Tag Archives: neal yonson

Poster Fun! Redefining a Hot Mess

We know y’all just lovvvvvvve our poster critiques analyses. This year, if you haven’t noticed yet, we’re giving you short, snappy posts multiple times a day. Or at least, we’re trying to. So Carven Li, come on dowwwwwn!

How did THIS hot dish of amazing…

…make THIS hot mess of a poster?

seriously, we did not photoshop this.

The good: there’s Chinese or something on poster! Diversity!!! [Editor’s note: I am not the editor who studied Asian Studies, I apologize]. And nothing says school spirit like the Blue & Gold colours. Plus his face is just so totally adorable!

The bad: How many types of fonts and sizes can you throw on one poster? And alignments?!

The ugly: I’m fairly certain that we all stopped doing the WordArt thing where you outline your letters with another colour when we were 7 and magenta started blinding all of our class projects. Just saying.

BONUS: Someone on Twitter wanted us to be less like a tabloid. Since we heart feedback, here’s a quick analysis of some text:

Lower athletics fees ~ So this was an issue in 2008, when two guys managed to save us hundreds of thousands of dollars in fees. [Editor’s note: I should know, I’ve slept with them both]

The mandatory fee for each student dropped by about $3-4. The user fee freeze was for 3 years, thus I am assuming it will come up for negotiation again this year? Not too sure.

The exact amount of fees saved per student depends on how much you actually participate in athletics. Yes, dodgeball counts. So if you’re in a league, you would have saved $5-10 each.

BUT ~ the Birdcoop used to be, like, hella expensive, and the AMS ended up saving students $225 a year EACH in Birdcoop fees. That is massive.

So basically, I personally don’t think this platform point deserves a spot on this poster when there are more important things for a VP Academic to worry about ~ like Gage South and governance, for example.

TayLo, out.*

*people also wanted us to have bylines, but our god damn site won’t let us, so there. See, we do listen.

15 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Vote in the AMS Referendum

Have you ever dated someone who is passive aggressive? It’s pretty much the most annoying thing in the world, and almost impossible to change. Kind of like the 92% of students who haven’t  yet voted in the AMS Referendum. At first I was quite annoyed because the Referendum committee is sucking balls (last referendum ~23K students voted), but then I decided to just be passive aggressive like all the other students who haven’t voted yet. So, here’s why you shouldn’t vote:
#1 Democracy is a failure, at least, that’s what I’ve learned by reading Plato and shit. Also, something about a cave.

#2 I don’t drink alcohol, therefore I never get to enjoy $9.50 pitchers on campus.

#3 I’m celibate, so I never have to go to the Pit on Wednesdays to try and get laid. I also never use the AMS health plan to cover my birth control pills. Or cold medicine. Or antibiotics.

#4 My parents pay my tuition, so I don’t care if there’s a student society to lobby to the government about student loans, student aid, and shit like that.

#5 I’m graduating soon, so I don’t care about the $108 million brand new awesome SUB that is going to be built.


#6 All the VFM blogs are stupid, and I don’t like unicorns, therefore I don’t care if unicorn hack blogs exist.

some people draw devil horns on their exes, we think unicorn horns are cuter.

#7 I don’t like cheap but good food on campus, and I especially hate blue chip cookies.

okay, these look seriously so awesome.

#8 I never use the cheap Whistler Lodge. Whistler is stupid.

#9 I’m super smart so I don’t use the services, like free tutoring.

#10 Nobody reads The Ubyssey.

#11 I never get sick, so I never use the AMS health plan for prescriptions. I have perfect eyesight and teeth, too.

#12 I have no friends, so I’m not a member of any clubs that would benefit from a Club Benefits Fund.

#13 I hate getting drunk at outdoor concerts like Block Party and Welcome Back BBQ (and thus have never made out with Mike Duncan)

gerald deo photo

#14 I hate the earth. Screw a sustainability fee, worms are stupid.

#15 I never use my mother fucking U-Pass.

Oh, plus: I will never be sexually assaulted, and none of my friends will. Because I can totally control that, so there’s no need for me to consult with the Sexual Assault Support Centre.

Yeah, so, there’s probably at least one reason why you should vote for the “$5” increase. I’m going to go drink cheap beer now.

For more information on the referendum, check out our page here.

Sparkle Endorsements 2011

So, apparently the cool thing to do is make videos. We present, THE WORST ENDORSEMENT VIDEO OF THEM ALL. It is cheesy, fantastic, and pink, just like our little cute selves. Enjoy.

YouTube Preview Image

Special thanks to Ekat, Ben Cappellacci, Kathy Yan Li, Sean Heisler, and Luca Chitayat.

Oh, also in recent news, Taylor is single and free of any conflicts of interest.

Mascot Madness: The Quickening

In Part One of our Mascot Madness series, we—

that is to say, KAI & TAYLOR of Confidential, TREVOR (Features) and JUSTIN (Coordinating) of the Ubyssey, and NEAL of Insiders—

laid out the CUS’s nefarious plan to make their faculty seem cute and cuddly by designing a new mascot. Naturally, we had some things to say about the submitted designs: namely, that they’re all unrepentant, derivative hogwash. SERIOUSLY YOU TRACED A DISNEY LLAMA WTF

After the jump, we’ll be taking on six more submissions—three of which are men in  suits! Way to buck the trend, guys.

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Mascot Madness

Oh. Dear. God.

Sauder, according to its own press, has “reached a point where we take ourselves way too seriously. We’re students! In university!!”  So what have these unheard-of levels of self-awareness prompted—a mandatory soul-searching elective? New courses on ethical business practices? Zen meditation?

Hmm, no. Doesn’t sound like the faculty. How about a $6000 mascot competition? Sauder students have pitted their own semi-artistic overachievers against one another, voting on submitted designs. The winning design will actually get made, and presumably some kid with hidden art skills will achieve the two holy grails of Commerce: winning, and cash money.

Hence our first feature was born, Mascot Madness. The following three posts (Saturday! Sunday! Monday! A LONG WEEKEND OF HILARITY) are a collaboration between Trevor Record (Features) and Justin McElroy (Coordinating) of The Ubyssey, Kai Green and Taylor Loren of AMS Confidential, and Neal Yonson of UBC Insiders. It’s long, but we promise it’s not tedious. If you’re actually in commerce, voting ends on Monday. Spread unicorn love accordingly.

Warning: The opinions contained after the jump may reflect some disillusionment or refer to negative stereotypes of Sauder students. Rest assured, we’re not all bitter Artisies, suffering away only to graduate into the worst job market in umpteen-hundred years. Some of us are in Science too.

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Your Sporadic Dose of News for Noobs

Long time no post! We won more moniez, Taylor is back (with less memes and more sparkles), people are storming some goddamn wall on campus, Gossip Girl aired, and it’s almost summer. Here’s a rundown of what is happening/a bunch of rumours in the sextacular AMS.

Secrets, secrets are no fun…

AMS Council had some super secret location discussing some super secret things where the sexy media isn’t allowed. We speculate that half of the meeting will be spent discussing strategies on how to become as popular in the UBC world as Justin Bieber & Perez Hilton are in the real world.

yes, taylor’s back… (her idols at perez’s birthday a few days ago)

After the jump we have some sexy Toope, the no alcohol at Koerner’s shit, and a clusterfuck of AMS rumours…

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scan-da-lous!

All I was trying to do is to question the instinct to characterize almost anything that happens in relation to elections as “hot”, [BREAKING] news without any verification or reflection.
-Issues That Matter

On a relatively slow media day yesterday – as in, no Bijan ballerina videos – it seems that other VFM outlets and The Media are  creating some drahmaz almost as sexy as Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls. If you’re the type who fancies a classy lay like ourselves, you can always vote for us. Here’s a quick breakdown of yesterday’s stir. Warning: clicking the links may cause you to transport back in time to high school.


Elections Guru vs The Editors

Miss Elections Guru and The Editors over at The Media have been in a bit of an awkward turtle. The Ubyssey wrote an adorable editorial about the Elections Guru, in which she then responded with a professional slap back. BOOYAH, bitches.

Chairman Naylor vs The Boyfriend

Our beloved Chairman Naylor (bowing on bended knee as I type) wrote epic Naylorisms about electoral code and blah blah blah. Then, he apparently had a comment glitch, in which The Boyfriend of Elections Guru posted a long meandering rebuttal. Since comments were not working, he made a Facebook note and tagged various hacks and The Media to get his sexy point across and swoon his beloved lady. Chairman Naylor then responded again. Meow.

Issues That Matter vs Emails That Matter vs Foxy Trout

A Mr. Callow emailed Emails That Matter, Foxy Trout, and the Sex Goddesses about a “hot tip” which was published here and here (we’re lovers of abstinence, personally). The following catfight occurred:

Issues That Matter: Bitches, we heard that long ago.
Kommander Keg: OH SNAP, biatch!
Probable editor of Emails That Matter under a secret name: Good job.
Foxy Trout: Issues That Matter, get your nose out of your ass. You’re just jealous we got the tip, you didn’t report it yo.
Issues That Matter: Here is a long list of things proving that I am correct. You yourself even reported this accidentally. Emails aren’t important, Issues are what really Matters. And Foxy Trout, it is on our page. #journalisticwin

And there you have it kids. Stay tuned for when the CANDIDATES start making waves, sheesh. We’re hoping for a John Edwards mixed with Jamie Lynn scenario, personally.