To: Thu Vo
From: Jenny Bachynski
Date: March 17, 2019
Subject: Assignment 3:3 – Peer Review of Formal Report
Thank you for sending a draft of your formal report on ‘Enhancing the Participation of UBC Geological Sciences Students in the UBC Science Co-op program’. You are off to a great start and have clearly put a lot of effort into this first draft. I have some suggestions that will help as you progress towards your final draft:
Introduction:
The introduction is very concise, yet informative. The knowledge given informs the reader of the UBC co-op program and why it is necessary. You have also organized the introduction in a very intuitive way, so the reader knows what is to be expected in the report. Great work on this section.
Data Section:
Content:
It would be of utmost importance to include answers and actual quotations from those being interviewed: the students, the Human Resources Advisors, and Co-op Advisors. Doing this would validate the recommendations being drawn. Peppering quotes throughout a report helps organize information in a more specific way. This would be the most useful in terms of your sub-section titled “The Industry’s Views”. The knowledge from the HR advisors would be crucial in the “What Makes a New Graduate Stand Out” section. In the “Nature of the Job Market” section, it would be helpful to know the specifics of how this applies to students choosing whether or not to use the co- op. Why would outdoor factors from the industry dissuade students to join the co-op? It would be helpful to elaborate on this.
The strongest part of the data section is the “Student’s views”. The charts are very helpful in understanding the data gathered and once the research is done on the graduate times and the time it takes to secure a job, this section will be extremely enlightening.
Organization
Having the data section divided by the industry views and the students views provides clear and tidy body paragraphs. It may be even easier to follow if there are more sub-sections added.
Style
The tone of this research proposal is very professional and appropriate. It is clear that the findings are not being compromised by personal opinion. Continue using such a positive tone to encourage the reader to feel motivated to follow the recommendations you conclude.
Design
There are parts within the body that have longer sections of data provided through text – it would be beneficial to add more charts, graphs, and/or images to inform the reader with a different medium. Enlarger the charts that you have already included would be helpful for legibility. I understand that this is a rough draft, so just remember to add double spacing and consistent spacing between headings, once you are at your final stages of editing.
Conclusion
Content
The conclusion is very thorough and detailed – much of this information is more appropriate for the data section. It would make sense that any information given with statistics, should be removed from the conclusion. For example, the sentence “Over 80% of surveyed students agree that the UBC Science Co-op job pool is quite broad but over 60% of them want more employers or a wider variety of job options on the Co-op website” seems to be a sentiment that could be turned into a new heading in the data section.
I appreciate your recommendations and believe that they are conclusive based on the evidence that you have provided. It would be helpful to add specificity to some of your recommendations. For example, when expressing that the image of the program needs to be changed in order to gain student interest, elaborate on how you would precisely do that: events, pamphlets, guest speakers? This is excellently executed when the idea of an industry mixer is recommended.
Organization
Offering the Recommendations in point form would be a more approachable and cleaner option.
Final Impressions:
Lingering Questions
Having these questions answered in the formal report would provide useful information for the reader:
- Do students often get jobs from the places they do their practicum?
- How easy is it to get into your job of choice?
- What do students need to do to participate in the co-op? Is it a lot of work to sign up?
- If the co-op is such a positive thing for employers, could they invest money in improving the promotional channels of the program?
Thank you for taking the time to write such a great first draft. The formal report does a wonderful job of providing a problem that is in need of very serious solutions. Continue focusing on creating well-rounded data from primary and secondary sources, and review your recommendations to make them as specific as possible.
Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns.
Best,
Jenny Bachynski
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