dazed and confused in vancouver

Today in ENGL 110 (that’s the only class I ever seem to write about,
how strange!), we were discussing our novels and somehow got on the
topic of how people often betray their own identities in order to fit
in with a certain group of people.  You know, we’ve all been their,
done that.

So, in my effort to contribute positively to the discussion, I
referenced the film Mean Girls, which has very little resemblance to our Native Canadian literature.  Half the class chuckled nervously, and my
TA burst out laughing since he’d never seen the movie, but thought it
was great that someone brought pop culture into our serious literary discussion.  At the time, I wasn’t too sure if my point was valid or not until after the discussion, he approached me and praised me on making good points throughout the discussion.

Just goes to show!  Your random observation may be worth throwing out there, no matter how strange it may seem.

Doing a research paper is a really great way to educate yourself.  It seems like a truism, but most of the time, we have a vague idea about the stuff that we’re researching on.

I thought so too when I started my English paper on Native residential schools in Canada.  I’d heard of them before, I knew that bad stuff happened at them.  A lot of people came out of them with long lasting problems.  Fairly straight forward.

I did not know that the United Church (which I was raised in) was an instrumental part of the mental, physical and sexual abuse against thousands of Native children.  I did not know that thousands of Natives were made involuntarily made sterile and that this practice is still on going.  I did not know that about 50 000 Native children were murdered, most of whom’s parents were either not informed or lied to about the circumstances under which they died.  I did not know people have died mysteriously either before or during their testimony against the government and the churches involved.  There’s a lot of stuff I didn’t know about this subject.

And the more I talk to friends, the more I find out that they also don’t know about it.  Everyone I tell about my research is shocked.  Sure, we’ve all seen a few articles about lawsuits for abuse against Natives, but the sheer brutality of it is mind boggling.

Ugh.  I really want to write more about this, but I don’t know if I can bring myself to.  Back of research.  I seriously want to cry.

All of last year, I struggled with being a subpar student.  I have a long list of excuses as to why I was subpar, whether it was my lack of IB education (only one school in Ottawa had it and it wasn’t mine), the fact that I’d been out of the school system for 2 years, the fact that I was homeschooled for 3-odd years.  I grew accustomed to the fact that getting a C+ was normal for me and anything above that was a blessing from above.  I do not think I that I am stupid, I just found that I had a hard time getting into the university mindset.

Going into second year, only being able to register on the second-last day of registration due to a low GPA, I really wasn’t expecting much better from this second year.  I’ve set myself some goals, like no C’s, getting a 70%+ average so I can apply for Go Global and getting a 74%+ average so I can apply for the Asian Studies Honors program.  Did I realistically expect to achieve these goals?  Perhaps not.

So far this year, I have not received anything less than a 90% in Japanese and I was just returned an in-class essay with a mark of B+/A.  For anyone who has ever heard me complain about it, I am the worst in-class essay writer as I tend to have problems developing a thesis and supporting it within the time allotted.  In high school, my teacher would call my mother because I would write really good essays that had absolutely nothing to do with the question asked.

Maybe my goals aren’t so far out of reach after all!  This year, I’m making concentrated efforts to sit down and do my readings, prepare for all quizzes, be comfortable with the material enough to get through essays and such.   It is possible!  For all you slackers and academic misfits, it IS possible!

Now, back to work researching for a paper that is worth 50% of my final grade, ack!

There is something intrinsically beautiful about having a canceled lecture on Thursdays.  On a day where I have 5.5 hours of class, it’s like having Christmas come early!  I do believe that this shall be classified under “wellness”.  🙂

ENGL 110 has taught me a meaningless jumble of repeated monosyllabic words can be considered poetry.  I mean, hell, I can be a poet too, if that’s the case!

Bird.  Hour.  Wait.  Tire.  Pray.  Death.  Bird.
See, I’m a flipping genius.  It took me all of 5 seconds to come up with brilliance.

Sorry, I’m somewhat disdainful of poetry, especially the type that makes no apparent sense.  Hopefully ENGL 110 will give me an appreciation for it?