In The Idiot, Dostoevsky communicates the moments before his execution, through Myshkin’s description of a scene for Adelaida to paint. He describes his surroundings in detail and becomes increasingly aware of the time that passes. He begins to regret the wasted moments in his life. Questions surrounding the possibility of being spared arises but the responsibility of living an intense life causes him to wish for death. As Dostoevsky waited for his death, he gradually wanted to be executed as his fear for being unable to live a satisfying life became too much to tolerate. Eventually the challenge drives him mad as he was saved.
I, like many, assume that I will die of old age or sickness, opposed to a violent death early on in my life. However, if my life does suddenly ends, I don’t think that I’ll experience Dostoevsky’s crisis during the time span between realizing that I am dying and the end. I’ve always thought that dying would result in personal relief. Perhaps the violent means that I would be subjected to, for the purpose of this blog, would not be desirable but I believe that the seconds before the end of my life, I would be at peace with both dying and the life that I’ve lived.