My two bags a three boxes have morphed into, 3 suitcases, 4 boxes and a bike. My boxes are elegantly held together with duct tape (which is useless on cardboard), and I am trying to figure out how to label my suitcases with my room number (paper and more duct tape?). Somehow I have managed to come down with a last minute cold, cannot stop sneezing for the life of me and although I am really excited to get going half of me is questioning things. I’ve already received emails from 3 of my professors with mini assignments… Well not really: reading 50 pages for PHYS (which I have done along with the exercises), setting up accounts for CPSC (total disaster), and reading the PSYC syllabus. Not actually bad at all, but I was surprised that we were being contacted before classes even started! The internet is a dangerous thing! Anyways along with being excited I am also nervous hence the newest ramble:

Tomorrow I move into residence, tomorrow I start with university life, tomorrow I meet the people that I will be living with for a year, and I am shaking. The last time I felt like this was before I jumped off a cliff.

Climbing up the cliff was fine, I had no concerns until I was about to jump. Looking down into the water 13m below me I analyzed how I was to hit the water….I could do this… Minimize the area of impact … stay perpendicular… g=9.8 m/s^2… My legs suddenly felt weak and I wasn’t entirely sure if I could jump out far enough not to hit the rocks. After a couple of false starts I went, and half way through the air I started to scramble. Suddenly my mind decided that the water did not look all that inviting. My legs flew up as if they were trying to escape but gravity persisted, I crashed into the surface. Under the icy water I realized that I had made a big mistake. I could not move my legs, they were completely numb and locked from the hit. As I floated upwards I could already feel the bruising… face hot from humiliation I was helped up onto the boat. I could barely sit down on a hard surface for a week…

I am suddenly apprehensive about going to university full-time. My bags are packed. Plans all laid out. Everything looks perfect, fully financed, fully organized. After my first university exam this summer my prof remarked that she did not think that I would have a problem in school. In pencil I read 95% and “I see a successful future for you”, but felt the exact opposite way. It can’t get much better than that, “downhill slope here I come”. After leaving the examination room I should have felt happy but I was shaky. Putting a bar up high and expecting to jump over it is just like climbing off a cliff and expecting to land well. The future is unpredictable. No matter how far high you climb, how well you plan, how strong your mindset, there is always random chance. And although random chance can be minimized it is always there. Chance is no stranger, yet it always seems to take me by surprise. I am sure this year there will be many ups and downs, but please, Chance, let me land on my feet. <3