Tag Archives: bijan ahmadian

The First Annual Flamingos

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Awards season appears to be over with the climax of The Oscars…or is it? Full disclosure, I was too busy watching the Justin Bieber movie instead of the Academy Awards, so I don’t really know what kind of competition we’re up against here. Anyway, here’s AMS Confidential’s take on the last years entertainment in council chambers. We give you…The Flamingos.

[image redacted to protect people doing better things with their lives now]

Brittany Perna was elected as the International Students Rep, and at her first meeting the AMS decided to axe the position altogether for next year’s elections. BritBrit still could have retained her seat for the whole year, lobbying for the international kids and all, but chose to skip all the council meetings instead.

Elin Tayyar never failed to make us swoon with his hipster style every meeting. Just look at this photo, it’s like pixel sex. And seriously, who else do you know who can rock PLAID pants?

Bijan Ahmadian doesn’t win a flamingo, but hey, this is us being nice to him. We could have said a lot of other things, but we just really don’t like this shirt. Or his fur lined jackets. Or his cuffed jeans, etc.

Amanda Li is fierce. Not only is she super hot, she’s also an engineer. Besides having to put up with guys all the time and a severe lack of ladies, she is also President of the EUS and can probably outdrink every other non-engineer guy on council. Who wouldn’t tap that?

Michael Haack wasn’t elected as VP Admin, but unlike every other person who doesn’t get elected, he decided to run in the AUS Elections for AMS Rep. Since then, Michael has gotten involved in a lot of committees and has grown from being somewhat knollie to being a good leader-of-the-opposition type of guy. We were really sad he didn’t run for VP Admin again, and it’s been fun watching him evolve into a cute little butterfly over the last year.

Ben Cappellacci came on the scene as a relative no one to anyone not in Sauder. At first we thought he was your typical frat guy, but over the year we’ve found out that he is so much more than that. Ladies, he is also single. Ben worked really hard this year on a whole bunch of things – like implementing Credit/D/Fail but most notably for lobbying on the Land Use Plan. He stepped in to fill Bijan’s shoes by leading the referendum committee and was overall stellar at pretty much everything he did, especially for having no earlier hack experience. We already miss him, and his ridiculous tweets on Wednesday nights.

Oh, Ryan Trasolini. Pretty sure that he is at the point now where he just wants to forget that he was ever involved in AMS politics. However, let’s reminiscence: after his election resulted in a tie, with the tie breaker being cast for the other candidate, he appealed. After the appeal didn’t go the way he wanted, he went to student court, where they tried to throw out the entire election. Then Brian Platt stepped down in order for the AUS Executive to vote to appoint an interim President, and Ryan brought some of his frat friends to proxy and vote for him so he could win. After that, he got to be AUS President, woopdeedoo, where they got their account frozen for operating without a budget. But back to the AMS – Ryan was the chair of the Student Life Committee which was supposed to be dealing with the Block Party fiasco and making a plan for it to be fiscally sustainable. Turns out that he didn’t do any of this, leaving Crystal Hon to pick up the pieces in just a few weeks. We advise Ryan to just stick to spinning sick beats in the future.

Have some other suggestions for The Flamingos? Leave in the comments or email to amsconfidential [at] gmail.com

Don’t forget to vote for us in VoterMedia, right here!

Where did all the Commerce go?

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You all know what a Commerce student is. Even though their new, expensive building keeps them oh-so-exclusive and they’re dwarfed in sized by Science and Arts, you’ve seen them around. There’s at least one of them running that club you’re in and they’re always click-click-clicking away on their Blackberries and Macbooks, dreaming of fast cars and fast money.

So where did they all go? With Ben Cappellacci’s recent resignation from the BoG race, the only Sauder-ite left running for office this year is Michael Moll, who’s a fresh face to AMS politics. His “experience” consists of being 2nd year and 3rd year rep at Commerce and a “business blog” that reminds us of a certain boring Owl. His platform is literally “The AMS should be more like the CUS”. Way to represent, Moll.

Last year’s Commerce candidates were filled with big names like Bijan (joint MBA/Law and bijan.ca), J Rebane (Kicking it with Pedobear), Ekat (a Foxtrot Fox) and Stas Pavlov (writes for these guys). There were seven Commerce candidates last year and almost all of them got elected!

(Interesting sidenote: the only candidate who beat a Commerce student last year was Jeremy McElroy, so look out, Moll!)

What did we do wrong, Sauder; what did we do?

So UBC, show those Commerce kiddies that you still care! Get out your boomboxes and your mix tapes and stand outside those Henry Angus windows! Better yet, maybe pretend to care about their upcoming CUS elections, which I hear some of the above names are running in.

Because underneath their Globe and Mail newspapers and cheap suits,
there beats a heart that wants to be loved. <3

(Bored by a post without any pictures? Don’t worry, our endorsements are going up REEAAAAL soon.

Don’t forget to show US some love, too, and vote for us for Voter-Funded Media funding!)

Bijan Haz Talent

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Oh, readers. Taylor here, a year older now, hungover, and literally coming off the most sparkly weekend of my life. To nurse my headache, I can’t stop watching Bijan and Toope’s duet from UBC’s Got Talent.

I had the pleasure of celebrating the fruit of my parents loins (myself) by attending the fruit of Bijan’s loins (UBC’s Got Talent) at the Chan Centre where we consumed copious amounts of alcohol, danced in the aisles, and left at intermission. UBC’s Got Talent was horrible, from what I remember at least. Despite being “sold out” there was a lot of vacant seats, and the talent was quite awful.

However, Bijan sang with Toope. And oh my god, it was AMAZING. Now Bijan, we’re not taking back every bad thing we’ve ever said about you, but you are fucking awesome in this video. Tipsy, maybe, but still awesome. Our friend sitting beside us says that his shirt looks like someone jizzed all over it before he went onstage, but whatever. Watch and enjoy, especially the tender hug at the end.

YouTube Preview Image

Srs Bsns: Bijan and AMS Councillors Can’t Be VFM

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Dearest readers who are normal students and not hacks: bear with us. This is going to get a little code intensive, but we’re SUPER FREAKING STOKED because this is our first lead that we’ve thought of, researched, and wrote all on our own!

Despite AMS Councillors being active in VFM the last few years (see Geoff’s Place, Radical Beer) and Brian Platt currently writing for UBC Vanguard while Crystal Hon is writing for UBC Insiders, AMS Code actually stipulates that they are not allowed to be compensated by the AMS, who supplies the money for Voter Funded Media.

Before owls start hooting and hollering, we’re not writing this to stir up shit about Brian Platt. Instead, Bijan has registered Bijan.ca as a Voter Funded Media for the Elections VFM.

  1. WTF, this is just stupid
  2. Bijan’s job is to COMMUNICATE WITH STUDENTS and be the PUBLIC FACE OF THE AMS.
  3. Seriously, you’re trying to make more money from student fees?
  4. He also hasn’t written ANYTHING ABOUT THE ELECTIONS.

so what, we already used this, our brains hurt.

However, AMS Code of Procedures says Bijan can’t get money from VFM.

Directors shall not receive monetary compensation from the Society unless such monetary compensation is received as a direct result of their positions:

i) as a Director;
ii) as an employee or paid volunteer of one of the Society’s business operations, Services, Resource Groups, programs or clubs, provided however that the Director was an employee or paid volunteer continuously in the Business, Service, Resource Group, Program or Club position prior to being nominated for the position of Director; or
iii) within one of the Society’s Constituencies.

Translation: People on AMS Council  can’t get paid for anything else that isn’t their job. They’re not allowed to pick up random catering shifts, or be a security guard (real life examples with councillors) because they are a Director of the Society. So why would getting paid for a VFM blog be any different?

Read on only if you want to get super hacky or are on AMS Council.

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Sorry, JMac and BCapp.

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We here at AMS Confidential would like to express our sincerest apologies to Ben Cappellacci and Jeremy McElroy. You may remember the picture to the right, from a while back. At the time, we were quite critical about their brown, “old man blazers.” I know times are tough since Bijan’s idea for a clothing allowance was killed, but you guys need to call each other ahead and make sure you’re not wearing similar jackets on the same day. Faux pas!

Why are we sorry? Due to this monstrosity.

What would possess someone to buy such a jacket? This garment makes those brown old man blazers look… well, better. Now I’m really glad Bijan didn’t get that clothing allowance, because I wouldn’t want my student fees to be spent on garbage like this. The brown… the grey…  Yuck.

This picture (before the unicorn heart laser battle) was snagged from Bijan’s latest video blog, where we got to see his uninspired speech at the UBC Student Leadership Conference. I highly enjoyed the panning shots of the crowd where you can see people texting, along with other University staff not really paying attention. Using his finely honed conflict resolution skills, Bijan taught us it’s important to compromise in situations like signing lease agreements. O RLY?

[Editor’s Note: the SLC specifically mentioned that there was to be no photo or video taken in the Chan Centre, whoops!]

Even WikiLeaks Lite Gotta Make Rent, Bijan.

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Yes, it’s true. On World Press Freedom Day, AMS Council cut off our VFM funding. Since like, only 50 of you actually vote (come ON! we have so many more hits than that!), you probably don’t care.

reports indicate an actual picture of a 'pink box' might be scandalous

Anyway, here is the Blackbox UBC Story, in point form. Like all True AMS Stories, its truth can only be known by the people involved, unless it came out in Council when no one was listening.

  • Blackbox UBC applied to be a VFM
  • Elections Administrator Erik Mackinnon accepted them
  • Bijan pulled a hissy fit and ordered Erik to reject them, because they leaked a super secret document (and had nothing to do with their anonymity)
  • They filed a complaint with the Ombudsperson (anonymously) against the AMS Executive and Elections Administrator for banning them from VFM
  • Executive Committee overruled Bijan and said they could be a VFM (Dear Political Rhetoric at UBC: note the difference? Execs, Executive, Exec Comm ≠ President.)
  • Erik freaked the fuck out and refused to make any more judgment calls re: VFM entrants until there were concrete rules surrounding continuous VFM
  • People raised questions regarding the anonymity of Blackbox, since (according to variously reliable sources) VFMs can’t be a) current candidates; or b) current councillors; or c) all of the above; or d) none of the above
  • AMS Council ignored all this shit and adjourned, thus FREEZING ALL THE VFM FUNDING—which you can imagine somebody isn’t happy about
  • Elin, VP Finance, (and we’re very disappointed if you still need that explanation of who Elin Tayyar is) ordered Erik to keep on making judgment calls to keep the money going; Erik refused in a manner completely unrelated to his political/social ties to Bijan
  • Elections are starting, yet there will be no continuous funding for the blogs (plus they decreased the one-time elections VFM), so what is the point of funding if you aren’t going to GIVE MONEY WHEN IT SUPER DUPER COUNTS? Or give incentive to new, virgin opinions?
  • Nobody reads The Ubyssey.

What the fuck? Yeah, let’s back up and rewind here. There are four major issues with all this Blackbox shit right now.

  1. The reason they weren’t accepted as a VFM was because Bijan didn’t like that they leaked something.
  2. There are technically no rules about who can or cannot be a VFM, which is hella wack.
  3. The real issue is whether the AMS should give money to anonymous persons, but because this is the AMS, the legitimate debate surrounding this (can, and should, we demand that people consider their sources?) will get totally lost in a shining clusterfuck of BIJAN IS MEAN and WHY DOES COUNCIL HATE US and SECRET CONSPIRACIES, YOU GUYS etcetera etcetera
  4. The AMS won’t be paying VFM during elections. Also uncool, guys.

So, yeah, what the fuck?

We dare you, National Post. We double-dog dare you.

oh, sorry, we meant this one instead:

A TOTALLY LEGITIMATE COMPARISON

Problem #1: Bijan acted unilaterally (ie like a dick) to ban a media outlet from funding because they leaked something. Going beyond that, is Bijan trying to threaten the student media on campus to make us stop making him into a Lorax in fear of getting less money or not being deemed a “credible” student media outlet? (More to the point, we were a credible student media outlet? God, we love this campus.)

Problem #2: There are technically no “real” rules about Continuous VFM (only the Elections VFM which is a one time vote). There is convention, however. A blog called Locust and Bumblebee applied and were turned down on the merit that they didn’t contribute any content that was UBC or AMS related. We are a rare species.

Problem #3: After stirring up a whole shitstorm about being concerned where their money is going with Gazapalooza, be that to Hamas via 100000 passing of hands or the building of a boat that will sink, the AMS & hangers on need to seriously consider applying that rhetoric to everything. For all they know, they could be funding a terrorist. Or a staffer.

Problem #4: How is this supposed to happen if you cut off the incentive? Sure, AMS Confidential and UBC Insiders will still post, but what about new talent? Last year we were one of the newcomers and wouldn’t have been able to enter if it wasn’t for Continuous VFM. Broke, sad ladies need blogs more than ever, guys. Bring back the subsidies!

Problem #5: We love you, Black Box, but your use of pull quotes is totally pretentious because you are quoting yourselves. Here, I’ll show you:

“Your use of pull quotes is totally pretentious and makes it seem like you think what you’re saying is really incredibly totally important.” — A Noted Blogger

Come on, AMS Council. Yeah, so you’re facing a ‘systemic deficit’ or whatever, but which do you need more: a working budget, or us? We know you love your Robot Unicorn, so why don’t you start feeding OUR unicorns? Exotic grasses are way expensive, and it’s getting harder and harder to deal with the Virgins’ Union and their constant demand for pay raises.

Your Complete Guide to The AMS

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new to ubc? here’s what you missed…

PREVIOUSLY on AMS CONFIDENTIAL:

The AMS stands for your Alma Mater Society. The name doesn’t make sense, but it was formed to be your student society; you pay them fees and in return they keep the university from doing whatever it wants. Plus, parties and stuff!

anyway.

MIKE used to be Alma Mater Society President and he poledanced a lot

there’s like a million of these on facebook.

but then he turned things over to BLAKE

guido guido guido (photo c/o gerald deo)

go o~on….

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A Procrastination Post! Your April News for N00bs

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Confidential is back, Koerner’s isn’t, and surprise, surprise the AUS is a shit show once again.

Brian vs Ryan vs Student “Court” vs Naylor vs OMG Enough Already

So the AUS is a goddamn nightmare. It all started with this document that makes no fucking sense and hurts our cute little headband decorated brains. As a fellow sexy blogger once said, “most of it is irrelevant shit amounting to intellectual masturbation.”

So, n00bs: Naylor was the AUS Elections Administrator and isn’t a fan of Student “Court” as referenced by “the rising scourge of kritarchy.” Student “Court” dislikes Naylor because…we’re not quite sure. Let the battles commence.

In the AUS Presidential election, Brian beat Ryan by one vote. Ryan filed an appeal to the SC over a single ballot that he thinks was ambiguous and should therefore be spoiled, meaning it wasn’t a tie, meaning Naylor’s tiebreaking vote wouldn’t count, and meaning that Ryan would be EL PRESIDENTE.

However, SC went all power thirsty like the Volturi and began to “investigate” the situation. They ramble about the background of the election, how paper ballots got fucked up, how the results apparently caught on fire, and concluded that in the end there was STILL A GODDAMN TIE (seriously, we’re not making this up).

However, what is really alarming (think black iris thirsty alarming) is how they then deem the election VOID AND OF NO EFFECT. SC was simply asked by Ryan to “rule” on the validity of a certain ballot. Instead, SC found that the way the AUS elections were run was in violation of AMS code because they lacked appeals procedures (yes, we actually looked up the code). They also made this ruling without looking at the AUS 2010 General Election Regulations which includes the appeals procedures.

Whatever, its now all a moot point because Brian resigned in a professional letter to AUS Council in which he signs it “peace out, dawgs.” Be still, our gangsta meme hearts.

More sparkles and #procrastireading after the jump!

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Your Sporadic Dose of News for Noobs

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Long time no post! We won more moniez, Taylor is back (with less memes and more sparkles), people are storming some goddamn wall on campus, Gossip Girl aired, and it’s almost summer. Here’s a rundown of what is happening/a bunch of rumours in the sextacular AMS.

Secrets, secrets are no fun…

AMS Council had some super secret location discussing some super secret things where the sexy media isn’t allowed. We speculate that half of the meeting will be spent discussing strategies on how to become as popular in the UBC world as Justin Bieber & Perez Hilton are in the real world.

yes, taylor’s back… (her idols at perez’s birthday a few days ago)

After the jump we have some sexy Toope, the no alcohol at Koerner’s shit, and a clusterfuck of AMS rumours…

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Unobtanium Jello Wrestling!

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Well, the event you were all waiting for has come and gone. No, not The Presidential Debate hosted by Issues That Matter and The Media. Instead, The Unobtanium Jello Wrestling event. Held as a part of Science Week, it conveniently falls during elections and, as such, has become a joyous platform for candidates to campaign upon. In many cases, it is also the determining factor for many students yet to cast their ballot. While the non-hack and non-SUS crowd was meager at best, there were some epic battles.
For all you Noobs out there, the objective of jello wrestling is to remove the sock of your opponent in an inflatable bowl/pool of…green jello.  Needless to say, judicious use of tarps (and athletic garb) are involved.
After the cut, more of this:

god, we wish.

PLUS our exclusive live-action Sean v. Joel EngNerd Death Match—and how this year’s candidates compare to those of years gone by.