Tag Archives: sean heisler

The 2011 Sparkle Surveys: Part 1

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For all other blogs, today’s endorsement day. For us, it’s make up your own damn mind day, otherwise known as our rad video endorsements ran out of batteries. we’re workin’ on it. In the meantime, sweet readers, set the lights to low and imagine we’re whispering in your ear.

‘Cause baby, let’s not deny this thing between us: You’re Kurt Hummel, and I’m that Blaine hottie from the super-tolerant boys’ school, and it’s cold outside. Join me for a heartwarming duet, and let’s snuggle up to these fiery candidates as we bring back, smoother than late-night jazz, the first of our Classic Confidential Surveys.

Filipino/Irish. CATHOLIC DREAMBOAAAAAAAT

Highlights from this edition: MOTHERFUCKING SEAN HEISLER brings it (again), Justin Yang tells us how he really feel about Issues That Matter, Arash Ehteshami really wants your love, and two (2) candidates open up about their Gossip Girl-themed nicknames. Plus, a kitty! Who says we never bring the real news?

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Aaaaand They’re Off!

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AMS Elections are set to begin Monday at 12:01am, but this little editor needs to get to bed and is posting a couple hours early. We’ve posted the candidates list, and surprise! Someone has already withdrawn.To see all the craziness happening next week, check out our events page. And hey, might as well vote for us to win some money in the future, too.

Meanwhile, enjoy the following snapshots from the All Candidates Meeting that took place on Friday. The biggest surprise to us? Ben “The Situation” Cappellacci throwing his hat into the ring for Board of Governors at last minute. If you’re interested, other blogs have more indepth or plagiarized rambly coverage, we’re too busy compiling results from our Sparkly Surveys 2011. Yes, that’s right, we’re bringing them back.

this time around, he's single and looking.

the ea is very protective of his branding.

the board of governors discussing the ever important issue of sustainability

future fan fiction?

People Who May or May Not Run

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AMS Elections are currently a shitshow, and they haven’t even started yet.

  1. Nominations close on Friday and there is no AMS Elections website. Maybe if they advertised we wouldn’t have three slates of people who are always involved?
  2. There is no schedule of events anywhere…debates? Beer garden? Anything?
  3. There are also no elections dates or campaigning dates posted anywhere except on the Facebook page, which ~50 people like and hasn’t been updated since November (same with Twitter).
  4. There is no VFM funding right now and elections are about to start!
  5. Oh, and NO ONE KNOWS WHAT VOTING SYSTEM WE ARE USING.

The Elections budget is approximately $50,000. Isn’t there a little referendum coming up that has to do with fiscal responsibility? We get that the EA is probably working on the new online voting system, but he has also hired four co-ordinators to help him, and it’s THREE DAYS before elections start.

Anyway, we are coping by giving you GOSSIP. Hot Gossip.

At the end of the day, candidates are supposed to be running individually and not as part of a slate (fancy way of saying political party). Except this year, there are Three Groups Who Are Not A Slate.

  1. The Frat Boys and Token Sorority Girl (Bijan’s picks to continue his legacy of UBC’s Got Talent)
  2. The Incumbents (the political hacks who think they can change the world with the AMS)
  3. The SJC/Knollies (the people who only care about the AMS when something pisses them off)

With that in mind, we give you the gossip!

The Frat Boys and Token Sorority Girl

President: Michael Moll is Alpha Delta Phi and part of the CUS, from Kenya, and shows up to AMS Council occasionally.

VP Academic: Matt Parson is Phi Delta Theta, the President of the Inter Fraternity Council at UBC (which EA Erik Mackinnon sits on), and is probably the hottest of all the candidates running. [Though some of our editors are on record as disagreeing.]

VP External: Katherine Tyson (isn’t technically in a sorority, she was too sick to rush this year) has been on AMS Council for a year and a half and is the Chair of UnECoRn, the committee that deals with things in the VPX’s portfolio. Was known this year for being rather antagonistic to Bijan—right until elections season rolled around. What gives, KT? We were way into your powerful woman schtick.

VP Finance: Arash Ehteshami is Kappa Sigma, the VP Internal of the AUS, and dating the President of SUS.

VP Administration: Mike Silley is Sigma Chi, has been on AMS Council for a long time, and is the Chair of BAFCOM, the committee that deals with AMS Businesses.

The Incumbents/Hacks

President: Jeremy McElroy is the current VP External, former AUS/RBF guy who hearts the AMS.

VP Academic: Justin Yang is the current VP Finance of AUS, former VP Finance of SUS, former Student Senator, and is the current AMS Tutoring co-ordinator.

VP External: Mitch Wright  is the current Associate VP External, former elections administrator, former AUS dude and all around hack.

VP Finance: Elin Tayyar is Beta Theta Pi, the current VP Finance, former SAC Vice-Chair, and last year’s hottest candidate.

VP Admin: A BLACK SHEEP. Er, dark horse?

The SJC/Knollies

They keep their Facebook profiles quite limited, unfortunately. Why do these people have no overly involved student profiles?! We’ll give you more details as we learn them.

President: Gord Katic is a kid we met off of Twitter who is a part of the SJC. He’s incredibly verbose. That’s all we know.

VP Academic: Omar Shaban is part of SPHR whose passion in life is “a secular Palestinian state where anybody regardless of his/her religion or race can live.” Awwwww!

VP External: Rory Breasail has been on AMS Council for nine months, and sits on the UnECoRn committee. He is also part of the SJC.

VP Finance: Arielle Friedman (also known as Care-ielle?!?) is part of the SJC, and a frequent contributor to The Knoll.

Other

There’s some random guy from RezLife at Totem who is also probably running for VP Finance, and a rumoured FIFTH candidate that we don’t know about.

Things to bitch about: We’ve only heard of ONE candidate for VP Admin, so if there’s any of you who like SUB/Clubs, you should run…the more the merrier! There’s also an extreme lack of women running, with only TWO femmes fatale garnering for your votes. Oh, and no joke candidates? Where is Princess Leia, Kommander Keg, the Invisible Man, or Water Fountain?

BoG: Sean Heisler (current BoAwesome), Andrew Carne (hacktastic engineer), Sean Cregten (current Associate VP Academic)

Senate: Thomas Brennan, Sean Cregten, AJ Hajir Hajian, <insert ten other random students here, five of whom will drop out within the first week>.

Nominations close on Friday!

Dear EA Will McEwan: We’re so sorry

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Oh, how times have changed.

Remember when we were all, “EUS have their shit together” and praised them up and down? PISH-TOSH.  Crack a beer, friends, and learn all about the shenanigans going on in the nerdotron faculty.

Julian Ritchie just disendorsed himself for EUS President, citing a wish to not split the vote.  If you’re American, this decision can be explained as an alternate universe in which Ralph Nader disendorsed himself in the 2000 Gore/Bush elections.  Of course, Julian Ritchie is a lot smarter than Ralph Nade oh hey, back to the coverage.  So why would Ritchie ask his supporters to reconsider their choice?  In other words, who’s Bush?

He’s still running, and can’t say for sure…

In unrelated news, “as everyone who looks at the elections website can see,” there’s an apparent Iranian/Persian slate running in the election [Ed. note: I didn’t say it, but someone Iranian did: “They can hold meetings in Farsi!”]  Sources say they handed in paperwork together, and only recently de-friended one another on Facebook (although if FB were an indicator of slates, the whole damn system would be screwed).  And you might notice while Facebook stalking that the supporter of one tends to be the supporter of all the others.  And you might also notice that they all seem to have the same campaign points, even when such points fall outside of the position they’re running for.  BUT IT’S TOTALLY NOT A SLATE, AND WE’RE NOT SAYING THAT.

So, aside from some platform glitches, what’s the problem?  After all, this isn’t the AMS’s first—or only—unofficial (apparent) slate.  What’s worrying insiders is the fact that all of these candidates, with no exception, appear to be hilariously incompetent.

they’re our corporate sponsor

OH MY GAWD EDITOR LADY i dont understand what would make you say that CLEARLY you know NOTHING AT ALL about elections RAWWWRRRRR on what evidence could you POSSIBLY base this HEINOUS ACCUSATION

Well, for one thing, there’s the clusterfuck of a wall on Presidential candidate Sina Sahami’s election event.  It’s 10 pages long now, and no doubt getting longer, so I’ll save you the trouble and say that it’s disheartening, not least of all because of the sort of crazymaking Sahami supporter who says things like this:

I heard people commenting that [Sina’s 50% participation goal] is far-fetched simply because even countries have not been able to do so. Yes that is true. However, I believe that the problem is the government bodies themselves; they DO NOT WANT MANY PEOPLE TO BE ACTIVE.

FROM THE MOON PEOPLE, WITH THE RADIO WAVES

Actually, come to think of it, there are a few secret/exclusive societies at UBC, aren’t there?  Here’s one I found:

does this count as community service, you guys?

Sina himself does a lot of shit-disturbing on his wall, calling the former exec “incompetent” and “dishonest,” and saying that EUS leaders are “ditching responsibility” (mostly in regards to budget transparency).  Numbers (& more complex explanations than FALSE!!1!) are boring, but here are some rebuttals from people who don’t think so, and have actually held office:

There’s this note from former President Chris McCann (or, if you prefer, Chris McCAN’T HAR HAR HAR).

And THIS one from “Charizard” Pedram, who more than thoroughly details her credentials (and name-checks Dreamboat Sean Heisler &hearts).

this is actually her grad photo

And my dear friend Omid “Too Legit to Quit (the AMS) (EVER)” Javadi, in his epic 300-word meme-packed epic nerd elections breakdown, not only covered most of the incompetency concerns, but also ensured that no woman will ever find him attractive.  [Ladies: do you like dance music, cleanliness, and teh internetz? do you find body hair the single greatest indicator of virility? tact: your nemesis, or just unnecessary social frippery? IF SO, DIAL 1-900-WOAHMID FOR A GOOD TIME]

Anyway, that’s three people (five, if you include the candidate and his supporters) with inside information raising legitimate concerns about the competency of this (apparent) slate.  What’s next, Formerly-Put-Together EUS? Disendorsements? Dropouts?? THE END OF DAYS??!?!?!

THIS IS WHY I’M HOT

IN CONCLUSION: hey, Mining Engineer Alex MacKinnon, who may or may not still look like this:

rejected olympic mascot “neerdii” finds your views interesting, wishes to subscribe to your newsletter

I’ve never met you, and I tend to believe that miners are all a bunch of fratboy rock jockeys (WHAT UP, MINERS). But remember when you said “This is where I wish I could post that Picard facepalm picture”??!?  Well, we tend to agree.

WHO LOVES YA B

Unobtanium Jello Wrestling!

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Well, the event you were all waiting for has come and gone. No, not The Presidential Debate hosted by Issues That Matter and The Media. Instead, The Unobtanium Jello Wrestling event. Held as a part of Science Week, it conveniently falls during elections and, as such, has become a joyous platform for candidates to campaign upon. In many cases, it is also the determining factor for many students yet to cast their ballot. While the non-hack and non-SUS crowd was meager at best, there were some epic battles.
For all you Noobs out there, the objective of jello wrestling is to remove the sock of your opponent in an inflatable bowl/pool of…green jello.  Needless to say, judicious use of tarps (and athletic garb) are involved.
After the cut, more of this:

god, we wish.

PLUS our exclusive live-action Sean v. Joel EngNerd Death Match—and how this year’s candidates compare to those of years gone by.

Sparkle Happy Endorsements 2010

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Is it that time of the year already?? Oh, how the initial campaign period has flown. They’ve impressed us on the fields! They’ve impressed us in the debates! They’ve left numerous messages in our inbox! But now it’s time to separate the cream from the chaff and give you our top picks (not entire Condorcet rankings, we’re not total wonks) for this year’s round of AMS Elections. Get ready, after the jump, for this year’s


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A Life Size Dreamboat!

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Well, today was a little more exciting. Hottie Ekat squared off against Michael in a rather dull debate of generic answers (apparently- this editor was running a little late). Do Me Now Duncan asked the candidates to show some personality, in which Ekat stood up and tried her hardest to garner enthusiasm from the crowd, whereas Michael just tried to re-emphasize his previous points. These candidates are quite different; Michael is studying political science/philosophy, put the words “Let’s Rock This Shit” on his posters, and was wearing plaid. Ekat is a Commerce student who wants to “Build a Better AMS” and was channelling her inner Blair Waldorf with a fabulous peacock headband. Hopefully tomorrow’s debates will allow us to tell the candidates apart a bit better and deem one a dreamboat.

Then came the Board of Governors debate. Guillaume was rocking a crisp suit, Azim was channelling his inner frat boy and Bijan with a pullover, Blake was wearing his classic camouflage (khaki green and khaki), and Sean Heisler was looking radiant in real life. Yes, Sean Heisler couldn’t be at the debate (he’s debating in Winnipeg) so he sent a LIFE SIZE CUT OUT OF HIMSELF along with a proxy. If that’s not sexy, we’re not sure what is. These editors are sswwwooonnning with love, especially after saying that “Defying Gravity” is his campaign theme song (Wicked! Glee! Love!!). Such a dreamboat.

The Board of Governor’s debate was definitely the most interesting, though this editor was still a little bored. Here are some interesting quotes, and we definitely recommend coming out to see the continuation: VP Admin, VP Finance, & Board of Governors Debate in the Norm Theatre, 12-130pm.

The notion that the relationship between the AMS and the University is somehow damaged is absolutely ridiculous.
-Blake Frederick

I violate my values on a daily basis. (crowd erupts in awkward laughter)
-Blake Frederick

I would like to see sprouts growing.
-Rodrigo Ferrari-Nunes on what he would like to see at UBC if he had a magic wand as VP Academic

We’d love to see some more personality from the candidates, so please, stop playing it safe.

Also! We received our first fan mail today! A former dreamboat and current candidate made us a UNICORN HORN. That’s adjustable. We’re currently accepting other kinds of love (ahem, endorsements hey?).

Our campaign guide: First Batch of Surveys

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Sunday evening, we sent out surveys to every candidate we could think of, and as of today we’ve received ten back. The love is… palpable? Based on this barely acceptable sample size, here are your aggregated commonalities for AMS electoral candidates:

Our editorial staff has no math majors.

Favorite Board Game: Settlers of Catan
Favorite Monty Python Member: John Cleese
Consensus on skinnydipping, naked high dive: Have done, would do again
Leno or Conan: They’re all with Coco
Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie: Angelina
UN Complaints: none yet
Flow chart results: Johannes/Mike Duncan even split

Funniest: Sean
Shortest: Joël
Nicest: Ekat
Most Apologetic: Alyssa (who was, we understand, sick)
Most Into It: Brittany

After the jump, selected highlights from all the surveys we’ve received so far.  Candidates are grouped according to their position.

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Aaaand they’re off.

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Day one after the announcement of candidates, and rumor has it

(and by ‘rumor’ I mean verifiable evidence plus the natural supposition that of course elections officials are in Panic Epic Work Mode at the moment)

that Chief Elections Officer & CEO of Our Hearts Isabel Ferreras has spent her morning off and on the phone to her staff.  Certainly we’ve already seen three—three!—BoG candidates drop out.  Goodbye, Peter Stein, AJ Hajir Hajian, and Nader Beyzaei—we hardly knew ye.

We’ve got the complete list for you after the break, but first, let’s take a little walk down quelle scandale potentiale lane, y’all.

The buzz at beer last night and brunch this morning was triplefold—quadruple if you count the cheap Gallery pitchers—but it boils down to this:

  1. Blake Frederick.  It’s been too easy lately to forget that our BF came into office as something of a golden boy, hailed by supporters and detractors alike both for his passionate commitment and political credentials.

    Happier times.  (Photo: Gerald Deo)

    And despite—or perhaps because of—the shitshow that’s marked his end of term, Frederick hasn’t given up the political life.  He’s thrown his hat into, in fact, three races—not only the usual Senate/BoG pairing, but also the Ubyssey’s Board of Directors.  This last is interesting considering that Frederick & our beloved campus publication are not what you’d call the best of friends.  There have been scathing editorials all round and a rather sudden crackdown on AMS communications policy getting in the way of good relations.  With all that history, one wonders what the Ubyssey Board could look like at this time next year—assuming, of course, that Frederick doesn’t disqualify himself by winning another race.

  2. The positions of interest. Although it’s not unusual to see BoG, Senate, and VP External attract a few more competitors than other positions, this year’s International Student Rep hopefuls are almost frighteningly numerous.  You guys know this position is non-voting, right?  (And Star, you know you submitted all materials without a last name, right? you do know? and it’s a thing? oh. cool.)  It’s also heartening to see two relative unknowns rounding out the Presidential nominees, although it makes hunting for pictures a heckuva lot harder.  Don’t even ask me about typing the tags up for this post.  RIDICULOUS.

    YOU SEE HOW I SUFFER FOR YOU

  3. The Elections Committee’s (presumed) accountability screed. One of the new features this year will be a PENALTY BOX on the Elections official website.  Isabel Ferreras is a formidable woman, as seen here:

    cower, puny candidates!! leg-biting will be penalized!

    and we have no doubt that she won’t hesitate to use this box, which purpose is to daily—publicly!—keep the voting public very aware of any and all “warnings, violations, infractions and penalties.” It’s a move we here at Fuzzy Kitten Unicorn Scandal are looking forward to a little too much, frankly.

BUT WHO ELSE is out there? here are the people we’ll be stalking bothering in the name of Fair Game Media Coverage for the next month:

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