This was a bit of a tough weekend. I had a lot of time to self-reflect on my experience in my own elementary life and how what happened then can affect me now.
Like most people, I had a rough time in elementary school. In most of my education career, actually. I was one of the kids that got picked on by a lot of my peers, didn’t feel very supported by the admin or staff, and felt helpless a lot of the time because I didn’t really feel like I had someone I could turn to. This experience, at least in part, helped me decide to become a teacher. I thought that when I was a teacher, I would have all the answers. I’d be that advocate for the underdogs, that encouraging adult that really got to those students who needed to hear “it gets better. Trust me. I have been there”.
And then I realized that there is only so much a teacher can do. And even if you’re doing everything you can, the student isn’t always going to see how much you actually care that they make it through this. No matter what side of the conflict that they are on.
That was a bit of a shock for me. It made me reflect back on my time as the student in Grade 7, when I thought I was alone in the world with no one but my mother in my corner, and what good could she do for me at work when all the hardship happened in school? Did I have a teacher on my side, rooting for me to get through this? Was I blind and deaf to the encouragements, the little gestures of a smile or the softly spoken “how’re you doing”?
I can’t honestly give an answer to that. I only remember sitting in the principal’s office with my mother, the girl who was bullying me and her mother, being told that I was a liar, that I was making it all up and that “my daughter would never do such a thing.” I didn’t have proof. Her words didn’t bruise me. There was no digital footprint to recall as evidence in the infractions. But now there is.
Now, what you put on the internet is, more or less, there forever. Whether your intentions are innocent or not, the interpretation is up to the receiver. This also means that there is no getting way from it. At least when I was in Grade 7, I could go home and the taunting and name calling would only be in the memories that replayed in my head. Social media, texting and private messaging took the solace of home away. While there are some students who are not as submerged into the technological world, a majority have a cellphone in their pocket despite the no cellphone rule. It’s too easy to reach someone now. And it’s too easy to spread information and let it grow into something larger than yourself and that one person that you sent it to. You see, they sent that something to a couple friends, and those friends sent it to a couple of their friends who then sent it to a couple of their friends and so on. Suddenly, everyone knows your business and it’s not just the two in the original conflict. It’s you, the other person and their group of friends who are all armed to the teeth with incriminating information. I’ll state it again, whether your intentions are innocent or not, the interpretation is up to the receiver.
So what do you do as the teacher? You’re not on Facebook or Snapchat with your students. You don’t get the live feed and can’t squash this situation before it blows up. Unfortunately, it seems that the adults only get involved after everything has come to a boiling point. And that’s not what we want. We want to stop these things before they start. But we can’t. Not unless they come and talk to us and allow us to try and fix it before it gets too bad.
My reflections this weekend, all internal and deeply emotional, made me realize that a lot of your heart goes into being an educator. Like, most of it. You want what is best for your students, and when they are not getting that, you can feel like you failed them. I do everything I can, everything that is in my power, to help. But it’s up to them to ask for that help before I can give it.
So, what can we do to make our classrooms places of kindness?
Should teacher candidates be given more work on the Ethics of Care (see Noddings or Beck)? Is it teachers need more assistance in creating caring classrooms?
Given how much time has been spent on trying to encourage students to be kind, what else can be done? At some point can we say we’ve tried our best?
I am happy the students feel comfortable talking with you. Your life experiences are only going to make you a better teacher.
I have to say I agree Nicole that this is very important work. It is one reason that UBC moved from a ‘Principles of Teaching’ course to working to integrate the Principles into methodology courses and moving from a ‘Classroom Management’ course to a more holistic ‘Classroom Climate’ course. More work definitely needs to be done! Of course, as I always argue, there is no one course or even one program or series of courses that can teach us what we know to become effective teachers. This takes time, practice, trial and error! We can only each do our best and take what we learn and observe into our practice.
Hello Vicki, this is a very honest and moving reflection that demonstrates your emerging recognition of the role of the teacher and the conflict that can exist when you recognize what you can and cannot accomplish. It is exciting to see you reconciling your own lived experiences with your new perspective ‘as’ teacher. This seems to be allowing you to acknowledge that even if you didn’t feel that teachers were on your side or trying to support you, perhaps they were in some cases.
Keep in mind that research suggests that just one deep connection outside of the home can make the difference for a child – even if they don’t see it at the time.