Tag: relationships

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1.3 Social and Emotional Development: Attachment

Attachment

Attachment is what allows a child to form healthy relationships, first with their primary caregivers, and later with others. When children form attachment bonds, they learn love, significance, safety, and security. Developing these feelings allow children to explore the world with confidence, and foster their growth and learning. Exploring the world nurtures a child’s cognitive development.

In order for a child to form healthy attachments, their needs must be met. It’s very important that a baby learns that someone will always be there to help and protect them when they are in distress and in need. Only then will the baby form an emotional bond, or attachment, with their primary caregiver.

⎯ Babies and children whose needs are not met early in life may grow up to be insecure toddlers and adults. This is because their experience has been that there is no one they can count on. This may prevent them from learning to form healthy and long-lasting relationships with others.

Caring or spoiling? Parents and caregivers who are present for their child are not spoiling them. In fact, research in child development has shown that children who have caring adults responding to them when they cry tend to feel safe and secure with their primary caregivers.

The most famous study on attachment behavior in toddlers was the study conducted by Mary Ainsworth, Jean Bowlby’s student. Ainsworth observed toddlers in situations of high distress. She described the biological drive of children and adults that gets activated when they are distressed or feeling unsafe.

  • When the biological drive is activated in a child, they need to be soothed as quickly as possible because children “shut down”, or become inhibited when feeling threatened or unsafe. For example, children in distress will not move around and explore their environment or learn.
  • Ainsworth reported that children needed comfort, to be held and soothed during these times, to de-activate this biological drive.

Ainsworth then listed the following conclusions about children and the different ways they attach to caregivers.

  • Securely attached: these children have healthy relationships with their mothers. They are more likely to leave their mothers’ side to explore new surroundings. They are less likely to be overly anxious when their mother leaves the room (because they know that she is coming back) and are usually genuinely glad to see her return. They are less likely to be wary of strangers.
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1.3 Social and Emotional Development: Emotional Skills

Emotional Skills

Emotional development is a broad term that describes how a child develops, displays, regulates and understands feelings and emotions. The development of a child’s self-concept and self-esteem (see full Glossary) are part of emotional development.

Emotional development includes the development of emotional regulation, learning how to soothe and calm oneself. This process starts early, with parents or caregivers providing young children with the comfort they need when distressed; for example, crying, hurt, scared and needing comfort.

  • At first, children need their parents to calm down. Later, they do it mostly on their own. Most parents know what to do, for example rocking their baby back and forth, and do not need to be taught how to soothe their children. It  is something that comes naturally.
  • Some children may take more time to soothe than others. Their parents may find it harder to read their children’s emotions.  These children tend to be a bit more irritable than others, but this does not mean that these children cannot be soothed. It’s important for parents to know that this may be their child’s temperament. Parents should not feel guilty if their child is not easy to comfort and should do their best to comfort their child regardless of how irritable they are or how difficult it’s to read their emotions.

Children should develop certain skills and reach certain developmental milestones, in order to become emotionally competent and stable adults. The most important of these emotional milestones/skills, including self-concept, are listed below:

  • establishing eye contact with others
  • establishing and maintaining eye contact with others
  • smiling, and later laughing
  • enjoying being handled
  • smiling at familiar people
  • knowing the difference between familiar people and strangers
  • enjoying daily routines (such as bathing and feeding)
  • responding to name being called
  • recognizing self in mirror
  • using parent or other familiar adults as a 
    social reference (see full Glossary)
  • playing, alone in solitary play (see full Glossary), and later, with others in parallel (see full Glossary) AND cooperative play (see full Glossary)
  • engaging in pretend play (see full Glossary)
  • displaying basic emotions
  • exploring their surroundings
  • having a “favorite” or “best” friend
  • displaying complex emotions
  • recognizing feelings and emotions in self and others
  • showing pride in achievements
  • making positive statements about self or showing a strong self-esteem (see full Glossary)
  • showing guilt over mistakes and/or having done something they should not have done
  • avoiding dangerous situations that may place them or others at risk
  • describing their own feelings and emotions
  • describing feelings and emotions in others

Vignette

Johnny was a term baby like his sisters, but was not an easy baby like them. He had trouble sleeping and reflux problem. But Johnny’s parents knew that each baby is different. They did not compare the children. They loved and accepted him. His needs were met and he was given what he needed to grow and thrive. He turned into a happy and fulfilled boy.

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1.3 Social and Emotional Development: Social Skills

Social Skills

Social development is a broad term that describes how a child relates to others around them. The ability to share, to take turns, to understand someone else’s perspective, and to carry on a conversation with people a child knows and with strangers, with children their own age, and those older and younger, are  all part of social development.

Babies and children are social beings. Babies are born social. As they grow older, they learn how to act in socially acceptable ways. They learn how to do so by watching others around them.

  • For example, a child watching their parents being kind to others will likely develop a sense of kindness.
  • In contrast, witnessing violence, and especially at home on an ongoing basis, increases the chances that a child will use violence as an adult.

Children develop and refine their social skills mostly by watching others. A child’s culture and family structure will heavily influence what is viewed as socially acceptable behavior and what is viewed as as socially unacceptable behavior.

  • For example, children who are always teased may grow up thinking that teasing is a socially acceptable behavior; although feeling hurt, they might tend to tease others.
  • In contrast, children whose opinions are listened to and valued will most likely listen to and value the opinion of others.

Children’s environment plays an important role in shaping their social skills. Parents may not always be able to protect their children from outside circumstances, but they are able to provide them with a safe haven, inside the walls of the home. This safe haven is what helps children become healthy well-adjusted adults. Home stability and safety are key elements in the development of social and emotional development and the child’s overall well-being.

Children need to develop certain skills and achieve certain milestones in order to turn into socially competent grown-ups.

The following are the most important social skills/milestones that children need to achieve

  • establishing eye contact with others
  • establishing and maintaining eye contact with others
  • smiling, first as a response, then to familiar persons (one of the first signs of attachment), then laughing
  • enjoying daily routines (such as bathing and feeding)
  • establishing joint attention (see full Glossary) with others
  • establishing joint action (see full Glossary) with others
  • participating in simple turn-taking games (e.g. peek-a-boo)
  • playing alongside other children, or parallel play (see full Glossary)
  • making choices
  • imitating simple actions of others (e.g. clapping hands, waving bye-bye)
  • sharing (when being asked)
  • sharing spontaneously
  • saying “no” (first in perhaps socially “unacceptable” and then in socially acceptable ways)
  • playing with other children, or cooperative play
  • trying to comfort those in distress
  • asking for permission before using something that does not belong to them
  • putting toys (and other things) away, when asked
  • following simple rules (e.g. no jumping on furniture)
  • following complex rules (e.g. not hurting others’ feelings)
  • performing simple chores
  • answering the phone
  • conversing with someone on the phone
  • imitating complex actions of others (e.g. vacuuming, shaving, putting on make-up)
  • imitating complex expressions of others (e.g. honey, I’m home)
  • engaging in pretend play
  • having meaningful  conversations with peers, and then with adults in their family and home circles (for a few minutes)
  • negotiating with peers, and then with adults, in their family and home circles, and finding solutions to conflicts
  • choosing own friends
  • defending themselves and/or what is of their property in socially acceptable ways
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1.2 What is EI: The Nature/Nurture Debate

Internal or External: The nature/nurture debate

For a long time, researchers and professionals have debated what affects the development of a child more: the child’s biological characteristics or the environment in which they live. This is known as “the nature/nurture debate.”

Although we may not be able to alter what biology (nature) has given us (as we all come into the world with inherited characteristics), we can alter the environment (nurture) in which we live. The environment plays a significant role in infant mental health and on the social and emotional development of children.

Example: The way a baby is cared for, and how well they are able to bond with their primary caregiver, will have an impact on their development and on the kind of person every infant and child will become1

Beyond “nature” or biology, and “nurture” or environment, what we really need to pay attention to in early child development is the relationship between the infant and their primary caregiver. This refers to how well the caregiver can read the infant’s cues, like smiling or crying, and how they respond to them.

Example: A caregiver who tries to play with a tired baby and reads the baby’s mood cues will postpone the play session to a time when the infant in interested in play. The caregiver’s response will greatly influence how comfortable and safe this infant will be in his or her presence.
When infants and young children feel safe and secure, they are more likely to explore and learn from their environment. These babies have learned to trust. This is what researchers have described as babies with secure attachment2 with their caregivers. Secure attachment is more likely to develop when the caregiver can place the infant’s needs ahead of their own.

Example: When an infant cries in the middle of the night, a responsive parent will try to comfort the infant. As hard as this is, especially for a tired parent, responding to the baby’s cry will ensure that the baby learns their caregiver is there for him or her.

1. See Dr Allan Scoufe’s publications at: http://www.cehd.umn.edu/ICD/research/Parent-Child/default.html
 2. see References

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