Tag Archives: mike duncan

15 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Vote in the AMS Referendum

Have you ever dated someone who is passive aggressive? It’s pretty much the most annoying thing in the world, and almost impossible to change. Kind of like the 92% of students who haven’t yet voted in the AMS Referendum. At first I was quite annoyed because the Referendum committee is sucking balls (last referendum ~23K students voted), but then I decided to just be passive aggressive like all the other students who haven’t voted yet. So, here’s why you shouldn’t vote:

#1 Democracy is a failure, at least, that’s what I’ve learned by reading Plato and shit. Also, something about a cave.

#2 I don’t drink alcohol, therefore I never get to enjoy $9.50 pitchers on campus.

#3 I’m celibate, so I never have to go to the Pit on Wednesdays to try and get laid. I also never use the AMS health plan to cover my birth control pills. Or cold medicine. Or antibiotics.

#4 My parents pay my tuition, so I don’t care if there’s a student society to lobby to the government about student loans, student aid, and shit like that.

#5 I’m graduating soon, so I don’t care about the $108 million brand new awesome SUB that is going to be built.

#6 All the VFM blogs are stupid, and I don’t like unicorns, therefore I don’t care if unicorn hack blogs exist.

some people draw devil horns on their exes, we think unicorn horns are cuter.

#7 I don’t like cheap but good food on campus, and I especially hate blue chip cookies.

okay, these look seriously so awesome.

#8 I never use the cheap Whistler Lodge. Whistler is stupid.

#9 I’m super smart so I don’t use the services, like free tutoring.

#10 Nobody reads The Ubyssey.

#11 I never get sick, so I never use the AMS health plan for prescriptions. I have perfect eyesight and teeth, too.

#12 I have no friends, so I’m not a member of any clubs that would benefit from a Club Benefits Fund.

#13 I hate getting drunk at outdoor concerts like Block Party and Welcome Back BBQ (and thus have never made out with Mike Duncan)

#14 I hate the earth. Screw a sustainability fee, worms are stupid.

#15 I never use my mother fucking U-Pass.

Oh, plus: I will never be sexually assaulted, and none of my friends will. Because I can totally control that, so there’s no need for me to consult with the Sexual Assault Support Centre.

Yeah, so, there’s probably at least one reason why you should vote for the “$5” increase. I’m going to go drink cheap beer now.

For more information on the referendum, check out our page here.

Your Complete Guide to The AMS

3 Replies

new to ubc? here’s what you missed…

PREVIOUSLY on AMS CONFIDENTIAL:

The AMS stands for your Alma Mater Society. The name doesn’t make sense, but it was formed to be your student society; you pay them fees and in return they keep the university from doing whatever it wants. Plus, parties and stuff!

anyway.

MIKE used to be Alma Mater Society President and he poledanced a lot

there’s like a million of these on facebook.

but then he turned things over to BLAKE

guido guido guido (photo c/o gerald deo)

go o~on….

Continue reading →

Way to go, UBC <3

1 Reply

The polls are now closed! While the fun part isn’t here yet (Gallery, 6pm, Results!) we are sure breathing a sigh of relief.

AMS Confidential is so proud of all you hacks practicing safe sex campaigning so hard and barely violating any rules! Way to play nice. While there certainly wasn’t enormous scandal, we enjoyed making you all glittery.

These editors are also proud of our kickass Elections Guru who played it calm, tweeted up a storm, and threw a solid bzzr garden (on a Sunday night, no less). HOWEVER, last we heard the voter turnout was at 6923, which is 15% !!! (Update: we just did the math! Thanks Do Me Now Duncan) We surpassed last years turnout going against a predicted voter apathy. UN-what?

Way to go, Elections Guru. For this, we deem you a sexy as hell dreamboat <3 Also, loads of love to The Boyfriend (aka Chief Returning Officer), Mark, and Will from VFM!!

Gerald Deo Photo

Unobtanium Jello Wrestling!

1 Reply

Well, the event you were all waiting for has come and gone. No, not The Presidential Debate hosted by Issues That Matter and The Media. Instead, The Unobtanium Jello Wrestling event. Held as a part of Science Week, it conveniently falls during elections and, as such, has become a joyous platform for candidates to campaign upon. In many cases, it is also the determining factor for many students yet to cast their ballot. While the non-hack and non-SUS crowd was meager at best, there were some epic battles.

For all you Noobs out there, the objective of jello wrestling is to remove the sock of your opponent in an inflatable bowl/pool of…green jello. Needless to say, judicious use of tarps (and athletic garb) are involved.

After the cut, more of this:

god, we wish.

PLUS our exclusive live-action Sean v. Joel EngNerd Death Match—and how this year’s candidates compare to those of years gone by.

Continue reading →

A Life Size Dreamboat!

Not So Sexy Senators

2 Replies

Well, the debate came and went. It was incredibly boring, with the highlight being a member of Issues That Matter attempting to take self photography. We’re trying to make this post more exciting by adding SPARKLY GLITTER. Questions from the audience were definitely the sexiest, with Issues That Matter, “Do Me Now” Duncan, Comrade Costeloe, and Chairman Naylor challenging the Senators.

Only 7 of the 12 candidates showed up. Notably missing was His Excellency Blake Frederick, along with Aminollahi, Miriam, Blair, and Alyssa (who participated via Liveblog). No senators wowed us with any personality and seemed to deviate from questions with generic answers or passing the buck to the BoG. Also, most didn’t know how often the Senate met, when the next meeting was, or what was on the agenda.

Along with debate fail, there was also fashion fails.If you insist on wearing the pinstripe button down, please make sure it fits you properly and is ironed. AJ looked suave with his square cut glasses and facial hair- definitely hacktastic. Honourable mention to Nader for rocking a scarf and v-neck for that “I’m super sexy” swoon. Johannes, we’re requesting you glam it up with a magenta tie to match your posters next time.

Surprise, surprise, Johannes won the poll with 50% of the votes for Sexiest Potential Senator. Thanks for voting, and please come out to the debates tomorrow…AMS President, VP External, and VP Finance Debate 12-1:30pm in the Norm Theatre.

We love votes as much as we love you. So send us some sexy love votes.

Red Hot News Media

3 Replies

Slow news weekend? Nonsense. Here at AMS Confidential, we’ve uncovered a bushel bask of RED HOT TIPS for your perusal. We’re totally like Gillian Anderson as Agent Scully: hot stuff, hot on the case. Except, you know, there’s two of us. And we’re pretty sure K is Agent Mulder.

It’s important to note before we reveal this information that we’re aware some of it is pretty hush-hush. We thought long and hard before letting this out into the open, well aware that we were running a risk in revealing this to the public too soon. Some of you may not be able to handle the level of scandal we’re about to reveal—for those with weak hearts, we advise taking it in small doses, perhaps by covering part of your monitor with a piece of paper and slowly sliding it down to reveal wee, bite-sized pieces of dirty linen.

IT JUST WON'T DIE (Gerald Deo photo)

Tim Chu’s commitment to his mandate is impeccable: he’s got, like, two whole referenda! Referenda he’d kind of pledged to do anyway! He wants the AMS to “actively lobby” for less tuition and more government funding—because currently, they think it’s totally okay for those things to happen! or something like that wherein tuition fees rise as the value of the dollar drops, so you’re not actually paying any more real dollars! but the number is bigger! it’s important! Also, disabilities.

Mike Duncan is Natalie Swift’s advisor! Sasa Pudar (UBC Spectator) is running Jeremy McElroy’s campaign! Running a campaign does not constitute a conflict of interest! (We think.)

While we’re at it, the following people are rumoured to have potentially conflicting relationships:

Bijan Ahmadian & Ben Cappellacci
Jeremy McElroy & the Entire Goddamn Ubyssey
Me & Your Mom
Johannes Rebane & Stas Pavlov

He also loves babies, waxing.

Joke candidates past and present, take note, we are calling you out: Jeremy McElroy is Kommander Keg! Geoff Costeloe is the Comrade! And—OMG—hottie Student At Large Nick Fitzgerald is the Invisible Man. Or, at least, his translator.

Blake Frederick & Bijan = NOT BFFs

The Entire Ubyssey Board of Directors = in the same frat. Except for Blake.

And, in case you didn’t know—Johannes Rebane is really, really mean. Really, really, reallllllly mean.

caption contest in the comments, yo

Got any more breaking news for us? Leave it in the comments! I’m gonna go drink.

…or, rather: I’m gonna go drink!!1!!1!

(Editor’s Note: Issues That Matter is concerned about our journalistic integrity. Of which we obviously have shit tonnes of. We don’t kiss and tell, but we do like to drink beer after council meetings. In case you wanted to know, as we know you are so concerned with our unbias)

Who is YOUR Prince Charming?

1 Reply

If you’re sitting in AMS Council and getting a little bored, a little horny noticing all the beautiful faces around you and slipping into lalaland, have no fear! We are here to help you solve the burning desires of your heart and your loins.

So, who is YOUR Prince Charming? Click this flow chart to find out who you are meant to be with <3 <3 <3

Timkachu– If you like to take charge and love all things left or orange and need a sidekick in life, he is the man for you. Maybe you can take advantage of all his sweet awesome lobbying skills and do it in a Translink bus?

Blake– The next maverick and saviour of all things oppressed, he’s a real take charge kind of guy. Beware, he may have a sexy fling with an expensive lawyer lover on the side.

Geoff- The next conservative minority Great Prime Minister needs a lady by his side who can be quiet, dress well, and say something intelligent when asked. If you are going to UBC and getting a BA and never really plan on using it, Geoff is your guy. Be prepared for a life in the spotlight and lots of petting. Kittens, that is.

Tom- Pretty much the perfect combination of class mixed with nerdiness, this finance lover will keep you secure, satisfied, and leading a generally happy life. What isn’t to love about those baby blues? If you are a woman who is going to law school and intends on having an awesome career, Tom will be the perfect trophy husband.

Jeremy- This DJ will keep you and your beats rocking until the early dawn. Rumoured to be the best kisser on Council, his boisterous personality is the perfect match to your popularity and overall Carrie sex appeal. Who knows, he might even turn out to be your Mr. Big 😉

Johannes- The most beautiful of them all, Johannes is the brainy yet dreamy man for you, the epitome of a Prince Charming. Plus, his electric violin musicality will have you wanting more more more. For all you Charlotte-types out there, Johannes is the pretty-boy fantasy for your white picket fences. We recommend spooning. In fact, we always recommend spooning.

Mike Duncan- So fabulous he has two names, this photo says it all. Let out the sexual animal in you by going cowgirl…wait, is that a fist I see? If you are so badass that you don’t need a man for money/security/happiness and just want some love and lovemaking, Mike is your Prince. Plus, according to his Facebook, he wants to be a stay-at-home dad.

Like your result? Leave it for us in the comments & let everyone know who your dream AMS lovah is.