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Here I am

Here I am, sitting in my room researching on a host of assessment scales and tests to measure four variables, which would hypothetically allow me to evaluate the effectiveness of an intervention treatment for ADHD students. I’ve read through maybe 20 papers so far.. and though it feels like I sort of know what I’m writing about, I don’t think I fully understand all the statistical jargon which I’m supposed to compare and assess.

I definitely did not think I would be doing this, four years ago. Sometimes it feels like I’m fluking through my undergraduate degree. As if the ideas and conclusions I make in each paper I write are all BS. Which I know they aren’t. But sometimes, I cannot help but doubt my own accomplishments.

Today I wrote my very first reference recommendation for someone. I feel like I deserve a pat on the back from myself, recognizing that I’ve come at least far enough in my leadership to vouch for someone else on their way to where I stand now.

Back to research…. I am so glad I took this Clinical Psychology class. Now, I know for sure that I do not want to go to graduate school to study psychology.

Categories
College Personal Self Discovery

I spy with my little eyes

My eyes are drawn to

the pile of CD’s, Surround by Jon Bauer/ Passion Awakening Concert/ Reconnect Me (talk by a youth pastor) and books of short essays, On Friendship by Montaigne/ The Wars by Timothy Findley,
the order in which they’re stacked is a bitter reflection of what importance they hold in my life.
though the fact that they are anywhere on my desk at all should be
an indication/proof?/meaning/ a reminder
that I am who I am because I’ve lived through all those phases;

a corner in my room where a pile of what looks like junk sits, since August 17
They are a collection of fresh batteries, travel- sized floss, pencils and pens, small ziploc bags even, select postcards,
my emergency things when I was abroad, in Africa, Europe, in the air flying between places
Now, they are objects useless in relation to what sorts of things I need now.
Which are: books, ipod and its charger, blackberry and its charger, box of makeup, plate of jewelry, ID’s, usb’s, my agenda, post-it notes,
so all these things, along with the assignments already accumulating from the start of this school term, September 8, have pushed almost everything
related to Africa and my experience there
aside. Life is much more fast- paced here.
To which my best friend laughed at, she who started her new life in New York; her life even more speeding.
She misses the Vancouver pace, which I also appreciate as the perfect rhythm compared to cities around the world. But, I crave the reality and earthliness of the village. The sounds (or lack thereof) and the stars, and the backdrop of fiery sunsets;

my textbook on cultural psychology,
which is teaching me how it is that researchers study
the interactions which I’ve experienced this past summer.
It’s tedious, reading the operationalized concepts reiterated over and over and over again.
I miss just doing;

the countless sweaters on my floor: seven.
six scarves, four pairs of legwarmers;
I love this season because these are my favourite wardrobe items;

my computer screen, which has been the center of my attention
ever since I got back from Africa
which is kind of pathetic.
I set time apart so that I get back in touch through words (reading, writing)
what would I do without literature? It’s shaped who I am.
I am currently reading: Alias Grace (Atwood), An Imperfect Offering (Orbinski), A Complicated Kindness (Toew), The Black Book (Pamuk), somehow all at once. It depends on what mood I’m in.
Too bad I’ve only been reading Personality perspectives, Abnormal Psychology, Cultural Psychology, Clinical Psychology, Guide to International Development, lately. #lifeofastudent
Also,ebooks are pathetic;

that it is 2:01am
04/10/2011
my internet is at four bars.
apparently these are important things to know.

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