Old Sock Drawer

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#045: Vegetable Sandwich Man

January 22nd, 2009 by Mary Leong

Currently listening to: “Democracy” – Leonard Cohen

The one-and-a-half hour bus ride to UBC from North Vancouver can be absolutely ghastly sometimes, but it is days and situations like this that make me – dare I say it? – downright fond of busing.

So this whole fiasco started when my friend texts me all panicky, ranting on his new pet peeve – people who eat their lunches and have their juiceboxes on the early 7-ish a.m. bus. Honestly, he said, what do they eat for their lunch? Dinner? I chuckle to myself; he continues to rant: it is downright silly, there is a man who eats a vegetable sandwich every single day on the early morning bus, and has a similar sandwich every time he’s on the bus, etcetera. I am positively howling with laughter at this point. I vow that I must seek out this character, this veritable specimen of sandwich-munching –

and yesterday, the busing gods granted my bus ride proper amusement of the highest order.

You wouldn’t even think it could be him- the dear little man was dressed in a dark blue trenchcoat, and had on these little square-framed glasses, all professional and proper as can be, briefcase on lap, staring straight ahead like it was all so normal and all so delightful being on this splendid bus chewing on a vegetable sandwich. He would chew, lower his sandwich back into its Tupperware box, swallow, glance around, take another bite, repeat process, shifty glance, etc. As he finished his sandwich, I was trying my hardest not to stare/laugh/say something awfully inappropriate and loud on the bus – and as I thought I was succeeding, he proceeded to
whip out an entire loaf of bread from his briefcase and eat the sliced bread piece by piece.

At this point, I tried my darndest to think proper thoughts, such as ~*~INAUGURATION~*~, Salman Rushdie’s The Satanic Verses, etc, but it obviously failed. I think I must have passed the entire ride with a ridiculously large grin on my face as I tried in vain not to look so bloody amused at the whole thing.

Seriously. That’s amazing. I mean,
a veggie sandwich, and a freaking loaf of bread.

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