Constituency races are off, and, as usual, the Engineers have their act way, way together. As Sir Lougheed of SUS and his merry band of Elections Admins struggle to get elections (and, judging by the looks of it, their website OH SNAP) up and running, the Engineers have already submitted their candidate profiles.
We’ll be the first to admit that we’re less than informed about the inner machinations of the EUS, nor are we particularly inclined to, uh, penetrate their inner recesses, shall we say. (Sexiest faculty = Arts, no question.) But even our ignorant eyes can identify a few key players in the upcoming EUS Elections Extravaganza—PLUS, a complete list of candidates—after the break.
VP EVENTS: Nerdy Gaga
The VP Events race looks as though it will be hard-fought between Kian Mousavi and Nigel Myers, two no doubt dedicated young gentlemen, and their opposing “just a bunch of nerds” and “I am Lady Gaga in disguise” platforms. Behold:
Mousavi, whose candidate information states that other faculties think of Engineering as “just a bunch of nerds,” and reprimands his fellow Engineers for “isolat[ing] ourselves from everybody else in the south side and we have no idea what is going on in the other side and it is as if we are not interested,” claims his “other involvement such as the greek system” can help him “satisfy the requirements of this position.” (Somewhere, VP External Mcelroy is biting his lip trying not to make the obvious joke, so I’ll help him out here: Satisfy the requirements? of this position? that’s what she said.) Anyway, fear not, young Engineers, for Mousavi has a message of hope for you: YOU ARE NOT THE LONERS—at least, not if you vote for him.
On the other hand, Myers is on a first-name basis with both LCLB & RCMP (in his role as EUS SoCo, natch) and a quadruple-platinum artist, so there’s that. Vote accordingly.
APPLIED SCIENCES STUDENT SENATOR: One Lin to Rule them All
AppSci’s senate race should also be fascinating. Remember Philip Edgcumbe, who very literally (and unluckily) broke a leg and dropped out of last term’s BoG/Senate/whatever, he dropped out of it, i’m not searching the archives race? And then there’s Sina “Armpit Tumor/Shotgun Wound” Sahami:
But by far the most unintentionally terrifying candidate has got to be current AMS Rep and EUS President Lin Watt, who apparently sleeps, on average, two hours a night. We’re not sure why we find her so intimidating—is it her remarkably professional website, which went up with lightning speed? Maybe we cower in terror at her ability to hold—and efficiently perform—not one but two major AMS positions. Or, possibly, we’re just afraid that the fact is, she’s one of only two women running in this entire race. I mean, fuck. I can’t even update this website more than once a day, and I don’t face systematic discrimination at my job (unless you count Taylor harping on about my pants.)
For your perusal, the rest of the candidates, plus contact/platform information.
VP Communications & Administration
- Kian Mousavi
- Nigel Myer
- Farshid Azampour
- Dan Olsen
- Brian Lee
- Milad Mesbah
AMS Rep (3 positions)
- Julian Ritchie (also running for President)
- Nick Sertic (also running for VP Academic)
- Pouria Talebifard (website)
Applied Science Student Senator
Sir SUS ftw…and I <3 EUS
also, kai, i just like to celebrate your newfound conversion to taylorism.
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