Category Archives: Wellness

Pet Snuggles

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Want to know something great about UBC? Before exam time, to help you de-stress, UBC Healthy Minds organizes a pet visitation day where you can sign up for a slot to hang out with some adorable dogs and just snuggle your stress away.

I managed to sign up in time this year (slots fill up fast! Last year I found out about it too late) so I was very excited today to go pet some puppies. Okay, they were actually full grown dogs but I wanted the alliteration. It was pretty busy, but if you’re a dog lover with no means of having your own pet at home, this day would be really great! There’s something about stroking a dog’s soft fur that makes stress just melt away…

If you missed it this year, make sure to follow @UBChealthy on Twitter to find out when they’ll be doing it next year!

Stress Management via Mindfulness

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It’s true, I’ve written a lot about stress.  However, over the past six weeks I’ve been involved in a Mindfulness Skills group/class-thing through Counselling Services in Brock Hall, and since doing that I’ve learned a lot of valuable skills for managing stress.

First of all, I’d like to talk a little bit about the group itself: everyone there is open minded, non-judgmental, and there for the same reason you are: to learn to deal with stress better.  Confidentiality is expected from everyone, so I will be talking just from my own perspective and share with you some of the things I’ve learned. They’ve helped me a lot!

We all have our coping strategies, whether it’s to distract ourselves with TV or video games, taking time for ourselves by taking a walk or exercising, or chowing down on some comfort food. At some point, all of these things have made us feel better and less stressed out. But sometimes, those strategies don’t work; this is where mindfulness can be very handy.

What is mindfulness? Well, I can’t exactly condense six weekly of sessions into a blog post, but this is the gist of it: you pay attention to where your thoughts and emotions are, be present in the moment, and suspend judgment.

So for example, try holding a random object that has no particular meaning to you. Notice all of the details you can see and touch, focusing all your attention on that object. Your mind will wander; it was built to think after all. Just notice those thoughts and allow them to pass, and return your attention to your object, without judging yourself (berating yourself) for your mind wandering.  Congratulations! You’ve just practiced mindfulness. By being totally present in just paying attention to details in your external surroundings, you can ground yourself when you start to feel overwhelmed and think with a clear head.

You can also focus on internal sensations. Imagine a circle of light is around the top of your head. Now pay attention to all the feelings in that part of your body, and as you imagine the band of light moving down towards your toes, focus just on the parts of your body that are in the range of the light. Notice any tightness in your muscles or anything your skin is touching. Or, you can focus on your breath, and how your ribcage will expand and contract as you breathe in and out.

These are two great ways of calming your mind when you start to feel your stress spinning your thoughts out of control. Another one following these principals that really helps calm me down when I start feeling stressed out or upset is called “5 4 3 2 1.” Basically, you name five things you can see, five things you can hear, and five things you can touch. Then four things you can see, four things you can hear, and four things you can touch. And so on until you reach one.  If you’re feeling upset, it brings your attention away from  that emotion what was causing the distress. When I’m done, I usually find that I can think a lot more clearly and the tension that builds in my chest releases.

Mindfulness can really be applied to anything.  Basically it’s about being in the present, paying attention to details and your thoughts, and not judging.  So let’s say you start stressing out because you got a bad grade on a test. First, you notice that your thoughts are starting to obsess over this grade. You think, huh, I’m pretty disappointed by that grade. My thoughts seem to really be thinking about that a lot. Maybe I’ll pay really close attention to my surroundings so I can calm down. Okay. Now I’ll look at it objectively: This is the mark that I got. I can’t change the past, but I can change how I react in the present so I can shape the future. I’ll accept this grade, and try to identify how I can do better for the next test.

Granted, this is all easier said than done. You have to practice at it. And to be honest, I’m not sure if I’m getting my point across! I am by no means an expert in this. If you are interested in mindfulness and/or want to get a handle on dealing with your stress, I strongly recommend checking out the Mindfulness Skills Group at Counselling Services in Brock Hall. There are way more aspects to this that I can’t really get to and way more exercises that they can give you.

Since attending the class, I’ve been able to deal with stressful situations a lot better: when I’m upset with someone, I can calm myself down. If I make a mistake at orchestra rehearsal, I can be objective about it and practice more for the next time rather than beating myself up for it. If I start getting overwhelmed and exaggerating the situation, I can bring myself back. This class was probably the best thing I did for myself this year.

An Ode to Yoga

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This post is not actually going to be an ode, because I am not a poet and I don’t really know what an ode is (I’m sure I will by the end of term though; I’m taking second-year poetry at the moment). I am, however, going to tell you why I love yoga so much:

  1. Building strength. Depending on what type of class you choose, some yoga classes can be really intense and build all sorts of muscles you didn’t you you had! And in a more relaxed environment instead of a a loud, bustling environment of a gym or sport.  If you want an intense muscle workout try vinyasa or power yoga!
  2. Increasing flexibility. We tend to ignore our bodies. But really, do you think that hours hunched over a desk are good for you? Stretching and opening your body makes you feel good, less stressed out, and in less pain from sore muscles. (This part is especially good for me since I have chronic muscle pain in various areas.) If you want even more stretching, try a yin class! They hold stretching poses for 3-7 minutes.
  3. Time to focus on the present. Yoga incorporates a lot of elements of a technique called mindfulness (which I’m also learning about in my stress management class with Counselling Services – post on that to come).  Basically, you get to set aside an hour and just focus on the present moment. Concentrate on your breath, on your muscles as they hold a pose.  Stress can get us overwhelmed, but if you take some time to focus on the here and now, it can really calm you down and ground you. Not to mention, our lives can be pretty darn hectic and taking a moment to slow things down can really help your mental health.

Interested in trying yoga? I’d suggest starting out with a hatha class, as it’s more gentle and is a good way to start out. On campus, you can take a class with UBC REC, or try the UBC Yoga Club. REC classes average $80-$100 for one term for UBC students. The UBC Yoga Club charges $10 for a membership, and then all classes are drop-in and cost $2. I’ve done both, but this term I joined the Yoga Club and I like it way more because it costs less, there are more types of classes at more times, and if I have to miss one it’s no big deal since I haven’t already paid for it.

A month without Facebook

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I was that dweeb who e-mailed your hotmail invitations to this new website called Facebook, in 2007.  My decision to permanently leave Facebook for 2013, then, came as a surprise to many.  “May I ask, why are you leaving?” was the number one final message my friends sent me when supplying me with their Gmail addresses, for my trek on over to email land.

The question should not be “why are you leaving?” but “what finally made you leave”?  In my bag, I already took issue with its privacy (and corporate) concerns, time-wasting, inauthenticity, inefficacy as a political platform, narcissism, and so on.   What finally made me leave was that, upon evaluation, I concluded that Facebook had not enriched my relationships or social life in a way in which e-mails and real life could not allow.  Those friends I hung out with for a month on my trip abroad?  It would be more meaningful for me to write them a long e-mail a couple times a year than watch their Saturday night photos roll in.  Accepting a friendship request from an acquaintance from class, signalling a desire to maybe be on closer terms in real life?  A smile on my part could have done just as well, if not better.  Friends whom I chatted with near every day?  One-liners on Facebook statuses will never stand up to extended conversation over coffee.

Anyway, the point of this blogpost is not to self-importantly expound upon my decision to opt out of this medium, but to share with you my experience of excessively hanging around the pointy edges of Gmail Inbox.

Lessons learned:
1. Facebook, no matter what we say about it being a beast (as Panopticon or soul-sucker), is not that big of a deal; it’s what you decide to do with your time on it, that like any other medium, makes the difference in your friendships (you can post links to pointless entertainment through either Facebook or email , just as you can post observations on love through either).
2. You will probably end up procrastinating anyway, if not on Facebook, then mid-guitar stroke; your eyes will gloss over and think of other, unimportant things.
3. People respond to e-mails much slower than to their Facebook messages.
4.  You won’t really know what you ‘re missing out on Facebook if and until you hear about it through another medium…those few times might be shocking, but most of the time you are ignorant of your ignorance, so it’s not an issue.
5. You have to make modifications in your life to make new friends; smile more, take risks by explicitly asking people for their contact, go out more, and so on.  At the end of a month without Facebook, I do think it would be easier, socially, to go back.
6. What I miss:
*Facebook events: I know for a fact that I have missed out on some good activist events and, while social events can be co-ordinated through e-mail, they are cumbersome.
*Facebook chat: as unreliable as this software was, it is the only socially acceptable means of instant talk available today.  Indeed, I am writing this blogpost precisely because, exhibiting hermit-like tendencies today, I had an urge for chatting but no one to be with on demand.
7.  Your relationships with a few close friends, and a few distant friends, will likely flourish.  Your relationships with some of your acquaintances will probably suffer.
8.  Sometimes you will look at your Twitter feed with such dissatisfaction.

Overall, it’s difficult.  It does not surprise me that people always go back.  I tend to abstain from a lot of common activities though (driving, shopping, beauty work, drinking, etc.) so I think I can handle being an outcast in yet another respect.  I think.  It helps that I permanently deleted, not merely deactivated, my account!

P.S. If you’re a friend seeing this and would like to be sent an e-mail occasionally, let me know at miriamsabz (@) gmail.com.

Counselling Services

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Today I’d like to share something with you that I’m a little bit shy to share. However, it’s a topic that I feel should be more okay to discuss, so here I go.

January marks the beginning of rehearsals for the opera UBC will be putting on at the beginning of February (Dialogues des Carmelites, Poulenc, 1953-55).  Since I got my part before winter break, I’ve been stressing out like crazy about it. Ensembles stress me out in general; although my part is not particularly challenging, I don’t have a lot of confidence in my ability to move with a conductor, and I’m worried I’ll count the rests wrong and come in at the wrong place. Heaven forbid I should play a wrong note!  Although it’s doubtful that anyone would say anything to me, and most of the orchestra would probably not even notice, when I make a mistake, I feel as though I’ve committed some horrible crime.  The root of it is I feel ashamed of myself when I judge that I’ve played badly.

However, I didn’t really grasp just how terrified I was to play, just in a rehearsal.

I had been dreading coming back to school, and I felt quite down since I got back last night.  I sat outside the room where gamelan ensemble rehearses before class started, and a masters student who would also be playing in the opera started talking to me about the opera. Basically, she confirmed my fears that following the conductor is a lot harder than in regular orchestra, you rarely get cues, and it’s very easy to get lost.

I tried to keep talking and stay calm, but I could feel tears coming up behind my eyes. I excused myself to the washroom to try to compose myself. I thought I succeeded after a few jerky breaths and wiped up tears. I headed back to the rehearsal room and thought I was fine, but after a few minutes I had to rush off to the bathroom again because I just couldn’t shake that anxious feeling. Cue more crying and hyperventilating. At this point I didn’t know if I could get through the class, but I thought once we started playing I’d get distracted. Nope. Nope nope nope.  Crying in public is so embarrassing! When it became very clear that I wasn’t going to be able to stop any time soon, I told my instructor I was feeling unwell and he let me leave. (Thank you thank you thank you!!)

I gathered my things, trying not to feel the stares of my classmates as I left the room. I headed back to the washroom and cried even harder. My breath came too fast, in shallow gasps, and attempts to slow it down failed. I said to myself, “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t.”  All I felt was fear and panic and anxiety. Well hello there, first ever panic attack. Once I calmed down enough to breathe properly, I decided I’d go to Counselling Services. If this stress is enough to cause me to leave class, it’s time to do something about it.

Counselling Services are available Monday to Friday 9:30 am to 3:30 pm. You can just drop in for your first appointment, although you’ll probably be waiting at least an hour for your 20-minute appointment, maybe more. They get you to fill out a bunch of paperwork and then when it’s your turn they invite you in with what I’m sure is a very practiced soothing voice and talk to you about your situation. I’m sorry that I sound cynical, but I think that because it’s so easy to feel defensive about needing counselling, so you deceive yourself into thinking that others are patronizing you. But in actuality, the soothing voice actually did calm me down a lot without me realizing it.

Generally speaking, I’m mentally very healthy, I like myself and my life, and usually I’m pretty healthy, but I don’t deal with stress very well and I’ve got it, it messes me up and gets me down. So I was referred to a group stress class that meets on Wednesday evenings. I’m told that it isn’t a “everyone share your feelings” AA-style support group, it’s a sort of meeting where counsellors will talk with you and give you some tools to help deal with your stress or anxiety. I’ll be sure to report back and let you know how that goes.

Honestly, I felt a bit self-conscious walking through the frosted glass doors in Brock Hall. I even felt nervous before my  appointment came up. I felt a bit embarrassed when once again I couldn’t hold my tears in when I started talking to my counsellor. But the thing is, no one there is going to judge you. They didn’t judge me. You can be sure they’ve seen all kinds of problems, and they’re there to help you deal with yours.

Needing help with your mental health often comes with a stigma; people don’t want to talk about it or let anyone know they need it. But maybe if we talked about it more, more people would feel comfortable enough to get the help they need and live a happier life. That’s why I’ve shared my story with you.

 

 

Read the post on the stress management class HERE.

Stress.

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As university students, we all experience stress in some way. Sometimes it is ignorable, sometimes it is  totally manageable, and at times it can feel utterly debilitating. Time management and relaxation strategies can work wonders with the first two scenarios, but for the last one, sometimes they just don’t cut it.

When I get this “intense stress” as I will call it, it feels like no matter how I organize myself, there are just not enough hours in the day to do everything I have to do. Because I have so. Much. Stuff. To. Do.  There is just so much I need to accomplish it’s overwhelming and I seriously doubt my ability to do it. And taking time for myself, meditating, exercising, and “relaxing” activities can’t take my brain off of everything I should be doing at that moment and worrying I won’t be able to do it all and that I won’t be able to do it well enough.

When I get intense stress, I tend to:

  1.  Tell myself I can handle it and micromanage my time; this often involves not giving myself enough time to relax and have fun, and also staying up later and getting up earlier to try to cram more stuff in a day. Less sleep and less brain-off time is the perfect breeding ground for intense stress.
  2. Focus poorly. When my brain is in ten million places at once, I can’t focus properly on the task at hand.
  3. Get frustrated. I can’t focus, and I’m running on a fried brain.  Do you think I’m getting good results from my labor? No.
  4. Push harder. I’m frustrated with my lack of progress, so I push myself harder to try to get them. Hello even more tired brain.  I tell myself I should stop (this usually goes for practicing for me), but I haven’t accomplished what I wanted to yet so I keep saying “Just a little longer” for what turns into a lot longer, resulting in even less progress and possibly injury (in the case of my hands).
  5. Cry. I break. I lie on the floor for a while.  I question my abilities and also the fairness of the universe.
  6. Check in with reality. Okay, clearly what I’m doing is not working, made obvious by my breakdown. I need to take a break. I need to breathe. I need to remember that even in the worst case scenario, I will still be alive, and there will still be people who love me. And those, above all, are the most important things. What I have to do isn’t going to be easy; it might not be fun.  But there is a pretty good chance things are going to be okay.  However, letting your stress possess you isn’t the way to get there.

What am I going to do now? Well, honestly, I’m not sure. I’m going to take it a day at a time. I’m going to take more me time, sleep more, not pack my days so full. Not get mad at myself if things don’t go the way I want. I’m going to do my best, and if it isn’t good enough, well. I’m just going to try to get through this degree, and then live my life at a pace I like.

Also I’m maybe going to look into stress management classes.

 

“I Don’t Belong Here” Syndrome

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Diagnosis: “I Don’t Belong Here” Syndrome

Symptoms: Feelings of low self-esteem and confidence, worthlessness, anxiety, stress, depression, doubt. Wondering if one really has what it takes to be a UBC student.

Unfortunately, it is all too common this time of year for students to develop “I Don’t Belong Here” Syndrome.  With finals looming, you look at your midterm marks which maybe as high as you were hoping, and if you’re in first year, probably not as high as your high school marks, and you wonder if you’re really smart enough to be at UBC.  Your previous marks disappointed you, and your brain is tired now and you wonder if you can muster the strength to finish that final 100 metre stretch of the race.

It happens to me too.  Since I can’t practice much because of my hands, the pieces I’m working on aren’t in the kind of shape I’d like them to be in, and all of my peers seem to be miles ahead of me. In my harp quartet jury (like a test-performance which you get graded on), I didn’t perform nearly as well as I wanted to, and I started getting in a funk.  Throughout the year, I feel less than confident about my abilities, and although my teacher frequently tells me that I’m doing well and that I’m talented, I can’t help but feel like I’m just not good enough.

But the truth is, I’m doing fine. I’m just psyching myself out. And if the above symptoms sound like you, that’s what you’re doing too.  If I was no good at harp, I wouldn’t have been admitted.  Everyone who gets into UBC is smart.  So if you were smart enough to get in, you’re smart enough to stay in.

Your courses are designed to be challenging and push you to your limits.  If you feel like you need help, that’s nothing to be ashamed of; that’s why UBC has tons of academic resources for you to take advantage of.

You do belong here! Try not to get discouraged. UBC chose you, after all, and they weren’t wrong about i!

 

“I am in charge of how I feel and today I am choosing happiness.”

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Happy song du jour: Love Love Love by Avalanche City

This is it: the home stretch. Deadlines are coming up. Finals are approaching. Sleep is starting to dwindle. Libraries are getting crowded. Everyone is stressed out. But exams are going to come whether you like it or not. So instead of letting this time of the year send you into an emotional tailspin, you might as well just put on a smile, do the best you can, and decide to be happy instead.

Besides, it’s sunny today.

Early mornings are hard…

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…but early morning dance parties make them easier.

Pro tip for keeping yourself from sleeping in on Sunday mornings: make your current favourite song your alarm clock. It’s nicer to listen to than a bunch of blaring beeps, and you might avoid the snooze button in favour of waiting for the best part to come on. Having a coffeemaker next to your bed helps, too. Not to mention gaining an extra hour thanks to Daylight Savings Time.

Now I’m off for brunch at the University Golf Club, crafting for Kwak’s one-week vegetarian challenge, and studying my tush off for ochem and genetics in the Law Library. Productivity, here I come. Hope you do something great with your extra hour, too!

Meeting People vs. Making Friends

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I’m assuming that by now everyone has heard of whatweshouldcallubc.tumblr.com; I discovered it last week and went through the whole thing. Something that stuck out to me was a post about how people are “dying of loneliness”, and there was at least one other consisting of upper year students also saying how they’d only just found their place or still haven’t.

It made me think about how 1) it’s very common to not find your niche immediately as some people feel they should, and 2) how it’s very common for various organizations on campus to shove lots of ways to meet people down your throat and saying “Yes making friends is so easy here, you’ll have a group in no time.” Because seriously, meeting people and making friends with people are two very different things.

Some good ways of meeting people include:

  • Introducing yourself to the people you sit near in your classes.
  • Attending residence/AMS events.
  • Hanging around in common areas, if you’re in residence.
  • Joining an intramural team, or participating in other UBC REC events.
  • Joining a club.
  • Chatting up random people in line for Starbucks or at the bus stop.
  • Wearing a nerdy t-shirt. It’s amazing how many nerds who love the same stuff you can attract.

It’s true, the above list is slightly skewed towards on-campus students. It’s an unfortunate fact, but if you want to meet people as a commuter, you have to put in effort. It evens out in the end though, because here’s the thing about making friends: it takes effort. Except for a few exceptionally outgoing individuals who are certainly not me, meeting someone does not equal being friends with them.

Some good ways of making friends with people (a skill that I am always trying to improve upon):

  • Initiate conversation. I know you want them to start talking to you, that you want to feel like they like you, but realistically they’re probably sitting there thinking the same thing. And if you don’t speak up, no one will. And friendships generally aren’t born out of silence. (Not good at speaking to other humans? Start with, “Hey, how are you?” And ask questions. Ask them about their weekend, any exciting plans coming up, ask them about themselves, their preferences. Don’t give up, it takes practice.)
  • Arrange a time to meet up where you can have some solid get-to-know you time. The five minutes before class starts does not count. Go for coffee, have a movie marathon in your dorm room, explore downtown, see a concert you’re both interested in, a one-on-one study session. Or it could be a group thing, too.
  • Get their number and text them. Don’t be creepy or obsessive, but some casual banter can keep you on their radar and if you’re scared to ask them to hang out it can take some pressure off.
  • Do/say nice things. People like people who make them feel good. Again, don’t paint their name on the side of the clock tower, but compliments and remembering their birthday or saving them a seat can go a long way.
  • Meeting people and making friends go together best when you meet people in a place where you’re doing something you’re interested in; lots of the time they have the same mindset as you and you’ll have something to talk about and do together.

It kind of sounds like I’m giving dating advice here, but honestly, a good friendship takes nearly as much effort as a romantic relationship.  If you don’t go out looking, most of the time, it isn’t going to land in your lap. Lots of people I know have made friends through their classes, and I met most of my friends through residence and knitting club.  It’s not guaranteed that you’ll click with every person you make an effort to talk to, but if you never try, then you’ll never know.  Just keep trying, because your kindred spirit is out there, looking for you too.