Not everything has a perfect title

The potato bread rolls turned out great.  Really fluffy, and the combination of whole grain and while flour was just enough to give it a good texture.  I never thought it would make sense to put mashed potatoes in bread, but when you think about it there’s no reason not to.  I mean, mashed potatoes are just potatoes, milk, salt and butter, all of which are excellent ingredients in a good bread.

I’ve decided that sea salt is my favorite ingredient.  Every dish I’ve added it to recently has just become twice as good.

Today was both a very good day and a very bad day.  It was good in that all I did was some light studying before me and Sam made dinner.  It was bad in that I had another existential crisis of sorts.

As I mentioned before, I take philosophy a little too seriously, and it has on occasion caused me some degree of mental anguish.  Trying to think about certain questions about life and existence can make you feel like you’ve gone crazy for a while.  Combining that with life’s inherent limitations can sometimes make me feel a little depressed even when everything is going right with my life.  My entire life lately seems to be ruled by my realization that I can’t achieve anything I want to unless I become a much better person than I am, and I’m not sure how to do that.  I’m pretty bad with directions, either physical or metaphorical.

I’ve been diagnosed with depression by a few doctors and psychotherapists, but I don’t take the meds because they’re pretty expensive (Ontario’s health plan didn’t cover a lot of it) but they also kind of ideologically offend me.  I mean, every time I’m depressed I usually have something to actually be depressed about, and if I just take some pills and feel like everything is alright it doesn’t actually make my life better.  Also, if you suddenly stop taking the meds I was on the chemical imbalance will cause you to freak out.

Lately, though, I’ve been really angry and sad for absolutely no reason, so I’m rethinking my stance on them.  It’s kind of like how I refuse to make disability claims for my learning disability.  I’ve always felt like accepting the extra time would give me an unfair advantage over everyone else, but when I’m having a hard time doing tests on subjects I understand perfectly, I begin to think the psychologists have some legitimacy in their claims.

I don’t think either of these realizations will actually change the way I approach such things, but it’s strange how adamant my stance on them was for most of my life.