To: Harsha Bhamra
From: Madie Leroux
Date: Feb 2, 2019
Subject: Peer review for your Proposal for improving the use of Student Leadership Committee at alumni UBC
First Impressions
I have reviewed your formal report proposal regarding the improvement of the use of theStudent Leadership Committee at alumni UBC.As a student, I’ve never heard of the alumni UBC organization. It was great to learn something new about the university! You do mention that the organization has resources that students could use, but never give an example. I think it would really help the reader connect if they had some context about what the committee does besides planning the Grad Ball.
Visuals and Organization
The proposal is well laid out and easy to read.
Introduction
The introduction was clear and informative.
Statement of Problem
I am a little unclear what the purpose the Student Leadership Committee was intended for originally. However, you still clearly addressed the problem of the committee members not being able to do enough.
Proposed Solutions
The proposed solutions seem actionable and realistic.
Scope
I am curious about question five, in which you ask about “global roles”. I’m a little unclear what a “global role” is. Otherwise, I think questions will give you a good basis of inquiry.
Methods
The online questionnaire is a great idea. The research also balances the opinions of people working with or on the committee as well as students that are not involved.
Qualifications
Your experience relates to the report, and will be an asset to your research.
Conclusion
The conclusion was well-written, and a concise end to the report.
Grammar/Typos:
Introduction:
- “This is a group of students, typically in their third or fourth year, that aim…”. I believe aim should be “aims” since it refers to a group.
- Despite that event being a big part of their responsibility”, I think if that was replaced with “the” it would flow better.
- “ten individuals from each School”, school doesn’t need to be capitalized
- “fulfil their purpose of communicating the awareness of alumni UBC programs” is a little awkwardly phrased.
Statement Problem
The second sentence is particularly long, and could be structured into two sentences.
Proposed Solution
There are a few misplaced commas, and some long sentences.
Scope
Point 4 is awkwardly phrased.
Final Comments
Good job! Your report had a clear purpose and was easy to understand. The only suggestions I have are:
- Fixing some run-on sentences and grammatical errors
- Defining the intended purpose for the Student Leadership Committee
I hope my recommendations help. Please don’t hesitate to contact me if you have further questions.
Enclosure: Formal Report Proposal – Harsha Bhamra
Madie Leroux
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