natalie), or grab some glasses/grow facial hair (nearly all of the above).
  3. Drink beer.
  4. Find something you’re passionate about. Want more beer, more housing, less clothing, higher tuition? You don’t have to be an expert—lord knows none of these people started that way.  Just pick something, read a little bit on it, show up to a few meetings, and pretend like you know everything.
  5. At some point in this process, we recommend you learn rudimentary English, like public speaking.  Don’t worry about spelling or grammar too much—some of the AMS’ finest never bothered.
  6. Join random student groups, whether it’s to make friends, or meet people who will vote for you, or both. Or, perhaps, to find a hot piece of ass.
  7. Put those beer-drinking skills to use by hooking up with an established hack. Trust us—you totally won’t regret it. (Much.)
  8. Be nice to the media. Buy them treats. Sexy lingerie. Fine wines. Or just vote for them every chance you get.
  9. Remember: You Are Always Right.  And when you’re not, it was a media stunt.

See, it really isn’t that difficult to fit in. So check our Events page and jump into this hacktastic arena.

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