I am neurodivergent. This affects me in ways that are invisible to others, mostly because I choose to hide it.
Publicly, I appear successful given I am a senior professor at a top university.
Privately, I struggle everyday with my neurodivergence.
I act as the disability advocate for one of Vancouver’s drag artists, whom I will call Zuri (not their real name or drag name). They have autism spectrum disorder, ADHD, and generalized anxiety disorder, all of which combine to make their life a struggle.
Because they are highly intelligent, mask most of the time, and do not hide from the world (most of the time), most people in the drag community do not have an appreciation for how much their disabilities affect their life.
Autism is a neurological and developmental disability that affects the ways autistic persons experience and process the constant flood of input they face. Imagine an open firehose trained on you all the time.
Autism affects every encounter they have with others, and so colours every relationship in their lives.
The world can feel overwhelming when you are autistic.
Profound — often willful — ignorance of autism creates a hostile world constantly pushing persons with autism to mask and deny their autistic self any expression as a prerequisite for being included in society.
Constantly masking contributes to a deterioration of mental health, but, hey, it is important for the rest of us not to have to live with your autism, so please don’t let us see it.
Most people do not understand the reality of living with autism. While they may pay lip service to acknowledging this disability, through their actions, they trivialize and minimize it, especially in people they view as “high-functioning,” They discount the experiences of an autistic person when they don’t match the narrative they have come to accept about this person.
Surprisingly, many people feel comfortable, or even justified, in excluding autistic persons based on their autistic affect and responses, which they find “too extreme” or “too weird.” It is too much work for such people to have autistic persons be a part of their community so they actively shun them.
While they don’t understand the way an autistic person may think in general, they are particularly put off by the autonomic storms (“meltdowns”) autistic persons can experience as the result of unexpected or stressful stimuli.
These meltdowns are events of emotional/behavioural dysregulation, which can often result in highly agitated behaviour and extreme language being used.
Meltdowns are generally ballistic in their trajectories, meaning it is extremely hard for an autistic person experiencing one to regain control of their emotions in the moment. This means there is little opportunity for resolution until the storm has passed, which can take hours for major meltdowns.
After such a meltdown, an autistic person is likely to feel embarrassment and shame, which adds to the toll on their mental health. They will then spend time resolving the impacts of their meltdown, which is exhausting because it comes with the intense emotional labour of educating people about their autism and trying to make them comfortable with it. (Neither of these should really be the responsibility of someone with autism, but, alas, who else will do it?)
A meltdown can also place the autistic person at a disadvantage when it comes to the having the harm that triggered it taken seriously. Many people will quickly judge them to be at fault for what happened, or believe they over-reacted so the harm has been mitigated. More ableism.
Why am I writing this blog post?
Over the past couple of years, I have learned about Vancouver’s extensive and diverse drag community, and I have come to believe people who do drag want to build an inclusive community that is accepting of the great diversity of drag artists. I have come to believe they are largely committed to this inclusiveness.
Now I am not so sure.
This week some of the senior “leaders” in Vancouver’s drag community appeared to forget the principle of natural justice, and acted in the name of one of Vancouver’s oldest charitable societies to exclude Zuri without ever talking to them. There has been no real communication with Zuri about any concerns, but I speculate they are centred around Zuri’s autism and this group’s perceptions of its impacts on others.
The harm done by this group to Zuri is profound. Beyond ignoring the principle of natural justice, they have triggered a severe autistic crisis by disregarding Zuri’s human dignity. I am deeply concerned about the path this crisis is taking.
Will those responsible hold themselves accountable for the harm they are doing?