March 2008 – Sam Was Here

I think this is going to be one of the points in my life which I will look back upon and note as one of the times that I was ever truly free. I live my life like a sonnet, broken down by rules and mandatory qualities, (one must pay bills, one cannot do too poorly in school, one must do laundry and clean one’s room and be on time to meetings) but within all those rules, all those necessities, I posses unlimited artistic freedom. I can sleep when I wish, just so I am physically capable of making it to class, I can eat what I wish when I wish, though pizza won’t deliver after 3am, I can do my laundry at 5am or 3pm, no one will care. I spent the past two days doing nothing but lying about my bed, stretched out in front of open windows, next to my boyfriend, doing nothing but playing Pokemon Diamond (for me) and Pearl (for him) as well as ordering food from Swiss Chalet, and visiting friends from another house. I have an essay due tomorrow, so I am writing that now, in our house lounge, and after completion I shall retire to my modest little room and play Super Smash Bros. Brawl, not sleeping until I am tired.

I realize that this is not a perfect portrait of responsibility, that some may argue that I should get up at a set time, exercise and study during these days off, but this is my college life. I am taking good care of myself, I am doing pretty well in school, and fulfilling all my responsibilities, who can complain if I do it in my own manner?

Okay so I feel bad for not doing a Sam Speaks Saturday in 2 Saturdays, so, in order to make up for my lameness I am going to tell you what I fear, from the legitimate, to the stupid. Here it goes!

Spiders

Spiders are most definitely my biggest fear. If I see one I can feel my spine crawl and I shrink as far away as possible. I can kill them, but only if they are very small and very far away and I don’t have to touch them. Usually, I have my mom or Max do it for me. Actually, there is this one GIGANTIC spider that is up above one of the doors to Dene House, which I use to get into Nootka sometimes, but that door belongs to the spider now, cause there is no way I am using it.

Heights

Max and I actually share this fear, and it is only when I am around him that I realize that my fear of heights isn’t all that big. He doesn’t like going by ledges or bridges or anything. I can handle all that, but no high roller coasters, ladders, and the like. Actually, I think I have a fear of falling, not of heights.

Nuclear War

This is a good thing to fear, but probably not to the extent that I do. It’s the idea that there is a big flash then it is all over that gets me, also, being an American, we’ve had a pretty strong nuclear history. I think that is always in the back of my head. My mom had me read Hiroshima when I was about fourteen, and, while it is a really tragic story, I think the way it was written cleared up a lot of my fears about the situation…but it is still something that really worries me from time to time.

Aliens

I know this is completely irrational, but ever since I was little I have feared aliens. I am pretty I owe this fear to the joint contributions of both Independence Day and E.T. (I know the latter doesn’t make too much sense, but I remember having a lot of E.T. nightmares when I was little) I think it was also all those UFO shows that air on Discovery Channel every once in a while. Anyway, I still have nightmares of UFOs and being abducted and if I visit any websites involving anything of the sort I get kind of freaked out. It’s sad, I know.

El Chupacabra

As far as sad goes, this is the saddest of my fears. El Chupacabra, which is like a Mexican big foot. This is an monster that goes around sucking the blood of goats. Sightings have been reported from Purto Rico up to Maine, but it is mostly a legend down south. Now why would I fear Chupacabra when I am not a goat? I remember it all quite clearly, I was seven years old, and I was watching a TV show called Animal X on Animal Planet. The show was about the urban legend, and they showed a photo of the creature that really freaked me out. Later on in my childhood I lived with my mom in New Mexico, where there had been a lot of “sightings” and so I spent many sleepless nights certain that Chupacabra was waiting for me outside my window. Nowadays I am not so terrified of the goat killer, but whenever I am down south, I still lock my windows when I go to bed.

So there you have it, my fears. I realize that most of them are kinda dumb, but for whatever reason I have a pretty hard time letting go of them, feel free to laugh. On a far more awesome note, today is, officially, Max and my Bi-Anniversary. That’s right, six months strong. We are celebrating by having homemade stew for dinner. I really love him, he makes my life happy.