Category: Personal

Categories
Personal ResidenceLife Wellness

Samantha’s Sonnet

I think this is going to be one of the points in my life which I will look back upon and note as one of the times that I was ever truly free. I live my life like a sonnet, broken down by rules and mandatory qualities, (one must pay bills, one cannot do too poorly in school, one must do laundry and clean one’s room and be on time to meetings) but within all those rules, all those necessities, I posses unlimited artistic freedom. I can sleep when I wish, just so I am physically capable of making it to class, I can eat what I wish when I wish, though pizza won’t deliver after 3am, I can do my laundry at 5am or 3pm, no one will care. I spent the past two days doing nothing but lying about my bed, stretched out in front of open windows, next to my boyfriend, doing nothing but playing Pokemon Diamond (for me) and Pearl (for him) as well as ordering food from Swiss Chalet, and visiting friends from another house. I have an essay due tomorrow, so I am writing that now, in our house lounge, and after completion I shall retire to my modest little room and play Super Smash Bros. Brawl, not sleeping until I am tired.

I realize that this is not a perfect portrait of responsibility, that some may argue that I should get up at a set time, exercise and study during these days off, but this is my college life. I am taking good care of myself, I am doing pretty well in school, and fulfilling all my responsibilities, who can complain if I do it in my own manner?

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Personal

Sam Speaks Saturdays: I’m Scared!

Okay so I feel bad for not doing a Sam Speaks Saturday in 2 Saturdays, so, in order to make up for my lameness I am going to tell you what I fear, from the legitimate, to the stupid. Here it goes!

Spiders

Spiders are most definitely my biggest fear. If I see one I can feel my spine crawl and I shrink as far away as possible. I can kill them, but only if they are very small and very far away and I don’t have to touch them. Usually, I have my mom or Max do it for me. Actually, there is this one GIGANTIC spider that is up above one of the doors to Dene House, which I use to get into Nootka sometimes, but that door belongs to the spider now, cause there is no way I am using it.

Heights

Max and I actually share this fear, and it is only when I am around him that I realize that my fear of heights isn’t all that big. He doesn’t like going by ledges or bridges or anything. I can handle all that, but no high roller coasters, ladders, and the like. Actually, I think I have a fear of falling, not of heights.

Nuclear War

This is a good thing to fear, but probably not to the extent that I do. It’s the idea that there is a big flash then it is all over that gets me, also, being an American, we’ve had a pretty strong nuclear history. I think that is always in the back of my head. My mom had me read Hiroshima when I was about fourteen, and, while it is a really tragic story, I think the way it was written cleared up a lot of my fears about the situation…but it is still something that really worries me from time to time.

Aliens

I know this is completely irrational, but ever since I was little I have feared aliens. I am pretty I owe this fear to the joint contributions of both Independence Day and E.T. (I know the latter doesn’t make too much sense, but I remember having a lot of E.T. nightmares when I was little) I think it was also all those UFO shows that air on Discovery Channel every once in a while. Anyway, I still have nightmares of UFOs and being abducted and if I visit any websites involving anything of the sort I get kind of freaked out. It’s sad, I know.

El Chupacabra

As far as sad goes, this is the saddest of my fears. El Chupacabra, which is like a Mexican big foot. This is an monster that goes around sucking the blood of goats. Sightings have been reported from Purto Rico up to Maine, but it is mostly a legend down south. Now why would I fear Chupacabra when I am not a goat? I remember it all quite clearly, I was seven years old, and I was watching a TV show called Animal X on Animal Planet. The show was about the urban legend, and they showed a photo of the creature that really freaked me out. Later on in my childhood I lived with my mom in New Mexico, where there had been a lot of “sightings” and so I spent many sleepless nights certain that Chupacabra was waiting for me outside my window. Nowadays I am not so terrified of the goat killer, but whenever I am down south, I still lock my windows when I go to bed.

So there you have it, my fears. I realize that most of them are kinda dumb, but for whatever reason I have a pretty hard time letting go of them, feel free to laugh. On a far more awesome note, today is, officially, Max and my Bi-Anniversary. That’s right, six months strong. We are celebrating by having homemade stew for dinner. I really love him, he makes my life happy.

Categories
Academic Careers / Work Personal

At a Loss

Just before Reading Week, a couple representatives of the UBC English Honours Program came to talk to my Arts One group about applying for next year. Overall, I was intrigued, as I liked the smaller group feel it promoted, and the idea that I could explore English to such an extent. I figured it would be more difficult, as it requires a thesis in the fourth year, but I know I could handle that. The main set back was the grades they were looking for, as it was a good 10% above my current average. I figured I would get closer to it throughout this term, as my marks have only been going up, but I couldn’t really get close enough to be there. They said they were flexible when it comes to judging grades, so I still felt some hope, but mostly I was just unsure as to what I wanted to do.

I talked to my prof the next day and he didn’t know much about the program, but suggested that I look into creative writing instead. I perked up at the notion, as I have wanted to write books since I was eight years old, but quickly got over my excitement, as it is common knowledge, writers don’t make any money. Ugh, just typing that sentence upsets me. It’s partially false, as there are some writers that make lots of money (take J.K. Rowling, for instance). The catch is, it’s hard to become a published writer, let alone a successful published writer. That’s why I approached University with the idea that every writer needs a day job. I set my sights on becoming either an English Prof or a psychotherapist.

Problem is, now I am realizing that I am not as enamored with either of my favorite subjects as I was before. I don’t go to psychology class anymore (I found I can get a 75% on the test if I just read the book) and the book is pretty interesting, but I don’t know if I am willing to fully commit to a PHD in psych, which is what I would need if I were to become a psychotherapist. Even if I were, I’m not all that sure I could complete a PHD. I have a pretty good average, but not an amazing one. Same story with becoming an English Prof, except I am going to class, I am just stumbling with the material. I have to give SparkNotes a good look over before I write any of my Arts One essays, and I don’t feel like I am comprehending the material like my classmates. I love to read, especially classics, so how come I haven’t already read The Birth of Tragedy or The Republic, or even the freaking Iliad, (which I bought prior to coming to UBC and still didn’t touch until the last minute) when a fair share of my classmates have, or at least are very good at pretending they have.

This all comes back to honours. I thought, maybe if I throw myself into literature, my love for it will carry me through, but, as in the case of Arts One, that doesn’t really work. As far as wanting to be a writer, I am a bit in the opinion that in order to write books you need to have read a whole lot of them, even though this isn’t necessarily true. Nevertheless, I am still lost when it comes to whether or not I should apply to honours. I mean, if they say yes, I can always change my mind, and if they say no, they will have made up my mind for me. I just think I wouldn’t want to say no if I got in, so if I apply, that means I want to be in it and…well then we’re back to the beginning.

The final road block I have to deal with in my dreams of becoming a novelist is the fact that I have never actually written anything even close to a novel. I haven’t even attempted. The last story I wrote that was more than a page long was in grade eight and it was awful. As far as my writing goes, it’s mostly blogging (like here, and my livejournal) as well as, well, poetry. I like to write poetry. Actually, I am pretty sure that I am somewhat good at writing poetry. Great. I am good at and enjoy writing something that no one makes money with. I mean, how the hell do you become a successful poet anyway? Far as I can see, you spend your life writing poetry that no one understands, die tragically, become famous, then, from beyond the grave, watch 10th graders squirm while they try interpret what you did mean. Woo. I am just afraid that I will spend my entire life wanting to be a poet, all the while working at some large company, doing a job that murders my soul on a daily basis, until I retire, and then focus my attentions to pressuring my children to have more children themselves, until I die. That is not the life for me.

I think the whole point of this entry is to say that I have no idea what I am doing anymore.

Categories
Academic Personal ResidenceLife

The Responsibility Train

Yes, I did neglect two Saturdays and an entire week of blogging, but I have my reasons, and that is laziness.  That’s right, over reading break I did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING and it was GLORIOUS. But I am ready to hop back on the train of responsibility and I know that means updating regularly, going to class, and fulfilling many other random tasks. (Such as picking up a plethora of props tomorrow for the Totem Musical)

Oh, I didn’t tell you, I’m the Props Manager for Totem Park’s production of GREASE! Honestly, I am not the biggest fan of Grease, but I am the biggest fan of props management. I love working backstage. Something about making a show happen is intensely rewarding and makes my heart happy.

Speaking of heart happiness, Max and I will have been together six months on March 1st. I won’t get to ooey gooey or anything, but I am really happy. It’s weird to think about how our friends have never known us apart, but I like to think that we function pretty well as a couple. We already have plans to spend the summer in Toronto, and then move in together next fall. Come the start of next school year, it will be a year. I never thought I would find a relationship as soon as I got to University, I actually didn’t really want that, but I am so happy I did. He is amazing, and I love him completely. Funny to think that we first met over Facebook.

Ah well, back on the responsibility train I go…toot toot.

Categories
Personal

Sam Speaks Saturdays: Clickity Clackity

Saturday number two…let’s see how many of these I can remember to do in a row, which might be a bit hard, seeing as I alllmost forgot this one. Okay, so what will this Sam Speaks Saturday entail? The internet! Namely, some of my favorite websites and why.

PostSecret (http://postsecret.blogspot.com/)

This is a blog maintained by a man named Frank Warren, who posts anonymous secrets sent to him by people across the globe. Every Sunday he updates, posting about 20 new secrets from everyday people. The secrets vary from funny and heart-warming to tragic, but what I love about this website is the fact that anyone can participate. The address is posted on the site and you can use it to make your own secret that might get shown on the web, or even put into one of the books published by Warren. I personally have sent in a secret that was put into the second PostSecret book, My Secret (ironic, I know). Anyway, I highly recommend this sight to make your Sundays a bit more interesting, but beware! It is rather addictive.

You Are Beautiful (http://www.you-are-beautiful.com/)

This is another website that always makes me smile. The basic idea is that you can mail a self-addressed envelope to the address on the website, and they will send you stickers that read “You Are Beautiful” You take these stickers and post them wherever you wish, just to remind people that they are beautiful and make their day. You can even take pictures of where you post them and submit those to the website. I just love the idea of random acts of kindness. I’ve actually thought of making a random acts of kindness club here at UBC…

Overheard in New York (http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/)

This is a website I go to when I need a laugh. On it you can find a wide variety of funny things that, ask you can guess, been overheard in New York. Submitted by random New Yorkers and tourists as well, I sometimes find it hard to believe that people actually said some of the things you find there. Always good for a good laugh, Overheard in New York is a winner on my list.

These are just a handful of websites I visit in my adventures online. I mean, you’re on the internet now, you might as well check them out!

Categories
Personal

Sam Speaks Saturdays: Music to My Ears

I have been (mentally) smacking myself repeatedly, telling myself to update more, so, in order to cure my own stubborn writers block and staggering inability to use this outlet I was so kindly trusted with I have decided to create my own little weekly bloggy things. Like, Sam Speaks Saturdays (I am a slave to alliteration!), in which I think I will disclose one little-known fact about myself and rant about it a little bit so you, whomever you are, are able to get to know me just a little bit better. Forgive me if I slip on a Saturday here or there, as I am a very genuine, but forgetful person. So, what will this Saturday entail? Music! More importantly, my favorite song, artist, and album.

Song: “Blackbird” by The Beatles

I have loved this song since I first heard it, back in grade 10, when one of my now best friends, Kevin, first handed me his headphones and told me to listen. It can bring me to tears in the right moment as it reminds me of several different people and points in my life. It has slowly become Max and my song, mostly because it was his lullaby growing up so it makes the both of us feel warm and fuzzy. I know the fact that it is a Beatles song makes it a bit cliche, but it is my favorite song and I am more than happy to say so.

Artist: Bright Eyes

Actually, to say that Bright Eyes is my favorite artist now seems kind of wrong, I don’t really listen to Bright Eyes much these days, I think it is because I’m happier these days. I don’t know how familiar you are with Bright Eyes, but lets just say that I have 146 songs of his in iTunes right now, all memorized, and only about 6 of those songs are truly happy ones. His lyrics are more poetry than anything, and I think why I fell so hard for him when I did (I was about 13 when this happened) was because I felt like he was singing my own thoughts to me. Nowadays I am more inclined to The Decemberists, whose music feels like reading a novel, but I can never neglect Bright Eyes as my true favorite artist.

Album: Death Cab for Cutie : Transatlanticism

I love to put this album on whenever I am alone and need to be okay with that fact. The entire album is amazing as a single work, and I can honestly say that each of its songs have been my favorite at some time. “The New Year” is my anthem for every, you guessed it, new year. “The Sound of Settling” never gets old, it always makes me want to dance, and “We Looked Like Giants” is about sex and love and it is so raw you can feel every beat banging in your heart. This is an AMAZING album.

I am a self-proclaimed music geek, and I can tell you that it is bugging me that I have mentioned so few artists in this post. My music library currently holds over 5,000 songs and SO MANY of them are brilliant…lets just say that this post is only the beginning of my music pimping.

I don’t know which facet of my personality I’ll show next Saturday, but lets hope this weekly updating will get me out of my head and back on this blog!

(PS: Like my music tastes? Want to stalk me see what I am currently listening to? Add me on Last FM!)

Categories
Personal Wellness

In Memory of a Great Man

Four years ago today the father of one of my best friends passed away unexpectedly. Although I personally never met him I know he must have been an incredible man because I have the great pleasure of knowing his daughter, who is one of the bravest, kindest, most understanding people I have ever met. Even though I never got to meet this man he has had an extraordinary effect on my life. He has made me so thankful for what I have.

I know that right now both my parents are working very hard and sacrificing a lot to pay for my education and ensure that I come out of these four years in as little debt as possible, and I love them infinitely for it. I really wish I told them that more often. I think we all tend to take our families for granted sometimes, especially in college, when it is easy to forget to call, or limit the communication to “more money please” and I really feel that that needs to stop. These are the people who brought us into this world, that fed us and held us and taught us, these are the people who helped build who we are now. I wouldn’t have an undying love for The Legend of Zelda or know the relish of a perfectly prepared steak if it wasn’t for my dad, and if it wasn’t for my mom I would have a much more limited view of the world, and of myself. I love my parents and I couldn’t ask for better ones, and I am so thankful that I know them.

So please, if only for the memory of my best friend’s father, call your parents tonight. Tell them about the snow, ask them about work, say anything…just realize that, as sad as it sounds, we have only so long to get to know these people who created us, and we should take every opportunity to do so. Even if you call and there is no answer, remember to tell them that you love them, because they probably don’t hear it enough and will really appreciate it. Do this for her father. Do this for yourself.

Thank You.

Categories
International Personal

Winter Adventures

Walking back into Totem I realized how much I missed it. It really has become my home, and a wicked sweet home at that. I mean, where else can you live SO CLOSE to all your friends? Well, I suppose in ANY dormitory, Totem just has all of mine. :)

Anyway, I wanted to use this entry to write about my oh-so-eventful winter break, which I spent all over the place, beginning in Orange County, CA, (where I visited my best friends), then on to Washington D.C. (for a week with my mom) and then, finally, ending in Toronto, where I spent about 9 days with Max and his family. That’s right, I met my boyfriend’s family.

First off, Orange County. Max saw me off at the airport the afternoon after my last test. I cried most of the time I was in the airport. It was so scary, to cry as he saw me off. I’ve been flying alone since age 6, bouncing between parents 3 or 4 times a year, and I stopped crying at those goodbyes ten years ago. Now, all of a sudden, he’s saying goodbye and my chin is doing that involuntary wrinkle thing and I can’t call him while I am waiting at the gate because the sound of his voice will just make me cry more. It was awful. Actually, that whole trip was awful. My flights were delayed, I thought I lost my passport, I just felt entirely alone. Well once I gained some composure I managed to bury myself in a Chuck Palahniuk novel, Invisible Monsters. (I am a serious fan of Palahniuk, like, don’t even get me started on how awesome he is.) Once I arrived in LA I joined 3 of my very close friends and we went off to have IHOP, which was awesome. The rest of my stay in Orange County was spent shopping for Christmas presents, baking cookies, visiting friends, and knitting a scarf (one of my gifts to Max).

Next was Washington DC, I left the LA airport right around sunset, so as we took off I watched the sun sink low on the horizon and as we came around I could see the full moon reflected in the ocean just outside of LA. It was rather beautiful. Because of delays I ended up missing my second plane, so I got to sit in the Las Vegas airport for six hours, talking to Max, knitting, and basically just killing time. My second flight, across the United States, left at 11pm, we flew through the night. It was a horrible flight. I couldn’t get comfortable, my reading light was broken, and I was exhausted but I couldn’t sleep. I mostly just stared out the window into the dark, trying to recognize the cities below. As we came to land in Baltimore, VA the sun was rising, and I could see the same full moon glimmering in the waters of the bay. It was as though my evening had come full-circle. Mom picked me up at the airport and we drove in to DC. Once we got back to her house I fell asleep, actually I spent most of my first three days there sleeping. Once I was rested we went out and explored Washington, visiting the monuments, going to the museums, shopping a little here and there. I really love Washington DC, it’s a place that fits my mom extremely well.

Next came Toronto, and that whole flight was a blur. I mostly just listened to music and tried to keep from getting too nervous. This would be my first time meeting Max’s family. As soon as I cleared myself through customs I marched out into the airport and caught eye of Max and his mom. I threw myself into his arms, and introduced myself to his mom. She was as delightful as he had said she was. The rest of the Toronto trip was eventful. We went to all of Max’s favorite restaurants (and he has quite a few), saw a couple movies, met Max’s dad and his girlfriend Sera, went shopping, and basically just explored Toronto. But my favorite adventure was when we went up in the CN Tower…

Okay, so I have a fear of heights, as does Max, but I really wanted to see the CN Tower because I had never been to Toronto before, and Max was awesome enough to take me. It took us a little while to get there, but I got to have a Toronto hot dog from a cart on the street, which was really good. Anyway, after buying tickets we proceeded through security and up into the elevator. That dropped us off at the lookout floor. This was rather high up, but the view was fantastic. We could also go down some stairs to the glass floor…which is, literally, a glass floor. So you can walk on air. I was extremely nervous, but I managed to stand out on it for a little bit. Max refused. We then had a nice little snack as the sun set before heading up to the Sky Pod, which is another 50 stories higher than the lookout level. It was really amazing, to be so high up. It really did look like the world was at your feet. I walked around it once while Max waited near the elevator, the Sky Pod was too narrow for him. We headed down to the glass floor level again, ready to leave, when Max decided that he wanted to walk on the glass floor. We held hands and walked out on it before he leaned in and kissed me! We both felt rather proud of ourselves for conquering our fear. I think that was my favorite part of the whole trip.

Anyway, Max and I flew back to Vancouver together, and that’s where I’ve been the past few days. My break was awesome, but it really does feel nice to be home. :)

Categories
Academic Personal Wellness

Happiest of New Years

To start off, I must say that the year 2007 was an incredible one for me, probably my best year so far. I attribute this to many events and changes that occurred in my life, namely the following:

  1. I graduated high school. This was the single biggest relief ever. I was not a big fan of high school.
  2. I got into UBC, after getting my hopes dashed twice.
  3. I made it into Blog Squad, bringing together my favorite school and favorite pass time.
  4. I made a bazillion friends within that first week.
  5. I got a boyfriend, my first one, and fell in love.
  6. Through A LOT of hard work and all-nighters I managed to pass all my courses.

Those are some of my victories that lead me to have hope for 2008. All that said, I have some resolutions:

  1. To not procrastinate so damn much. (I am already failing at that one, as I have an Arts One essay to write…)
  2. To be the best girlfriend I can be.
  3. To be proud of my marks.
  4. To be more available to my friends and those I love.
  5. To be more charitable.

Those all seem doable. I’ve never been one to make these sorts of things, but sitting here after one year of awesome hard work, and seeing what that hard work accomplished, I realize that I really should dedicate myself more to my own happiness and well-being, as well as that of others.

I am currently on the last of three winter break adventures, all of which will be recounted as soon as I return to UBC. Wish me luck!

Categories
Personal

heeee

I currently feel as though I am in my own, personal snow globe.

…I don’t want it to stop snowing!

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