To: Harsha Bhamra, IncrEDIBLES team member
From: Jasmin Senghera, IncrEDIBLES peer reviewer
Date: March 27th, 2019
Subject: Peer Review of Application Package
Thank you for your application package rough draft Harsha. In its entirety, the application package is very well composed and thoroughly depicts your diverse range of experiences in the working world. Below are some suggestions for improvement.
First Impressions:
As mentioned previously the application package is detailed and well-organized. It incorporates all the components required of this assignment. The resume in particular is very strong as it details each work experience in a concise and clear manner. It shows that you are accustomed to a variety of working environments.
- Something to consider when writing cover letters and letters requesting references is the you-attitude. Focussing on this you-attitude in these technical letters will ensure that the reader’s interests are prioritized.
Job Advertisement:
The job advertisement is included in the application package and it is very extensive. It mentions the skillset and educational experience required to apply to this job. The MLA documentation is also included.
Cover Letter:
Format
The structure of the cover letter allows for an easy read and is appealing to the eye.
- When writing a cover letter, the applicants address is usually placed at the top of the letter. Furthermore including a signature between the closing salutation and your name shows proper business etiquette and attention to detail.
Introduction
The introduction is powerful as it depicts considerable enthusiasm for the job opportunity. It also mentions some general skills you have that will be relevant for this position, which is a good way to engage the reader.
- While the job position is indicated, it might be a good idea to mention where you saw the position advertised.
Body
The body of the letter highlights your work-related qualifications very thoroughly in a confident manner. Furthermore the experiences detailed are all relevant to the job advertisement and include the desired skills the employer requires.
- The only thing missing was the explanation of educational experience. The job advertisement mentions that in order to be considered you must have met certain educational requirements. Thus detailing educational background in the cover letter could ensure that you are considered for this job.
Conclusion
The conclusion is concise, and it summarizes all the information in the body very well.
- The conclusion is lacking contact information. It would be helpful for the employer, if contact details such as a phone number or email address were provided here for easy accessibility.
Enclosure
- There isn’t a section in the cover letter including an enclosure of the resume. As this job advertisement requires a resume, it would be a good idea to identify that in an enclosure block at the end of the letter
Tone
The tone throughout this letter is positive and professional. The tone also depicts your outgoing nature which will be appealing to the employer.
- There is a heavy emphasis on the word “I” especially at the beginning of sentences in the body paragraph. This deviation from the you-attitude will take the focus off of the reader. To prevent this, you could reword sentences to include “you” and remove “I” from the beginning of sentences.
Resume:
Contact Information
- There is no contact information included in the resume. It would be beneficial to have your name alongside a phone number or email address in a resume to allow for easy accessibility of the employer. This would also help in the case that a job advertisement only requires a resume.
Career Objectives
- There are no career objectives listed in the resume. Having objectives in a resume tailored to the specific job are important because they show how your experiences and aspirations align with this position. These objectives should be based on present and future goals. For example, mentioning that you want to strengthen your knowledge within the natural resources sector.
Education
Educational experience is included with dates and with the specifics of your degree in a clear and concise manner
- To allow for better organization, it would be helpful to change the header from “Experience” to “Education.”
Work Experience
This section of the resume is very strong. All the work experiences consist of considerable details alongside dates. The descriptions of these experiences are also applicable to the skills required for this job position. This section will definitely attract employers.
Personal Data & Interests
The extracurricular activities mentioned in this section add a really great touch to the resume. They depict your skills in planning and in marketing which are required in this position.
- The personal interests mentioned are unique and interesting, but it might make more sense to include interests that are more relevant to the job position. This way your resume can be enhanced by including personal interests that might apply to the job.
References
- There is no mention of references at the end of the resume. It would be good to write a sentence at the end saying, “References Available Upon Request” so that the employer can follow up and confirm your skills and qualifications
Reference Letters:
Format
Based on the guidelines of formal email writing, the reference emails are formatted correctly. They include a subject alongside formal salutations.
- Given that this assignment required reference letters, a traditional letter format would require the recipient and sender’s address alongside the data at the top of the letter.
Body
The body of all three letters is formal and respective. These letters also indicate very clearly the skills you obtained from these various individuals.
- There is a lack of focus on the you-attitude. To avoid this, try and focus on the reader and how they can benefit. This can be completed by removing “I” from the beginning of sentences and implementing the word “you.” For example, instead of saying, “I have gained numerous skills that will help me excel in post-grad, from my co-op position,” you could say, “Your guidance and this co-op experience allowed me to develop numerous skills pertaining to this job position.”
Conclusion
The conclusion is once again very formal and polite. It provides a good summary of the purpose of this letter.
- The conclusion is lacking contact information. Either a name or email address could be included in the end. There is also a signature missing.
Grammar and Expression:
All the components of the application package are easy to read and follow through.
- The only grammatical error is the misspelling of the word “with” in the introduction of the reference letters.
Concluding Comments:
Overall, you have created a commendable first draft of your application package. The organization alongside the detailed work experiences of this package will definitely aid you in your job search.
To summarize for you, here is a list of suggested tasks:
- Focussing on the you-attitude by avoiding “I” and placing emphasis on “you”
- Providing more details on educational experience in the cover letter
- Including contact details, a reference available upon requests sentence in the resume, career objectives in the resume, signatures at the end of letters, and an enclosure in the cover letter
- Following formal letter formatting
I hope my suggestions help you during the revision process. Please feel free to email me at jasminsenghera@gmail.com if you have any questions.
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