I cannot believe it, we are at the final book in this class. Congratulations everyone! I hope you enjoyed the blogs I’ve written, along with the books we read together <3
I am happy to say that I thoroughly enjoyed this book! The subject matter is undoubtedly heavy, but the sense of (twisted) girlhood while trying to go against the “pre-destined” events (and rules) of life was captivating to hear. Notably, unlike previous books, I opted to listen to the audiobook (mainly because of easter weekend), which added to my experience. The translation is not exactly the same; I think it was created into more dialogue than descriptions, unlike the book. However, the story was equally as fascinating!
(Listen to it if you have the chance, it is an awesome listen/read!)
My initial thoughts on this book were optimistic. Based on its name alone, I assumed it would be a somewhat wholesome story of two friends as our main character, Elena, expressed her love for her best friend. Notably, this is not the case. It is unhealthy and ELENA is deemed to be the brilliant friend
The friendship between Elena and Lila is something I would consider borderline toxic, especially if I had that dynamic in my life. The competition was jarring and seemed to be masked under some clever pettiness or comment. Their friendship usually only seemed apparent when they needed each other help, debated about Latin or Greek or any language skills, and when they needed protection. Moreover, they both held resentment for each other, sometimes said directly or interwoven with their comments. Evidently, Elena was envious of Lila’s academic strength and outspoken nature, while Lila was envious of Elena’s opportunities and the sense of “freedom” from them. It was a push and pull between the both of them.
The care they had for each other is shown towards the end of the book, especially in the scene where Elena helps Lila get ready for her wedding, washing her. In the audiobook, Elena describes how beautiful she is, and for the first moment, I can sense no envy in her comments. However, compared to the novel, it’s interesting to see Elena’s swarm of emotions: envy, sexual desire, anger, hostility, sorrow and pity.
“I helped her dry off, dress, put on the wedding dress that I—I, I thought with a mixture of pride and suffering—had chosen for her.” (pg 313)
If anything, this sentence shows the complexity of the emotions they share for each other. As best friends, I cannot condone this kind of friendship to have, as it is rarely supporting and encouraging to each other.
However, I keep thinking back to the statement said in the lecture video:
“Necessity imposes a taste for necessity which implies a form of adaptation to and consequently acceptance of the necessary, a resignation to the inevitable.” (Pierre Bourdieu)
While I do not personally want this friendship, I cannot condemn it too much because I am not experiencing an environment like theirs. They are trapped in a world of poverty, violence, misogyny, and classism. Out of necessity, Lila had to study through Elena’s textbooks, or Elena had to rely on Lila’s demeanour in her inner voice. They are consistently trying to adapt and survive while trying to overcome the set-in-stone customs of their town. Lila does not want to resign to the inevitable clearly, so she seeks Elena’s friendship as a tool. In both ways, they can support each other in their environment despite the apparent toxicity of it.
Questions: How would you define Elena and Lila’s friendship? Do you think it is healthy both in our standards and in the context of their environment?
“In the audiobook, Elena describes how beautiful she is, and for the first moment, I can sense no envy in her comments. However, compared to the novel, it’s interesting to see Elena’s swarm of emotions: envy, sexual desire, anger, hostility, sorrow and pity“. Something that catches my attention is the ability of this story to be malleable, to be transported to different media without losing its power. That is an achievement of the author, Ferrante. On the other hand, I appreciate that you mentioned the difference you notice between listening to the book and reading it, because the way we configure affects and react to them also changes. What biases do we get from the qualities of an oral narrator’s human voice compared to looking at paper? Some passages in the novel are ambiguous and make us doubt the nature of friendship (even if we can call their relationship friendship, or make us think about the “toxicity” between them).
Hello!
I also had super mixed feelings about Elena and Lila’s friendship, on one hand there was some really beautiful moments but there was so many times where I was genuinely confused as to why they were friends. I feel like its very reminiscent of their environment, Italy at this time is going through very drastic changes and Lila and Elena are surrounded by violence in their everyday lives. So I think the ups and downs of their friendship mirrors the environment around them.
– Maya Berrached
I think that, compared with most of the relationships surrounding them, Elena and Lila’s relationship is much more developed and supportive. Although they have their moments of toxicity and over-dependence, I think it’s clear that they care deeply for each other.
Hi, I think that overall their friendship is healthy as they were both able to learn from each other and grow. At the same time, the competitive nature of the friendship is what makes is quite toxic at times as they are doing things only to be better than the other person.
— May
Hi Franny! To answer your question honestly I think Elena and Lila’s friendship is not toxic but rather it was sociological forces pitting them against each other (guess my major challenge: easy mode). I believe this is very common in female friendships sadly, a lot of external factors in our society and environment often make some women feel as though they need to compete with one another. I think there was definitely a love to be shared between the two girls, I think it was just a lot of Elena’s insecurity that tends to take over.
Hi Franny, thanks for sharing. I do not necessarily agree that their friendship was toxic at all, and the competing was more so during childhood in which they were young. It’s perfectly healthy for friendships to have moments such as having arguments (though it’s not healthy if it’s frequent).
Hi! I also thought based on the name of the book it would be about best friends who thought mutually positive things about each other! Boy was I wrong. I also agree with you. If I had this kind of friendship in my life, I don’t know if I would necessarily be happy, and they were also in each others lives for a while. So overall, I don’t necessarily believe it’s a healthy relationship between the two but I don’t believe they’re not friends if that makes sense.