Category Archives: Uncategorized

Voter Funded Monies!

It was just announced in AMS Council that Voter Funded Media will now be funded ALL YEAR ROUND!

VFM will be launched again in November, and we’re counting on your votes to give us a sexy 30%…which is the most we can get. Please remember that we have been giving you the sexy news all year long, despite not getting paid. Also, we miss your comments!

New Elections Administrator, we thank you. VFM Creator Mark Latham, we love you.

EA Erik MacKinnon even showed up to council wearing a tie, which is apparently “as rare as a sasquatch riding a unicorn hitting a rainbow.”

Land Use, Shmand Use.

So, the Land Use Plan (LUP) Consultation that’s currently happening is boring as shit. If you’re into that kind of hackery, UBC Insiders recently published three articles about the LUP and Gage South. Now, dear readership, it took a lot for me to get to the point where I cared about this. Really, what does the LUP have to do with me? Yesterday I went to the consultation, and wasn’t taken seriously as a student, and it pissed me off. Students comprise of around 8000 students living on campus, whereas there are only around 6000 UNA residents (those people who live in those condos on campus). 

UBC Campus & Community Planning is looking to increase population on campus from these 6000 to between 25,000-35,000 residents. Combine this with their previous commitment to double student housing on campus, and we’re looking at a campus with up to 51,000 residents for at least eight months of the year. This is more than triple the amount of people currently living on campus, and don’t forget about the other 29,000 commuter students lingering around campus from dawn ’til dusk.

This affects you, and you need to speak up as a student…because not enough are.

Why should you give a fuck? In short, because UBC Campus and Community Planning is planning to build condos where the current bus loop is. You know, right by MacInnes Field where all the concerts are held, right by the SRC, SUB, new SUB, Aquatic Centre…the heart of campus. But really, why should you care? Because UBC C&CP aren’t opening this up for discussion and it’s not on their “priority” list. They said we can discuss this later, but no one has discussed the “old” plan until now…13 years later. By the time they get around to “consulting” about Gage South, there may be nowhere left on campus to transfer the density.

It’s really, really important that we are given the chance to talk about this NOW…because I’m assuming most of you don’t want old people living in our fun area of campus, complaining about noise, and wrecking all our fun.

So you should probably fill out their consultation form. However, it’s super boring.

The survey is divided into four sections, and all the questions are very leading and double-barrelled. However, don’t let them win. Here’s to making the LUP sexy (seriously, such an ugly acronym), drink up. Please do drink while you fill it out, right here, and speak now.

Under transferring housing density, don’t forget to bring up the issue of Gage South (where the condos will be) and how it is so not cool that they are not putting Gage South up for discussion, that it’s not academic land, and that you don’t think it’s cool to build market housing there – whether its faculty or not, it’s still old people in our party land.

Consultations close TOMORROW, October 15th. Fill it out here.

Fan Fiction: The AMS Ex-ecutives

Back in January, a hacktastic fan submitted this fan fiction to our email account. At the time, we didn’t publish it for a variety of (rather obvious) reasons. However, after attaining the blessing of those who are the apparent subjects, we’ve decided to publish this…and let you be the judge.

YOU’VE BEEN WARNED: ‘Creepy’ doesn’t even begin to cover it.

It was just after midnight, and another too-long AMS Council meeting had just finished. Elena was packing up her things. Miley Cyrus was playing quietly on her iPod to cheer her up. It had been a long night. The new SUB negotiations were not progressing, and everyone on council knew it. They had grilled her about her ability to meet deadlines and deliver the project. She felt her eyes well up. It was so easy for them to criticize, but they didn’t attend the meetings, they didn’t understand how intimidating bowties could be. How much did they really know about how difficult a project this was? It’s not easy to build a new SUB, or a better AMS. She let her hair down and gently bit her lip, trying to ease some of the tension in her body.

Jared, tired, was in his office cooling off. Things had gotten pretty heated that night, as council had spent two hours deciding how to deal with the tuition policy referendum. He was drained and demoralized, thinking back to the simpler days of just being a councilor, being one of the bosses. Having to take orders from this group of people, these impulsive, short-sighted, wannabe politicians made him disgusted. At Blenz, he had ruled with an iron fist. This is not what he had signed up for. Frustrated, he slammed his fist on his desk and let out a snarl.

Elena was startled back into the present upon hearing Jared’s cry from next door. She hesitated, wondering if anyone else was in the office. She didn’t think so, everyone else had left right away once the meeting ended. It was just the two of them: former lovers, now co-workers. She had moved on quickly after their relationship ended, found someone new to latch onto. So what if some people thought she had moved too quickly? A good Sauder student would never pass up an opportunity that presented itself. She was happy, she thought to herself.

There was still no other noise from the hallway. With just the two of them around, she took a few steps down the hall to Jared’s office. “Is everything alright?” she asked, leaning in the doorway, her piercing brown eyes full of concern. Jared’s head was in his hands on his desk. His brown jacket sat rumpled on the floor. He slowly looked up to see Elena’s radiant face emerging from the darkness of the hallway.

Simply seeing her there sent a jolt up his spine. Even though they saw each other every day, he couldn’t help but notice her Russian beauty. He had been lonely since they separated, missing her more than he thought he would. Or maybe it was just the companionship of another person he missed most, a warm touch, a smile, a loving embrace. He thought of those nights they had spent together, snuggled on the couch together reading committee minutes, happy just being together.

“I’m fine,” he said, trying to hide his frustration. “Sorry about the noise. I was just a bit worked up. It’s been a rough day.”

“Jared,” Elena said, almost in a whisper. “Call me Kommander,” Jared said, “he got more respect than I ever will.” He let out a small sigh and put his head back down.

She took a few steps into his office and gently touched Jared’s back. “Jared, please be serious, those days are over now.” As she said it, she couldn’t help thinking about the past, recalling how when they used to kiss his short beard would tickle her cheek. It was an undeniable sign of his male virility that her new flame could never hope to match. They had tried to go their own separate ways, damn the electorate that insisted on reuniting them with such large mandates!

Jared got up from his chair, and put his arms around her. They held each other tightly, taking their time, desperately craving the comfort of a warm embrace. Jared started to loosen his grip and back away, but Elena continued to hold him close. He looked down and smiled at her. Without knowing it, he started leaning in towards her. She looked up, and closed her eyes expectantly, waiting for the feel of his soft lips.

At that moment, Jared’s AMS-supplied Blackberry sprang to life—someone was tweeting. The moment was broken and the magic lost. Elena started blushing, quickly let go and without a word quietly retreated to her office next door. Jared was left awkwardly standing there, wondering about what had almost happened.

It was going to be a long year…

SCIENCE: We Want to See Your Peacock.

With summer wrapping up, we’ve been playing the new Katy Perry album on repeat, trying to bask in the glory of our teenage dreams just a little bit longer. Besides lacking any cohesion to call it an “album,” the tracks are full of poptastic hits that will be fueling the Pit on Wednesday nights and flooding the Gallery with karaoke on Tuesdays for the year to come. Since we’re not a music blog, we’ll leave the witticisms of her amazing lyrics to the real experts.

In other news, all the deans of faculties at UBC have signed on for the Dean’s Debate, in which the epic battle of Arts vs. Science vs. HKin vs. Engineering vs. Sauder vs. Forestry vs. Whatever Other Faculties We Have is sure to commence. Except, the Dean of Science – the beloved Dr. Simon Peacock –  is REFUSING TO PARTICIPATE. Luckily, Katy Perry wrote a song about it. We here at AMS Confidential urge all you science kids to grab a boombox and serenade your dean outside his window… and let Dr. Peacock know that taxation without representation is simply uncool.

In the style of Katy Perry, we lobby the Dean of Science:





*another lyric in the song includes “and oh that rainbow looking treasure” … we approve.