Category Archives: EUS Elections

Voting for Sexy Candidates is Sexy.

Let’s face it: looks matter. Attractive people succeed in life. Just knowing that Kai and Taylor are extremely attractive individuals is probably enough to get you to read this blog. Their shear hilarity and awesomeness gets you coming back with every post.

Enter myself, Gossip Guy, into the fold, and holy shit, you’re probably checking this site more than twitter and facebook combined. Yeah, I’m vain like that. Deal with it.

There are some sparkle-tastic sexy candidates this year. Choosing solely and purely on looks, who would the Confidential pick? Only the ones that fit our extremely strict guidelines. Sometimes it’s fashion that tickles our fancy, other times it’s someone’s adorableness that fancies our tickle. First up…. Arts.

"oh hai"

Ryan Trasolini

He’s the definition of smarmy. He was the one out there in front of every event, looking awfully cold, handing out his fantastic yellow business cards. That has to be a few sparkle points and a gold star or two in the Unicorn Championships.

Fact is, the man is bold. He can be in your face. He’s not afraid to take chances, just like his seafoam green shirt in the picture. He’s quite adorable and cute, which is evened out by his obviously cheesey/sleazy behaviour.

Ryan Trasolini – we approve. Of everything. Except for that shirt. I fucking hate that colour.

YEAH YOU WANT TO READ MORE.

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Partial Results Wholly Unsatisfying

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…if you know what we mean.
PARTY’S OFF, EVERYBODY GO HOME.

After $60,000 from Arts alone (and that uneven funding is a whole ‘nother story) spent on booze, booze, and Said the Whale, UBC VOTES is ready to announce the results of their efforts. Er, kind of. See, the longer elections go on, the clearer it’s becoming that this election is bound to reinforce the status quo. Let’s look at some of the goals we had going into this. Was there an upturn in student involvement?
Well, according to Sir SUS (EA Lougheed)… no. (But there’s so much else to celebrate!)

and then we all held hands and sang 'kumbaya'

Oh. Well. Was there a new sense of excitement surrounding constituency politics?
…um, well, Eleven’Eleven” said some really nice things. But most students still have a predictable reaction:

someone call the 'wah'mbulance

I see. How about we just find out who won, then?—ah, but as it turns out, we won’t be getting that either.

The registrar’s office has, apparently, bucked at the notion of having to provide a list of student numbers of online voters on Friday. EAs may protest, but to no avail—the registrars have deadlines, too, and they’re not giving it up until after the weekend. This means that the paper ballots cast can’t be counted (because double votes can’t be eliminated) until Monday. Meanwhile, “partial results” (aka web ballots + Epic Math) will be announced tonight, but we’re assuming that the number of paper ballots (est. 25% of those cast)—and, thus, the margin of error—will still be rather high.

So what went wrong? Well, for one thing, this whole UBCVOTES thing—cool as it is—was rather last-minute. Hopefully next year’s committee, should they decide to keep the partnership alive, will start planning earlier & make use of now-existing infrastructure.

Secondly, events (& voting) were heavily promoted online, but given the nature of the hack facebook community (so insular, NASA’s using it to keep astronauts warm! ba-dump-ching), this may not have been the best strategy. Perhaps, next year, a better physical presence? We hear the SUB is good for that.

i'll kick it with your funky bunch

Thirdly, the elections committee was forced to use WebVote at the last minute, rather than the hackable AMS Elections voting system, although, again, the availability of (alternative) paper balloting was limited at best. In conjunction with this, we’d strongly—strongly—recommend a more comprehensive volunteers program, possibly with a talented, dedicated volunteers coordinator.

On a positive note, what went right? Well, we’re totally impressed by the dedication of the entire elections committee. Lots of love for former Confidentialite Taylor Loren, whose voice was apparent in a lot of the official emails we got (even though they were e-signed by the EAs) and who was a vivacious and visible presence throughout the events/voting process, from tweets to butts in seats. The events were expensive, yes, and not too effective, but they were way way bomb.com. MoA is a kick-ass venue, y’all. Everyone who went to the parties had a lot of fun (and there’s photographic evidence if you know where to look). Drink tickets got handed out like fuckin’ confetti. And hey, pancakes!

But we’re still mulling over one question: will all these sexy parties be enough to prevent the largest candidate case of blue balls, like, ever??

that looks... painful. (image c/o trucknutz)

Dear EA Will McEwan: We’re so sorry

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Oh, how times have changed.

Remember when we were all, “EUS have their shit together” and praised them up and down? PISH-TOSH. Crack a beer, friends, and learn all about the shenanigans going on in the nerdotron faculty.

Julian Ritchie just disendorsed himself for EUS President, citing a wish to not split the vote. If you’re American, this decision can be explained as an alternate universe in which Ralph Nader disendorsed himself in the 2000 Gore/Bush elections. Of course, Julian Ritchie is a lot smarter than Ralph Nade oh hey, back to the coverage. So why would Ritchie ask his supporters to reconsider their choice? In other words, who’s Bush?

He’s still running, and can’t say for sure…

In unrelated news, “as everyone who looks at the elections website can see,” there’s an apparent Iranian/Persian slate running in the election [Ed. note: I didn’t say it, but someone Iranian did: “They can hold meetings in Farsi!”] Sources say they handed in paperwork together, and only recently de-friended one another on Facebook (although if FB were an indicator of slates, the whole damn system would be screwed). And you might notice while Facebook stalking that the supporter of one tends to be the supporter of all the others. And you might also notice that they all seem to have the same campaign points, even when such points fall outside of the position they’re running for. BUT IT’S TOTALLY NOT A SLATE, AND WE’RE NOT SAYING THAT.

So, aside from some platform glitches, what’s the problem? After all, this isn’t the AMS’s first—or only—unofficial (apparent) slate. What’s worrying insiders is the fact that all of these candidates, with no exception, appear to be hilariously incompetent.

they’re our corporate sponsor

OH MY GAWD EDITOR LADY i dont understand what would make you say that CLEARLY you know NOTHING AT ALL about elections RAWWWRRRRR on what evidence could you POSSIBLY base this HEINOUS ACCUSATION

Well, for one thing, there’s the clusterfuck of a wall on Presidential candidate Sina Sahami’s election event. It’s 10 pages long now, and no doubt getting longer, so I’ll save you the trouble and say that it’s disheartening, not least of all because of the sort of crazymaking Sahami supporter who says things like this:

I heard people commenting that [Sina’s 50% participation goal] is far-fetched simply because even countries have not been able to do so. Yes that is true. However, I believe that the problem is the government bodies themselves; they DO NOT WANT MANY PEOPLE TO BE ACTIVE.

FROM THE MOON PEOPLE, WITH THE RADIO WAVES

Actually, come to think of it, there are a few secret/exclusive societies at UBC, aren’t there? Here’s one I found:

does this count as community service, you guys?

Sina himself does a lot of shit-disturbing on his wall, calling the former exec “incompetent” and “dishonest,” and saying that EUS leaders are “ditching responsibility” (mostly in regards to budget transparency). Numbers (& more complex explanations than FALSE!!1!) are boring, but here are some rebuttals from people who don’t think so, and have actually held office:

There’s this note from former President Chris McCann (or, if you prefer, Chris McCAN’T HAR HAR HAR).

And THIS one from “Charizard” Pedram, who more than thoroughly details her credentials (and name-checks Dreamboat Sean Heisler &hearts).

this is actually her grad photo

And my dear friend Omid “Too Legit to Quit (the AMS) (EVER)” Javadi, in his epic 300-word meme-packed epic nerd elections breakdown, not only covered most of the incompetency concerns, but also ensured that no woman will ever find him attractive. [Ladies: do you like dance music, cleanliness, and teh internetz? do you find body hair the single greatest indicator of virility? tact: your nemesis, or just unnecessary social frippery? IF SO, DIAL 1-900-WOAHMID FOR A GOOD TIME]

Anyway, that’s three people (five, if you include the candidate and his supporters) with inside information raising legitimate concerns about the competency of this (apparent) slate. What’s next, Formerly-Put-Together EUS? Disendorsements? Dropouts?? THE END OF DAYS??!?!?!

THIS IS WHY I’M HOT

IN CONCLUSION: hey, Mining Engineer Alex MacKinnon, who may or may not still look like this:

rejected olympic mascot “neerdii” finds your views interesting, wishes to subscribe to your newsletter

I’ve never met you, and I tend to believe that miners are all a bunch of fratboy rock jockeys (WHAT UP, MINERS). But remember when you said “This is where I wish I could post that Picard facepalm picture”??!? Well, we tend to agree.

WHO LOVES YA B

EUS big keeners; we're not shocked.

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Constituency races are off, and, as usual, the Engineers have their act way, way together. As Sir Lougheed of SUS and his merry band of Elections Admins struggle to get elections (and, judging by the looks of it, their website OH SNAP) up and running, the Engineers have already submitted their candidate profiles.

Yea, V3rily

We’ll be the first to admit that we’re less than informed about the inner machinations of the EUS, nor are we particularly inclined to, uh, penetrate their inner recesses, shall we say. (Sexiest faculty = Arts, no question.) But even our ignorant eyes can identify a few key players in the upcoming EUS Elections Extravaganza—PLUS, a complete list of candidates—after the break.