“You need to calm down.” This is probably one of the worst possible responses that a teacher can say to a student who is getting visibly and verbally frustrated.  As Jessica Minahan argues, for many students, they don’t know how to calm down when they are feeling frustrated. All children can benefit from learning about self-calming strategies. I am lucky to be at a school where we focus on social emotional learning. Every classroom has a chart titled, “How is my engine running?” where students can self-regulate and reflect on their emotions and behaviours. We are teaching students to begin to recognize when they are either in the red zone (very energetic, cannot sit still), yellow zone (tired, lethargic), or green zone (focused and ready to learn). With this, we are going to teach our students how they can bring themselves back to green zone if they are in the red or yellow zone.

In any case, Minahan suggests 3 simple ways that teachers can use to help students when they are feeling frustrated or anxious.

1. Teach students how to identify their emotions. Using an emotional thermometer can be helpful in this case, where students can show where they are on the thermometer at various points of the day. In the beginning, you can help the child to identify to them when you notice that they are frustrated (hunched shoulders, clenched fists, head on desk), so that over time, they can begin to recognize their own emotions.
2. Teach self-calming strategies that students can go to when they are recognizing that they are feeling angry or frustrated. Things such as reading a book, drawing, or deep breathing can help a student to calm down. I know that some of my students like to hold something in their hands, to give them that security and safe feeling. I also think that it is important that we have a safe place within the classroom or school, where students can go to when they are feeling frustrated or angry in order to help calm themselves down. Of course, it is important that if this is implemented, that rules are made so that students do not go to that place to fool around.
3. Practice with the student on what to do when they are feeling frustrated. Teach it, model it, practice it. Role-playing can be helpful for this step, where students act out what a frustrated student looks like and strategies that they can use to help calm down.

Reference:

Minahan, J. (January 30, 2013). Teaching self-calming skills. Retrieved from https://www.responsiveclassroom.org/teaching-self-calming-skills/