Monthly Archives: September 2013

09/24/13

Of masochism

I have sorely misjudged myself.

How can one not know themselves, you ask? How can you not know who you are, what you like, what you don’t like, what makes you sad, what makes you want to smash walls and flex your imaginary muscles? How can you not? Apparently, you can.

See, I’ve always thought of myself as a “tough” person. I studied martial arts for about seven years, and I used to be insanely athletic before I became lazy and got fat. I also have a tendency to be sarcastic to the point of being almost mean, and some would describe me as sadistic. Really, guys. Really.

However, recent events have taught me otherwise. Apparently, I crave pain. I love it. I am almost masochistic, even. Oh how do I love it, let us count the ways.

(That was a Shakespeare reference and I hope someone caught it, because I don’t usually make Shakespearean references and it would be mighty embarrassing if it fell flat.)

1.  Fall Autumn (I am not going to conform to North American English, people. You will not corrupt me.) is here. Temperatures dropped all of a sudden. First, it was hot. Then it was cold. What the hell, Vancouver? 

Anyway, I love the cold. I love it. I go to classes dressed the way I would for summer. Pfft, who needs a jacket? You’d think that because I have lived in a tropical climate for like, oh I don’t know, my entire life, I might be wearing layer upon layer, but no. Noh. I wear flip flops too, but mostly because I am too lazy to put on real shoes. My fingers get numb from the chill and they hurt, but I love it. Oh how I love it. I revel in the feeling of the cold wind biting at my face and nipping and my fingers. I love how it hurts. So badly.

(But I will wear a winter coat when I have to. Don’t worry mom, I’m not going to die of hypothermia.)

2. I always complain about how I have so much work to do, readings that pile up endlessly and all that thinking I have to do… My brain just can’t deal.

But oh, it gives me so much pleasure. I love being busy. I love being pressured, and feeling like there’s not enough time. I enjoy how I sometimes have to stay up at night to do work, and I whine about how little sleep I get, but with each whine, I feel like my life has purpose. I feel like the god of unicorns and rainbows are smiling upon me and blessing me with the most radiant of rainbows and unicorn puke. I feel like the birds are squirrels are performing musical numbers just for me. I feel like the world is shifting into place, like there is real magic in the world, like ice cream sandwiches aren’t bad for you, like I can eat whatever the heck I want without ever gaining weight.

3. I visited the UBC Farm recently. If you haven’t, you should go check it out (and pay a visit to Menchie’s when you’re done!). The roads near the farm smell like manure and other generally foul-smelling stuff, but the farm is a pretty cool place. It also makes for a pretty sweet spot to take new profile pictures, if you ask me.

Anyway. They have chickens in the farm. Not just any kind of chicken, but FAT, FLUFFY chickens. They are some of the most ridiculously adorable creatures I have ever laid my eyes on. I am normally not a fan of chickens, because all they do is cluck around and do nothing, but UBC Chickens are SO cute.

Yeah, yeah, Jay. Get to your point. Nobody wants to read about chickens.

Well, you see, the chickens matter in this case. I whipped out my phone to take a picture of those chickens, because really guys, who wouldn’t? I rested my arms on the fence to get a steady picture and…

I got shocked by the electrical fence.

I am not kidding. I got buzzed by a fence because I was trying to take photos of chickens. Why the fudge bunnies is there an electrical fence anyway?

See, I got electrocuted, and for a nanosecond I thought I was going to die. It felt like an army of hungry people were marching through my veins, asking for bread and heading to the Versailles palace. It felt like the ground had shifted beneath my feet and I was falling into my life as a 5th grader again. It felt like thunderbolts and lightning, very very frightening.

And I liked it. I liked it.

 

I may have to rethink my life.

09/17/13

State of the Union

Dearly beloved, we are all gathered here today because Jay wants to talk about her life. This may come off as disgustingly narcissistic, repulsive even, but please do understand that she is an angst-ridden, emotionally constipated teenager who cannot address her feelings directly, and thus seeks validation by getting likes on Facebook, RTs on Twitter, and airing her grievances on the internet, among other things.

(I kid.)

Today, I will address the state of the union that is the many wonderful, adaptive cells that have come together to form these curious, slimy organs, which are a part of a system (as many good things are), which collectively form the body that I so happily (most of the time) reside in. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Height: 158cm, 5′ 2″.

Gender: Female

Type: Human

Ethnicity: Chinese

Nationality: Malaysian

Weight: Unknown.

Status: Not homesick. Yet.

 

Walking

The union (henceforth referred to as “I” or “me”) has experienced many trips taken up and down Main Mall and various staircases. I am pleased to announce that my legs are slimmer now, and would like to thank UBC for this opportunity. Rock on.

The future may be an unpredictable thing, like my many mood swings, but I can confidently say that my years at UBC will prepare me for the literal paths that I will take.

 

Food

Alas, I do not know why many complain about the food in Totem’s Cafeteria. Deliciously overpriced wraps and salad… mmm. Everyone loves the grill but I have yet to discover the joy that is a greasy burger with onion rings.

In other news, our miners report that a gem has been discovered.

A beautiful confection, also referred to as an “ice cream sandwich”, has taken my heart and stomach by storm. It is believed that this magical artifact has healing properties.

I have also formed an unhealthy addiction to Booster Juice and Menchie’s. Vanilla flavoured frozen yogurt, topped generously with a mound of Oreos and cookie dough… Help. Numerous attempts have been taken to trick my brain into thinking that the copious amounts of walking will help stave off the legendary Freshman 15, but my increasing dependence on hot chocolate, vanilla bean fraps from Starbucks and Klondike Bars seem to indicate otherwise.

Help.

 

Social Life

What?

 

Academics

I am still stuck in dreams of summer, of burrowing under my blankets and not emerging from my cave until the sun sets. I dream of days where I would stay up till the proverbial rooster crows, killing various pixels that form the images of men with my pixel gun. I dream of a time long past, a time of relaxation, a time of guiltless weight gain, a time of laughter and intense boredom.

You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one.

(I have two assignments due next Monday).

 

And thus concludes my address. My life has new meaning, now that you’ve wasted several minutes of your life reading this. The ego beast has been soothed, but only for so long, till the angst bubbles up again.

09/13/13

Procrastination: A heartwarming, coming of age love story.

“Genius…. An absolute tour de force.” – Kevin Ham, New Hog Times.

“Best of the year so far…” – Janice G., The New Paper.

“Two thumbs up! … A story that will make you believe in miracles.” – Lulu Flower Fairy, Fae Mail.

 

*****************

“Why aren’t you listening to me?” My date, Course Readings Assignments, whispers into my ear.

I look down, chagrined. “I’m sorry,” I say hesitantly. “I don’t think I can do this.”

“What do you mean? We’ve been dating for a while now, and I think we make a perfect match.”

I stand abruptly, causing the cutlery on the table to rattle. Heads swivel around to look at me briefly, but then turn back to mind their own business.

“Course, I know you’re good for me, but I just don’t think of you that way.” My heart breaks a little on the inside as I tell him what I truly feel. I don’t know why it has taken me this long to be honest with him, and it’s almost as if a knife has struck my heart as I realize that I’ve lead him on for so long. How could I be so horrible?

Course pleads with me, grabbing my head and squeezing it tight. “Honey, what’s wrong? Talk to me.” His eyes are desperate, and I feel broken inside.

I tear myself away and feel my eyes water. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Not with all these people looking. “It’s not you, it’s me. You’re an amazing guy, but I just don’t feel happy being with you.”

“I’ve been so torn on the inside, and my best friend tells me I should end this once and for all.”

The hurt in his eyes vanishes for a short moment to be replaced by anger. “Jay, you know Twitter doesn’t know what she’s saying.”

“No!” I cry. The other patrons of the restaurant are transfixed, as if they were watching an episode of Keeping Up with the Kardashians. A portly man with ruddy cheeks at the table next to ours chomps on his popcorn, eyes never leaving us. “Don’t talk about my best friend that way!”

I stomp out of the restaurant, escaping the stares. I am walking down the street, tears streaming down my face and blurring my vision. I didn’t expect breaking things off with Course to hurt this much. Even so, I feel relieved, more than anything else. Loss in my thoughts and feelings of self-pity, I am shaken out of my reverie when I walk straight into what feels like a wall.

“Whoa, there, little missy. Slow down,” A deep voice pours out and my body shivers reflexively. Not a wall. “Why are you crying?”

I sniff and look up. I forget to feel upset, and I feel my jaw drop open. The most gorgeous man I have ever seen in my entire life stands in front me. A sexy smirk plays around his mouth as he appraises me.

“Uh- I… Uh.” I find myself at a loss for words. I blubber and sputter awkwardly, rendered useless by his magnificence. Holy crap.

“Nice to meet you too,” He laughs. “My name is Sun, and I am hot. Literally.” In a normal situation, I would have laughed at that cheesy comment. But at this moment, I am basically a mindless bundle of cells.

“Yes, you are,” I say without thinking.

“You should come along with me and my friends,” Sun puts his arm around my shoulder and marches me down the road, taking charge of the situation. “We’ll have a lot of fun.”

“Uh. I… Yeah. What?”

“Oh, my friends are here!” I feel my legs begin to weaken when a group of ridiculously attractive men wave at us and walk over. Is this real life, or is this just fantasy?

“This is Facebook, Tumblr, and Random Shiny Things That Distract You.” He points them out as he says their names. “And this is Puppy Videos, and A New Song That Your Favourite Band Just Released.”

Their bright white teeth wink in the sunlight as they smile and say their hellos. I mumble something incoherent, dazzled by their charm, but they do not seem to think that I am crazy or off-putting.

“Jay!” I hear Course’s voice ring out from behind me. I whip around and see him, hair dishevelled and tie askew. “Don’t do this. You know how good we are together.”

“Course…” I begin. How does anyone do this? “I don’t think that that’s something I know.”

Mustering all of my strength, I turn around and leave Course behind. This is the start of my new life with my new friends.

 

I don’t look back.

09/11/13

What. Up.

It’s a phrase I’ve been saying a lot lately. I don’t know how it came about. Maybe it was a song, or maybe it was a friend (who is obviously a bad influence). There are probably a ton of other sayings that I could say, perhaps something really wise, something that would spur you to chase rainbows,start a revolution and change the world, but until then, I am most unfortunately stuck with “Whaddup”.

So whaddup, everyone.

I’m Jay, and yes, I am a girl. I hail from the Southeast Asian country of Malaysia, and it’s okay if you’ve never heard of it before. Really. After my enormous success in hoodwinking the admissions officers of UBC into accepting me, I am now a first year student in the Faculty of Arts! I also managed to slither my way into the Blog Squad. They didn’t even see it coming. I am that sneaky.

 

Yes, you do.

 

I’ve been in Vancouver since the 27th, and it already feels familiar and almost home-like to me. Trekking along the streets of Downtown for 8 hours every day has really prepared my feet for life at UBC. They don’t even hurt anymore. They’re just in this perpetual state of numbness and they creak whenever I flex them. I also live on residence! Reppin’ Shuswap y’all! When I first found out that Shuswap had co-ed floors, I was half-expecting hormones buzzing around, and pheromones so thick in the air that you could sniff them out. However, my floor’s pretty tame. A lot of us go to bed before 1 am. It’s a little like a retirement home with significantly younger inhabitants.

I enjoy random dance parties, surfing the waters of the Internet Ocean and hiding under my comforter with my imaginary friends (we just had a tea party yesterday. Mary ate too many cookies and got sick all over my bed). You can also see that I really like parenthetical statements. If you ever see me around, do come over and say hi. I am naturally quite reserved, but I will talk to you if you talk to me. Even I know the basics of social etiquette. And no, I’m not angry at you or anyone else. That’s just my face.

I’m actually not sure what I’ll be blogging about yet (my experiences in first year?), but I’m all about carpe-ing that diem, so I guess everything will just unfold naturally. I am so stoked about being here at UBC and even in my second week, I am still excited. For what? I’ll find out pretty soon.

 

I wish I knew how to end blog posts properly. They end just like books, don’t they?

 

And they lived happily ever after. The End.