For some time I’ve been thinking about ways to connect more regularly with people that are important to me. In my ideal world connecting with community is a part of my home, a part of my routines, it’s natural, easy, and assumed. I’d love to say that it’s easier to see people, even when times are tough, than to not connect at all. When life is challenging, things aren’t all going the way I expect – I don’t want to have to reach out beyond the usual for additional supports. When I or those I love can’t see hope or joy, I want there to be natural communal networks that respond and provide support. Instead of calling on one friend, who then bears the brunt of my complaining/sadness/overwhelmed-ness, I’d like to have a community of people who can love me in my sickness/overwhelmedness.
I feel like I’ve experienced this kind of community at various points in my life – as a child in my own family, with the assortment of people who made up ‘2nd floor Tweeds’ in undergraduate residence, living in Smithers in a strawbale house, and as a teacher living in Kenya where individual rooms faced onto a collective courtyard. Now, as single professional in my 30s, I don’t have natural or easy ways to be a part of community. I have recently found myself living on my own, and am surprised by the ease with which I can be un-noticed and anonymous in and around my own home.
I’ve been thinking about community a lot, lately. And I’ve come up with a few different ways of building community into my life and my community. I know that I’m not alone in feeling disconnected and alone – the Vancouver Foundation apparently reported that 40% of Vancouverites feel isolated. And so I’m sharing these ideas in the hopes that they may spark similar initiatives. I’d love to see, years from now, a network of these circles in all of our communities. I’d love to have someone ask me, ‘do you have a friend-family?’ as if it were an assumed part of adult life.
One is “Mt Pleasant Monday” – a once-per-month gathering of people who live in Mt Pleasant. The idea is to gather collectively on the last Monday of the month to hang out, spend time socializing, connect with others in our neighbourhood.
Arising from that amazing conversation came a separate but related idea – “green lei culture”. Basically, we’ve distributed some green plastic ‘leis’. When any of us in the neighbourhood are home and welcoming spontaneous drop-by visitors, we put out the green lei on our doorknob, fencepost, or mailbox. It’s as easy as that – !
The third idea builds on the broader loose connections fostered by the above two and builds a deeper, personal connection. I’ve been recognizing how hard it is to consistently make plans with different people, from different parts of my life, and how easy it is for me to ‘just not see’ someone for several weeks or even months. I’d like to be a part of a circle that notices when I’m gone, even just for a week or two, and welcomes me back to the city. And so I like the idea of having a ‘friend-family’ – a group of 4-5 people who agree to gather once per week (or maybe every other week).
Last night was the beginning of a ‘friend-family’ gathering for me. I and three others cycled to Kits Point with food and wine, our first of what we hope will be weekly gatherings of this circle of beautiful people. These aren’t the only friends I have in my life, but they’re the most regular. We’ve committed to be there for each other collectively, and that somehow helps me feel more ‘at home’ here in the city.