I started writing this post on a crowded Mozambican bus somewhere outside of Inhambane, grudgingly bracing for a 6-10 hour ride towards Maputo. Just me, my 2 travel companions, and my 30 closest Mozambican friends.
I’ve never been good at endings. There’s something about a conclusion that terrifies me. Endings mean starting over. Endings mean moving on. And, in this case, endings mean leaving a family behind.
When I first decided to go on exchange, I knew it’d change me. I knew it would be an experience of a lifetime. I knew that I would learn more about myself than I had ever before. But what I didn’t know is the kind of people I’d meet here. Never once did I suspect I would encounter the most wonderful group of people I have ever met in my entire life. But that’s exactly what happened. Life has a funny way of giving you exactly what you need when you don’t even know that you need it. I didn’t know I needed these people. I didn’t know I needed this place. But I got them. And that makes me the luckiest person alive.
The past 5 months have been, truly, the greatest 5 months of my entire life. I have traveled to 7 countries. I’ve been on countless trains, planes, and automobiles. I’ve drank too much, and I’ve eaten far much more. I’ve seen deserts and savannahs and palm trees and lush forests. I’ve raced down highways and been starred down by elephants. I’ve gotten terribly lost and lost out on even more sleep. I’ve jumped off bridges and jumped on trampolines. I’ve walked through a KFC drive-thru at 4am, and I’ve walked across international borders. I’ve ordered Ubers so I didn’t have to walk 3 minutes in the rain and I’ve walked hours in the sweltering heat. I’ve cried and I’ve yelled and I’ve smiled so big that my face hurt. I really have done it all. But now things must change, once again.
Despite the great sadness I feel writing this post, I cannot forget what I’ve learned here. Endings don’t need to mean the end. They don’t have to be a devastating or tragic conclusion. And, as a dear friend once told me, endings can be beginnings too. And beginnings, well, those are much less frightening.
So I’m going to try to focus on the beginning. This post may be entitled “The End”, but it will never be just that. Because this is not just where I am. No, this is also where I’m going. So this is not just an ending. It can’t be. Because what lies ahead — that wonderful, uncertain, and terrifying mess that awaits me and everyone I care about, is so much greater than the sadness I feel now. And that’s what I’ll focus on. Indeed, I have to.
I’m going to focus on the lifelong friendships I’ve made here. I’m going to focus on the enormous collection of wonderful memories I have from here. I’m going to focus on the positive changes and growth I’ve seen in myself. I’m going to focus on what I’ve learned from my time here. And I’m going to use all these things — all these amazing things — to make my future even brighter. Not because I have to in order to move on, but because I want to.
So, this is it. This is the end. And, this is a beginning. This has been where I am and where I’m going. I hope you’ve enjoyed reading.