Tag Archives: ubc insiders

Return of the Jedi

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Allow me to re-introduce myself, says Spencer Keys as he snuggles up to the limited female hacks who still read UBC Insiders. 

gerald deo photo

Spencer Keys was the 96th President of the Alma Mater Society and the first insufferable prat to start saying which number he was. He spent his time afterwards working for provincial and national student associations and working as a consulting lobbyist in Ottawa.

What Spencer fails to mention, is that he is in fact a minute celebrity of the reality star fame. He starred in a documentary entitled College Days, College Nights that threw some UBC students in a house together and chronicled their lives. Yes, this really happened.

In the documentary, Spencer loses an election for VP External, goes on to ban slates (HE IS THE MAN SORT OF RESPONSIBLE* FOR LAST YEAR! DO YOU GET THE CONNECTION NOW???), and then becomes President of the AMS. All under the glory of cameras. [Editor’s Note: This is honestly my dream. If any film producers are reading this, my life is very entertaining]

So, Spencer was kind of a big deal. And after doing real world things, he’s come back to UBC under “unfortunate circumstances.” You should read his article, because the lack of campaigning is seriously so embarrassing.

And because you’re probably wondering when we’re going to go all alliterative on you, yes, Spencer is Sexy. But not just because he’s a tall ginger who dubs himself a gentlemen and wears dashing, waspy attire. No, Spencer is sexy because he tweets about both football and politics. He wants to be a lawyer [Editor’s Note: KAI GOT INTO UBC LAW SCHOOL BY THE WAY] and he actually somewhat cares about student engagement without being a hack who gets off by masturbating to their own accomplishments, which is rare. He can definitely lobby his way into our loins hearts any day.

*actually not responsible for people making fake websites or slate conundrums, at all.

 

15 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Vote in the AMS Referendum

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Have you ever dated someone who is passive aggressive? It’s pretty much the most annoying thing in the world, and almost impossible to change. Kind of like the 92% of students who haven’t  yet voted in the AMS Referendum. At first I was quite annoyed because the Referendum committee is sucking balls (last referendum ~23K students voted), but then I decided to just be passive aggressive like all the other students who haven’t voted yet. So, here’s why you shouldn’t vote:
#1 Democracy is a failure, at least, that’s what I’ve learned by reading Plato and shit. Also, something about a cave.

#2 I don’t drink alcohol, therefore I never get to enjoy $9.50 pitchers on campus.

#3 I’m celibate, so I never have to go to the Pit on Wednesdays to try and get laid. I also never use the AMS health plan to cover my birth control pills. Or cold medicine. Or antibiotics.

#4 My parents pay my tuition, so I don’t care if there’s a student society to lobby to the government about student loans, student aid, and shit like that.

#5 I’m graduating soon, so I don’t care about the $108 million brand new awesome SUB that is going to be built.


#6 All the VFM blogs are stupid, and I don’t like unicorns, therefore I don’t care if unicorn hack blogs exist.

some people draw devil horns on their exes, we think unicorn horns are cuter.

#7 I don’t like cheap but good food on campus, and I especially hate blue chip cookies.

okay, these look seriously so awesome.

#8 I never use the cheap Whistler Lodge. Whistler is stupid.

#9 I’m super smart so I don’t use the services, like free tutoring.

#10 Nobody reads The Ubyssey.

#11 I never get sick, so I never use the AMS health plan for prescriptions. I have perfect eyesight and teeth, too.

#12 I have no friends, so I’m not a member of any clubs that would benefit from a Club Benefits Fund.

#13 I hate getting drunk at outdoor concerts like Block Party and Welcome Back BBQ (and thus have never made out with Mike Duncan)

gerald deo photo

#14 I hate the earth. Screw a sustainability fee, worms are stupid.

#15 I never use my mother fucking U-Pass.

Oh, plus: I will never be sexually assaulted, and none of my friends will. Because I can totally control that, so there’s no need for me to consult with the Sexual Assault Support Centre.

Yeah, so, there’s probably at least one reason why you should vote for the “$5” increase. I’m going to go drink cheap beer now.

For more information on the referendum, check out our page here.

Your Complete Guide to The AMS

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new to ubc? here’s what you missed…

PREVIOUSLY on AMS CONFIDENTIAL:

The AMS stands for your Alma Mater Society. The name doesn’t make sense, but it was formed to be your student society; you pay them fees and in return they keep the university from doing whatever it wants. Plus, parties and stuff!

anyway.

MIKE used to be Alma Mater Society President and he poledanced a lot

there’s like a million of these on facebook.

but then he turned things over to BLAKE

guido guido guido (photo c/o gerald deo)

go o~on….

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A Procrastination Post! Your April News for N00bs

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Confidential is back, Koerner’s isn’t, and surprise, surprise the AUS is a shit show once again.

Brian vs Ryan vs Student “Court” vs Naylor vs OMG Enough Already

So the AUS is a goddamn nightmare. It all started with this document that makes no fucking sense and hurts our cute little headband decorated brains. As a fellow sexy blogger once said, “most of it is irrelevant shit amounting to intellectual masturbation.”

So, n00bs: Naylor was the AUS Elections Administrator and isn’t a fan of Student “Court” as referenced by “the rising scourge of kritarchy.” Student “Court” dislikes Naylor because…we’re not quite sure. Let the battles commence.

In the AUS Presidential election, Brian beat Ryan by one vote. Ryan filed an appeal to the SC over a single ballot that he thinks was ambiguous and should therefore be spoiled, meaning it wasn’t a tie, meaning Naylor’s tiebreaking vote wouldn’t count, and meaning that Ryan would be EL PRESIDENTE.

However, SC went all power thirsty like the Volturi and began to “investigate” the situation. They ramble about the background of the election, how paper ballots got fucked up, how the results apparently caught on fire, and concluded that in the end there was STILL A GODDAMN TIE (seriously, we’re not making this up).

However, what is really alarming (think black iris thirsty alarming) is how they then deem the election VOID AND OF NO EFFECT. SC was simply asked by Ryan to “rule” on the validity of a certain ballot. Instead, SC found that the way the AUS elections were run was in violation of AMS code because they lacked appeals procedures (yes, we actually looked up the code). They also made this ruling without looking at the AUS 2010 General Election Regulations which includes the appeals procedures.

Whatever, its now all a moot point because Brian resigned in a professional letter to AUS Council in which he signs it “peace out, dawgs.” Be still, our gangsta meme hearts.

More sparkles and #procrastireading after the jump!

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Voter Funded Building?

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Henry Angus must be rolling in his grave. If you aren’t in Commerce, you probably haven’t heard of this referendum/Sauder/Henry Angus/my building/millions of dollars thing that’s been happening. Yeah, we don’t really give a fuck either.

we couldn't ignore that Dean Dan looks a bit like Putin...plus we threw in a political/sexy/economics joke #FTW

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The Life & Times of AMS Gossip Guy

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UPDATE: We just chatted online with GG, and he says that he has been the original all along, and used his Kiwi friend’s name for the VFM form, to cash any cheques. Sneaky sneaky, that one.

Last year on your AMS Elections ballot, you could have voted for AMS Gossip Guy.

This year, he faded into oblivion without any clandestine affairs, tweets, or posts; save for a random one come the UN invasion. Why did Gossip Guy leave us hanging without any scintillating material?

Because, our dear friends, he had left the country.

We wish that it was some hot steamy affair with an executive (insert the need for Fan Fiction here), or even a fellow AMS alias (Eden Hart, anyone?), but alas, we haven’t uncovered any truth to these ponderings.

We have, however, uncovered something else.

HIS IDENTITY.

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The Sexy Referendum

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We’re trying to make this as simple as possible for you normal, less hacktastic folk out there. We’re not lovers of code either, so bear with us.

When you vote online between January 25-29 (here is how to vote and what to expect), besides choosing candidates (here are our endorsements) you will get to vote YES or NO to 9 questions. We’ll present the questions to you now, with full analysis after the jump.

[Editor’s note: On your ballot, these referenda will be in a different order. We apologize for the confusion.]

1) Do you support the removal of Blake Frederick from the office of President?

2) Do you support the removal of Tim Chu from the office of VP External Affairs?

3) Do you support the AMS establishing a $5.00 refundable Engagement Levy to help improve student engagement by encouraging voter turnout and funding engagement related projects?

4) Do you support indexing the fees of the AMS to the Canadian Core Consumer Price Index?

5) Do you support the amendment of the AMS Bylaws as presented, for the purposes of enabling Student Council to remove an individual from a position as an officer of Council, and other amendments as outlined?

6) Do you support an increase in student fees beginning September 2010 of $1 per part-time student and $2 per full-time student per semester to be directed to the Access UBC Association of Disabled Students for the purpose of increasing accessibility, participation and inclusion for all people with disabilities on campus and in society?

7) Do you support the amendment of the AMS Bylaws as presented, based on the recommendations of a consultant hired to review the operations of Student Court and of a special AMS joint committee, for the purpose of revising the rules concerning Student Court?

8 ) Should the AMS create a voting seat on AMS Council for students with disabilities by amending Bylaw 5.2(a)?

9) Should the AMS actively lobby for reduced tuition fees and increased government funding?

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Not So Sexy Senators

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Well, the debate came and went. It was incredibly boring, with the highlight being a member of Issues That Matter attempting to take self photography. We’re trying to make this post more exciting by adding SPARKLY GLITTER. Questions from the audience were definitely the sexiest, with Issues That Matter, “Do Me Now” Duncan, Comrade Costeloe, and Chairman Naylor challenging the Senators.
Only 7 of the 12 candidates showed up. Notably missing was His Excellency Blake Frederick, along with Aminollahi, Miriam, Blair, and Alyssa (who participated via Liveblog). No senators wowed us with any personality and seemed to deviate from questions with generic answers or passing the buck to the BoG. Also, most didn’t know how often the Senate met, when the next meeting was, or what was on the agenda.
Along with debate fail, there was also fashion fails.If you insist on wearing the pinstripe button down, please make sure it fits you properly and is ironed. AJ looked suave with his square cut glasses and facial hair- definitely hacktastic. Honourable mention to Nader for rocking a scarf and v-neck for that “I’m super sexy” swoon. Johannes, we’re requesting you glam it up with a magenta tie to match your posters next time.
Surprise, surprise, Johannes won the poll with 50% of the votes for Sexiest Potential Senator. Thanks for voting, and please come out to the debates tomorrow…AMS President, VP External, and VP Finance Debate 12-1:30pm in the Norm Theatre.
We love votes as much as we love you. So send us some sexy love votes.

scan-da-lous!

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All I was trying to do is to question the instinct to characterize almost anything that happens in relation to elections as “hot”, [BREAKING] news without any verification or reflection.
-Issues That Matter

On a relatively slow media day yesterday – as in, no Bijan ballerina videos – it seems that other VFM outlets and The Media are  creating some drahmaz almost as sexy as Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls. If you’re the type who fancies a classy lay like ourselves, you can always vote for us. Here’s a quick breakdown of yesterday’s stir. Warning: clicking the links may cause you to transport back in time to high school.


Elections Guru vs The Editors

Miss Elections Guru and The Editors over at The Media have been in a bit of an awkward turtle. The Ubyssey wrote an adorable editorial about the Elections Guru, in which she then responded with a professional slap back. BOOYAH, bitches.

Chairman Naylor vs The Boyfriend

Our beloved Chairman Naylor (bowing on bended knee as I type) wrote epic Naylorisms about electoral code and blah blah blah. Then, he apparently had a comment glitch, in which The Boyfriend of Elections Guru posted a long meandering rebuttal. Since comments were not working, he made a Facebook note and tagged various hacks and The Media to get his sexy point across and swoon his beloved lady. Chairman Naylor then responded again. Meow.

Issues That Matter vs Emails That Matter vs Foxy Trout

A Mr. Callow emailed Emails That Matter, Foxy Trout, and the Sex Goddesses about a “hot tip” which was published here and here (we’re lovers of abstinence, personally). The following catfight occurred:

Issues That Matter: Bitches, we heard that long ago.
Kommander Keg: OH SNAP, biatch!
Probable editor of Emails That Matter under a secret name: Good job.
Foxy Trout: Issues That Matter, get your nose out of your ass. You’re just jealous we got the tip, you didn’t report it yo.
Issues That Matter: Here is a long list of things proving that I am correct. You yourself even reported this accidentally. Emails aren’t important, Issues are what really Matters. And Foxy Trout, it is on our page. #journalisticwin

And there you have it kids. Stay tuned for when the CANDIDATES start making waves, sheesh. We’re hoping for a John Edwards mixed with Jamie Lynn scenario, personally.