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Personal

Well, I’m back in Toronto.  Or I have been for awhile.  I guess I failed at the blogging every day thing.  December was a bad month for it, seeing as I kind of lose my grip on time when I don’t have structure holding me in it.

I got into Toronto just in time for the brutal snowfall.  I know, every Canadian makes a million jokes about how we can’t handle snow in Toronto because Mel Lastman called in the army that one time, but this was just terrible.  It was even worse because I’m so used to Vancouver and I was wearing a T-shirt and a raincoat.  The salt and snow have ripped apart my boots, and I think they’re done for.  Those boots were my only footwear for the past three years.  They were very good boots, and I’ll miss them.  Hopefully I can get another pair just like them before I go back to Vancouver.

My dad bought me snow boots so I can get around more easily here, and I realized it’s been years since I’ve worn rubber boots, and I completely forgot how to walk in them.  I must have looked really silly during my christmas shopping.

I’m not spending as much time with my family as I’d like to be.  Both my parents are working all through christmas, so I barely see either of them.  I’m happy to get my mom’s cooking again, though.  I baked potato bread rolls for her the other day to show her I could.  It’s kind of a big deal.  Baking bread is probably the only thing close to a skill I’ve ever built in my life, and I just started this year.

Honestly, when I think about how unskilled I am in comparison to everyone else I know it depresses me a bit.  Everyone I know my age has something they can do that I couldn’t dream of doing because they were practicing while I was reading and playing video games.  But being depressed doesn’t help anything.  I remember when I was thirteen years old and I thought it was too late for me to get into shape…  I feel really stupid for that now.  I know I wasted my youth, but I’ve still got quite a bit of youth left in me and I’ll feel even worse if I waste the rest of it.

I’d make a new years resolution pertaining to that soon, but I hate new years resolutions.  I just need resolve every day.

Being in Toronto becomes less fun for me every time I come back here.  I’m starting to understand why I left in ways I didn’t even realize when I made the decision.

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Academic Personal

Last exam turned out to be easier than coming up with a metaphor for how easy an exam is.  The late night study session helped, though.  It’s always good to be certain you have all of the answers.

I went to sleep, got up around 6, had dinner with Sam, and then we napped again until midnight.  I’ve got less than eight hours before I’m on my way back to Toronto.

This whole term went far, far better than last year’s.  Looking at some of my grades that came back, I can’t say I’m happy with my average, but if I keep working hard for the next two and a half years, the three failed courses of last year won’t even touch me.

It was a little stressful this term, since in last year’s first term I was taking something like 25 credits, and this time I was taking 33, but at least I didn’t have to deal with any economics courses this time around.

It’s snowing really hard right now, I’m almost worried my flight will be delayed.  I’m not even sure how long it’ll take to get a cab over here.  I haven’t even packed yet.

I’m really quite terrible when it comes to travel.

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Academic Personal

Lots more studying ahead of me tonight.  As I predicted, I slept pretty late, so I won’t be very tired by the time my final comes around.

I know this isn’t the best way to approach an exam.  If this wasn’t my last one I wouldn’t even be considering this, but the risk of being a little tired after staying up all night isn’t quite as large to me as the risk of sleeping through my exam, which is quite likely.  I haven’t even woken up before 8:30 this term, and I’m not too good at rearranging my sleep clock on a whim.

I know, I can’t expect to have any employment opportunities in my future that are sympathetic to an inability to wake up before ten in the morning.  I’ve heard it all before.

Oh, well.  Back to studies.

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Academic Personal

This is not a title.

Today marks the end of my totally uncommitted time.  I’m going to spend most of Monday studying for epistemology.

As I’ve said before, it’s not that I’m anywhere near bad at epistemology, it’s one of my better subjects, but lately I’ve felt like I’m not studying hard enough.  Sure, there are a lot of subjects I can get through without really trying, but just because something is easy doesn’t mean you can’t still get results from working hard at it.

I think because my dad made me feel obligated to go to university I didn’t really take my education seriously last year.  It was the same in high school.

I think I’ve written about this before, but I had a lot of problems with high school, both social and academic, and after getting expelled from my first high school, I kind of moved in and out of the whole school system until finally my parents let me just drop the whole thing for awhile.  My official story at the time was that I was doing my courses through correspondence, but I was as poorly committed to that as I was to the regular high school system.  So I spent something like six months doing absolutely nothing.  I sat in the attic of my mom’s house playing video games and exercising.  The only times I ever went outside were wednesdays, when I had breakfast with my father (my parents are divorced) and then saw my psychotherapist.

I won’t deny that I was a textbook example of a loser at the time.  But spending six months out of high school was probably the best thing that happened to me.  I mean, up until then, I despised school.  It was something forced upon me since before I had long-term memory, and the way it was always presented to me is “Here are a bunch of people who aren’t your family, don’t love you like your family, don’t give you food or shelter like your family, but they have absolute authority over you.”

In spite of having a pretty screwed up family, I think I have pretty strong family values.  I do what my parents ask because I know they have my best interests as their main priority.  If my parents were ever to hurt me, I know it would be as a result of some kind of misunderstanding.  The authority represented in teachers never gave me this impression, especially since at least two thirds of my Ontario public school teachers, simultaneously bloated with arrogance over the almighty power of their workers’ union and burning with rage over Mike Harris’ conservative government, were concerned more with their paychecks and pensions than the growth of their students.  I always felt pushed aside in school, and the “authority” given by teachers seemed to serve only to assist them in pushing me aside.

Anyway, I didn’t like being forced to be in school, so once returning to high school was my own decision, it put me in a distinctly different position: If I did poorly, I was no longer making statements about my own objections to being forced into jumping through hoops by random authority figures, I was simply hindering my own personal goals.  My grades improved drastically just from this.

I remember what I thought at that time in my life, when I was sixteen years old, and I only had something like six high school credits out of a necessary thirty to graduate.  I recalled my middle school’s principal in eighth grade coming in to make a speech about what highschool was like.  He would repeat this phrase “sixteen credits by sixteen years of age:  If you have not accomplished this goal, you are more than fifty percent likelier to drop out of high school” followed by a long speech about how people without high school diplomas in Canada can’t even get jobs at MacDonald’s.  According to my principal, then, I was not only doomed to fail high school, but I was destined to be begging on the streets for money in ten years.  I hated that principal.

Not that I hate all teachers and principals from my past.  Without the support of the principal of my last high school, I wouldn’t be here, and certainly not this soon if at all.

In any case, I’m remembering this at the end of this term with the determination to take the rest of my time here at UBC more seriously.  I don’t need six months away from here to learn the same lesson all over again.

Categories
Personal

What? Are all Canadians supposed to like snow?

Oh, snowy night.  You bring me promises of a white christmas, but all you deliver me in practice is frostbite and temptations for those who would annoy me by pelting my window with snowballs.

Sometimes I feel like I was born a grouchy old man.  That doesn’t change that snow is not fun.  It’s cold and wet and if you touch it it will make you cold and wet.  There is nothing pleasant about the snow experience.

Winter sports are all awful.  All of them are based on the premise that in winter the ground is slippery so at least 70% of the activity in any winter sport can be described as “trying not to fall down on the slippery ground” Three separate winter sports come to mind in which that description covers a full one hundred percent of the sport.  You don’t exactly get a lot of options.  If you want a sport that doesn’t hold a majority in trying to avoid a slip and fall, you’re out of luck.  And just to coat the deal in expired sucralose, upon failing and incurring such a slip and fall, there’s more of mister cold-and-wet-and-makes-you-cold-and-wet-when-you-touch-it to break your fall.  And your confidence in winter sports being a good idea.

Just about the only winter sport that isn’t built around slipping and falling is curling, and it’s such an inane sport on its own.

I shouldn’t blame winter sports for being horrible, though.  It’s not their fault.  It’s just because winter is horrible.  Who could possibly be expected to have fun out in the cold?  That’s why winter sports exist in the first place: because winter is so awful that nobody can be expected to play basketball or soccer or rugby in the snow.

Winter is by far my least favorite season.

Categories
Academic Personal ResidenceLife

Today I handed in the last of my papers for this term.  That’s one major thing I don’t have to worry about now.

This term went by a lot faster than last year’s.  I suppose a lot of that is because I know what to expect.  But still, it feels odd to me that I’ll be going home again already in just a little over a week.  I miss my family, but I think it was better for me to get away from them.  Still, it’ll be nice to be back in Toronto.  Even though I’ve been in Vancouver for a while now, I don’t quite feel like I know this city, at least not like I know Toronto.  I can’t say with conviction that I know where to get the best hamburgers here.

I’m also going to be happy to be using Toronto’s public transit system again.  Vancouver’s is just horrible in comparison.  The bus drivers here are much friendlier, but the actual bus routes in Vancouver are all so winding and random.  Toronto’s transit systems are just so organized and euclidean.  None of this “Take the #15 bus to the #4 station and then take the #78 two stops until you see a giant tree, and then wait for the #58 and take it until it makes a right turn” crap.  Seriously, sometimes I feel like I’m in London.

It’ll be nice to see my cats as well.  The problem with living in rez is that the only pet I’m allowed to have is a fish.  I’ve got nothing against Ferdinand, but you can only have so much emotional attachment to a fish.

I suppose it’s silly to reflect like this now, though, since I’m going to be back in Vancouver just a few weeks later, and I’m going to have to come to terms with making this city my home.  I’m not going back to Toronto next summer like I did the last, so my permanent residence is here.

Nothing wrong with that.  It’s a beautiful city, and I’ve almost completely forgotten what it’s like to have crappy Ontario weather.

Categories
Food Personal Spirituality Wellness

Not everything has a perfect title

The potato bread rolls turned out great.  Really fluffy, and the combination of whole grain and while flour was just enough to give it a good texture.  I never thought it would make sense to put mashed potatoes in bread, but when you think about it there’s no reason not to.  I mean, mashed potatoes are just potatoes, milk, salt and butter, all of which are excellent ingredients in a good bread.

I’ve decided that sea salt is my favorite ingredient.  Every dish I’ve added it to recently has just become twice as good.

Today was both a very good day and a very bad day.  It was good in that all I did was some light studying before me and Sam made dinner.  It was bad in that I had another existential crisis of sorts.

As I mentioned before, I take philosophy a little too seriously, and it has on occasion caused me some degree of mental anguish.  Trying to think about certain questions about life and existence can make you feel like you’ve gone crazy for a while.  Combining that with life’s inherent limitations can sometimes make me feel a little depressed even when everything is going right with my life.  My entire life lately seems to be ruled by my realization that I can’t achieve anything I want to unless I become a much better person than I am, and I’m not sure how to do that.  I’m pretty bad with directions, either physical or metaphorical.

I’ve been diagnosed with depression by a few doctors and psychotherapists, but I don’t take the meds because they’re pretty expensive (Ontario’s health plan didn’t cover a lot of it) but they also kind of ideologically offend me.  I mean, every time I’m depressed I usually have something to actually be depressed about, and if I just take some pills and feel like everything is alright it doesn’t actually make my life better.  Also, if you suddenly stop taking the meds I was on the chemical imbalance will cause you to freak out.

Lately, though, I’ve been really angry and sad for absolutely no reason, so I’m rethinking my stance on them.  It’s kind of like how I refuse to make disability claims for my learning disability.  I’ve always felt like accepting the extra time would give me an unfair advantage over everyone else, but when I’m having a hard time doing tests on subjects I understand perfectly, I begin to think the psychologists have some legitimacy in their claims.

I don’t think either of these realizations will actually change the way I approach such things, but it’s strange how adamant my stance on them was for most of my life.

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Academic Housing Personal

Back just in time for the end of the term

Well, I certainly haven’t been keeping enough attention focused here.  A combination of schoolwork, a computer constantly on the verge of breaking, and some existential crises got in my way.  I learned some valuable lessons this term, but the most valuable is probably to never buy anything from Dell.

I’m sure most of you are thinking that’s a lesson I should have learned years ago.  I can only wholeheartedly agree.

Fun fact about Dell computers:  For the price of four years warranty from Dell, you could just buy another computer.  And for the price of calling Dell’s tech support line without warranty twenty times, you could buy a better computer.

To make a long story short, my computer won’t charge due to a flaw in either the power aqdapter, my motherboard or both, and as a result Windows Vista assures me that it will do everything it can to remind me every second of my writing term papers that Dell sold me a faulty product.  Their tech support company is requiring me to mail my computer somewhere so they can fix it.  The mailing time may go past my warranty and I have no guarantees they’re not going to decide to bill me for anything they do with my computer past the date of December 6th.

Unfortunate.  On the other hand, this has been a very productive term.  My first year in Coordinated Arts PPE was clearly a mistake; I have no talent for economics.  However, now that I’ve switched most of my classes to philosophy I’m enjoying myself a lot more.  I ridicule the future job prospects of being a philosophy major a lot, but the discipline really is my passion, so I have to cut it more slack.  I mean, when I first learned what philosophy was when I was way younger, I remember thinking how perfect a thing that is to do with your time.  Everything else seems kind of worthless in comparison.

Lately, though, I’ve had my frustrations with philosophy.  I think a big part of it is that I take the subject matter a lot more seriously than most students do.  Lately I’ve been stuck in constant indecision over trying to figure out why one action is preferable to another, and the lack of answers with regards to that I’m experiencing have left me a little out of  sorts over the past few weeks.  More on that in a bit.

Since both of us acknowledged we’ve been lacking in this blogging thing, me and Sam have both agreed that for the month of December we will write a post every day.  That will hopefully turn it into a habit.

As most people realize, last Friday was the end of classes and like most people I’m studying for exams as much as I can.  I’m really quite happy with the environment my new place of residence in Fairview provides for this; Totem Park never really gave me the proper  study environment, as much as it attempts to.  I guess I need to have more  of a sense of my own space.

Well, that’s all that comes to mind for now.  Assuming I keep up with my commitments, I’ll have more to say tomorrow.

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Academic Food Housing Personal Pre UBC Recreation Restaurants

Titles acknowledging that they are titles are postmodern and hip.

I hate imaginary numbers.  They ruined math for me forever.

I mean, honestly.  It’s not that I hate math.  I love math.  The logic of all of it is just so beautiful.  I remember when I was first taught trigonometry, how astounding it was to me that you could calculate the length of a triangles other sides if you knew their angles even if they were composed of line segments longer than the entire planet’s circumference.  When I was first taught that, it put a smile on my face all day.  Sure, I hated all the memorization and formulae, but it was almost worth it when you arrived at a conclusion and knew it couldn’t be any different.  Then imaginary numbers came along, and my entire world collapsed.

It was just like “Hey, you know all that stuff we told you to memorize and take to heart because we insisted that it would be easier than doing all the trial-and-error research that the ancient Greeks and Mesopotamians did?  Well now that stuff doesn’t work out for us, so here’s a number that doesn’t really exist.  Use it.”

And the gods of math did weep, for yet another eleventh grader had slipped through the perfectly symmetrical cracks of their divine fingers.

I just wrote all that because I had no idea how to write an appropriate introduction.  Introductions are just always awkward, whether they’re in speech or writing, because you always have to pretend you have both something interesting to say as well as a reason for saying it, when often you have neither, and all you really have is a desire to get a conversation going.

In any case, I’m Max Marks.  Some of you might remember me from last year’s first year blog squad, which is why I now carry the title of second year blog squad.  Isn’t the passage of time an amazing thing?  I guess a lot has happened last year, though I didn’t do a  very good job of documenting it.  I’ll try to correct that a bit more this year.

If you read the admittedly better blogging of my lovely ladyfriend, Samantha, you already know I was originally going to room with her in Marine Drive’s tower 6, which required us to stay in subletted apartments for two weeks before MD6 actually opened, but as a result of UBC housing being really awesome we’re now staying in Fairview starting tomorrow morning.  This is like a dream come true for the both of us.  My only real complaint is one of our landlords doesn’t seem to want to give us our deposit back because we canceled before we moved in.

There weren’t exactly a lot of events leading up to this, but we had more than a bit of time to kill, as flights to Vancouver from Toronto were pretty hard to get (I’ll let you come up with your own joke about Vancouver being better than Toronto if this information provokes one to you) so my dad had to book a flight arriving on the 23rd.

There’s not a whole lot to do in Vancouver when you’re a broke college student with a week before studies, especially since the apartment we’re staying in has limited access to both television and internet, to the point that I’m writing this in a bagel shop.  However, that doesn’t mean there’s nothing to do at all.  For example, yesterday I went to get the rest of my books before the September 1st rush cleared them all out.  It was at this point that I made an amazing discovery:  The UBC bookstore hates philosophy students!

Seriously, for every book I went to get, it wasn’t on the shelf for the philosophy section.  However, the books were in the store.  There were dozens of them, in fact.  They were just all given to the shelves for history and literature.  Come to think of it, this could also just mean that there are a lot more philosophy students at UBC than literature and history students, but since pretending to be victimized is more entertaining, I’ll go with my previous statement.

I was also very surprised when me and Sam went for lunch at what I consider to be UBC’s best Japanese restaurant, Suga Sushi, to find that their owner, Ken Sugahara, was no longer the owner at all.  I was flabbergasted to discover this.  I mean, you can’t spell “Suga” without “Sugahara”  A lot of you who frequent the University Village will remember Suga Sushi always had a banner above it announcing its “Grand Opening” which was apparently perpetually happening for upwards of three of four years.  I always found that funny and charming.  However, now the banner merely informs us that it serves both Japanese and Korean cuisine.  Granted, that’s much more informative, not to mention consistent with reality, but I feel like I lost an old friend.

You leave town for four months and find out things have already changed.  But I guess change is a good thing, so we shouldn’t complain about how fast it works.

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