Your mission, should you choose to accept it, will be to infiltrate the Sauder School of Business at the University of British Columbia. Regularly report on your experiences with people and events on campus, and be prepared for any strange situations that may arise. This message will self-destruct in five seconds.
Other than having the unquenchable desire to wear formal business clothing at all times (I might as well be Barney Stinson, but with fewer romantic rendezvous), I enjoy talking ceaselessly about my accomplishments to the point where every word out of my mouth is a direct quotation from my resume, and never straying more than five meters away from the Henry Angus building.
At least, that’s what the portfolio given to me by my agency tells me. All of the information gathered is from a carefully curated and doubtlessly accurate site called Reddit, and is meant to help me blend in with my surroundings. However, this might be a tall order considering the real me is radically different from the character I am supposed to play while undercover. Therefore, unbeknownst to the agency, I have taken it upon myself to disprove the notion that only monotonous, conformist individuals can survive in Sauder.
However, my personal mission is not without risks. Judging from the rumours of past operatives, those who do not make an active effort to fit in are strapped into a cubicle and forced to process tax returns for the remainder of their short and painful lives. Hopefully, this does not become my fate.
For the rest of the year, I urge you to follow me on my mission, and contact the agency immediately for my exfiltration should anything horrible befall me.