DISENDORSEMENT: The Bike Kitchen
DISENDORSED BY: The Ubyssey

Earlier this week, our beloved campus paper produced a controversial list of endorsements. Lots of people thought the paper’s endorsements were stupid and so maybe didn’t make it until the end where the paper said you should vote against a $1 student fee for the Bike Kitchen (which will include an opt out option).

In order to examine the newspaper’s Very Good Reasons you shouldn’t give the Bike Kitchen any money, we’ve enlisted the help of “Time Machine Ubyssey,” the last survivor from the halcyon days of 2011 hackery. In March of that year, there was a big fee referendum on the ballot, which included raising The Ubyssey‘s student levy by $1—conveniently, the same amount that the Bike Kitchen is asking for now. Time Machine Ubyssey felt so strongly about that fee referendum, it published a full-page editorial on their cover urging students to vote in favour [Ed note: and then a lot of people whined about ‘journalistic integrity,’ because it would have been better if the paper pretended to be unbiased about wanting more money to do stuff and also YOU CAN’T USE THE FRONT PAGE LIKE THAT]. Obviously, their position hasn’t changed much over the past two years.

Here’s why you should vote “NO” to the Bike Kitchen.

Ubyssey: Though we like the Bike Kitchen as a service, we voted against endorsing the Bike Kitchen’s request for a $1 levy.

Providing a worthwhile service shouldn’t be grounds enough for student monetary support. Fair enough. Wouldn’t you agree, Time Machine Ubyssey?

Time Machine Ubyssey: “Voting yes means that we are taking an active step in shaping this university by directly funding organizations and ideas that we believe are important.”

Moral: don’t fund things you like because that might help shape the university in a positive way.

Ubyssey: Any mandatory fee request requires a lot of justification for how the money would help all students, especially in a year where some students have been particularly loud about wanting to opt out.

All students must benefit. Gotcha.

Time-machine Ubyssey: Voting yes transfers $1 from every student to a childcare endowment fund, supporting student-parents by creating quality, affordable spaces right here at UBC.

Except for fees which you can’t opt out of and only benefit student parents. Those are ok. Also, you need a lot of justification, mmmkay?

Time-machine Ubyssey: Voting yes creates a $100,000 sustainability fund, the same type that exists at UVic, SFU, Queen’s and McGill, allowing even one student with an idea the chance to make our campus a more sustainable place in a direct way.

Don’t ask what exactly sustainability means (SHUT UP, SUSTAINABILITY IS GOOD YOUSE GUYSE!) because it can have 100 grand (which you also can’t opt out of) as long as there’s at least one person with a really good idea to spend it for us.

Ubyssey: We don’t think that bolstering the Bike Kitchen’s existing services quite qualifies.

The Ubyssey has very high standards for worthiness.

Time machine Ubyssey: Voting yes means more affordable tutoring from AMS Services, free DJ lessons from CiTR, and 24/7 news reporting from The Ubyssey.

Free DJ lessons? Essential! [Ed note: This was also in the halcyon days of D-D-D-D-DJ President.] And paying The Ubyssey to tell you why people who aren’t them shouldn’t get money, of course.

Ubyssey: “There are ways the pitch for the dollar could have offered a transformative service, but we’re not convinced that it would actually influence change.”

Giving things money won’t actually change anything!

Time-machine Ubyssey: “…this week, you can make a choice for change.”

But it miiiiiiiiight…

Ubyssey: And if the Bike Kitchen can ask for a dollar to operate the same business it currently runs, what’s stopping Sprouts or other non-profit businesses from swinging for one?

Fund other things too? What a terrible idea! Campus might end up being a real hell-hole if that happened—right, time-machine Ubyssey?

Time-machine Ubyssey: The most vibrant campuses, those that make a university more than simply the sum of its parts, are those where students lead what happens outside of class. Where they take charge and organize events. Where those with a project and passion can do just about anything.

Now that The Ubyssey’s own levy isn’t on the ballot, they seem far less interested in extolling the virtues of supporting other campus organizations and how student fees can be beneficial. In short: Dear Bike Kitchen: Fuck you, we got ours. Love, The Ubyssey.