Just a week ago I marveled at how organized I am at the Academy where I teach English. I have been teaching there for almost three years, and I enjoy a routine and relationship that I have worked hard to build in this time. I thought that I was finally hitting a stride in my role as an instructor there. Today, in a conversation I had with a fellow teacher there, I realized that there was a serious miscommunication with one student and her father. It was almost the identical situation that I walked into two years ago. I had vowed never to make the same mistake, and to be extra careful not to accidentally make a similar one. Yet I had to deal with the embarrassment of not realizing what situation I got myself into. It just goes to show that there will always be room for more learning.
I deal mostly with business people whose children attend my classes, and sometimes it is daunting to negotiate how and when our lessons should be. I feel awful that misunderstanding happens as a result of me caring too much, too easily. I cannot be on beck and call for these students even though I am tempted to negotiate. I am an employee of a private academy and I have my set hours. I wish I could help my students as much as they need it, and I always try to squeeze time out of my schedule to fit in more students into my already crammed life as a student myself. I keep falling back on my old role as a tutor.
In order to move on I need to push myself into zones of slight discomfort, to stretch myself and exercise skills I didn’t know I had. Namely, negotiation, firm correspondence, strictly busy. I need to be the secretary of my own time; I must guard my time as it is precious.
This graduate PDP program has frazzled me to the point that I am no longer in control as I always thought I was. It is so challenging to juggle everything and maintain the same level of professionalism, diplomacy, and care. I must understand my specific goals for myself. I am a new teacher, and my priority is to have my own classroom and teach for a few years before I consider graduate school or working in a private institution. I need to communicate that to people, and learn not to be affected or take it upon myself to fit the needs of every student and his/her family. I am too flexible, and care too deeply sometimes.
But I am at a point in my career when I do need to make decisions. I need to draw lines and know what my boundaries are. I cannot be a super-new-teacher-who-juggles-three-jobs any more. I need to focus on the one job I want to have for life, that of an educator. Looking at the big picture, I need to let go of some things to make room for others.