Is it that time of the year already?? Oh, how the initial campaign period has flown. They’ve impressed us on the fields! They’ve impressed us in the debates! They’ve left numerous messages in our inbox! But now it’s time to separate the cream from the chaff and give you our top picks (not entire Condorcet rankings, we’re not total wonks) for this year’s round of AMS Elections. Get ready, after the jump, for this year’s
Tag Archives: bijan ahmadian
A Life Size Dreamboat!
Well, today was a little more exciting. Hottie Ekat squared off against Michael in a rather dull debate of generic answers (apparently- this editor was running a little late). Do Me Now Duncan asked the candidates to show some personality, in which Ekat stood up and tried her hardest to garner enthusiasm from the crowd, whereas Michael just tried to re-emphasize his previous points. These candidates are quite different; Michael is studying political science/philosophy, put the words “Let’s Rock This Shit” on his posters, and was wearing plaid. Ekat is a Commerce student who wants to “Build a Better AMS” and was channelling her inner Blair Waldorf with a fabulous peacock headband. Hopefully tomorrow’s debates will allow us to tell the candidates apart a bit better and deem one a dreamboat.
Then came the Board of Governors debate. Guillaume was rocking a crisp suit, Azim was channelling his inner frat boy and Bijan with a pullover, Blake was wearing his classic camouflage (khaki green and khaki), and Sean Heisler was looking radiant in real life. Yes, Sean Heisler couldn’t be at the debate (he’s debating in Winnipeg) so he sent a LIFE SIZE CUT OUT OF HIMSELF along with a proxy. If that’s not sexy, we’re not sure what is. These editors are sswwwooonnning with love, especially after saying that “Defying Gravity” is his campaign theme song (Wicked! Glee! Love!!). Such a dreamboat.
The Board of Governor’s debate was definitely the most interesting, though this editor was still a little bored. Here are some interesting quotes, and we definitely recommend coming out to see the continuation: VP Admin, VP Finance, & Board of Governors Debate in the Norm Theatre, 12-130pm.
The notion that the relationship between the AMS and the University is somehow damaged is absolutely ridiculous.
I violate my values on a daily basis. (crowd erupts in awkward laughter)
I would like to see sprouts growing.
-Rodrigo Ferrari-Nunes on what he would like to see at UBC if he had a magic wand as VP Academic
We’d love to see some more personality from the candidates, so please, stop playing it safe.
Also! We received our first fan mail today! A former dreamboat and current candidate made us a UNICORN HORN. That’s adjustable. We’re currently accepting other kinds of love (ahem, endorsements hey?).
Delicious Debates, Part 2
Well, the debates have come and gone. Unfortunately, they were rather mild-mannered but we were glad to see the great turnout. In particular we were happy to see you, loud clapping groups who were there solely to give encouragement to your candidate of choice. Your presence reminded us of why we’re drawn to politics: a deep and abiding love of the sportsmanship and enthusiasm the scene sometimes embodies.
For the Presidential debate, we were glad to see the arrival of a joke candidate, Pak Ho! Or…is he? We’re not sure what to make of a dude whose slogan is “serious business.” Sean Kim was looking excellent in his suit, and Bijan dressed to match his poster in some black/beige getup as Natalie rocked the blazer. Hands down, this race will be between Bijan and Natalie, and looks to be a close one. Bijan had no problem citing his resume and was acting flamboyantly “politician” whereas Natalie came across incredibly genuine and focused on interacting with students and businesses.Her leadership experience in the past coupled with those beautiful, wavy blonde locks had us going googoogaga—as did her wicked black suede pumps. Who knew the plaid contingent could coordinate jeans & heels?? Forestry lady is hawt hawt hawt, professional, and humble, and for this we deem her our first female Dreamboat.
The VP External debate was the most lively by far, with Timkachu, Stas (sans baby and wearing the exact same outfit as seen on his posters), Jeremy “Mr. Beret” McElroy and Aaron Palm taking the stage for debate about Translink, housing, and….gasp! TUITION. Aaron Palm was kicking some serious Sarah Palin ass, representing Texas-style with his cowboy hat and strong drink. He dared to say what none of the other candidates wanted to (minus Timkachu): our tuition really isn’t that high, and its acceptable for tuition to rise at the rate of inflation. Tim represented sweater-vest style and got in some passionate shouty bits, but all hilarities and unicorns aside, Mr. Beret himself was dominating this debate. Although we hear some candidates went so far as to bring their opponents’ platforms to the debate, he came across as extremely prepared and articulate. Plus, as we’re suckers for good design, his website is definitely the most beautiful. Sorry, Johannes, but these editors were swooning over his platform. Look at this thing. It’s sex in a .pdf.
For the VP Finance debate, the Invisible Man failed to show up. Or…did he? Apparently he is an amazing kisser, and we’d like to find out more about this candidate. Perhaps he could return our glittery survey? Unfortunately, since his presence was unclear, this debate wasn’t, therefore, a debate and was over within a few minutes. On the plus side, Elin (totally rocking skinny black jeans, a black belt with a wide silver buckle, and the most professional plaid shirt we’ve ever seen) was looking super sexy and thus…sexier than the Invisible Man. If any of you ladies have seen or experienced this stud, we’d love to hear the gossip.
Your campaign interpretation guide: Poster fun!
Campaigning started bright ‘n early this morning, and the halls & classrooms are already plastered with posters of varying size and attractiveness. Clearly, a number of people were verrrrry busy with Photoshop over the weekend. This editor couldn’t help but note that by as early as 9ish, Buchanan B had a heavy emphasis on the presidential campaign: every classroom on the second floor had both a Bijan and a Nat Swift poster; Sean Kim trailed in third by choosing specific areas (although we have to doubt the wisdom of ‘top of the recyling bin’ as a location). No doubt dedicated volunteers spent long hours to ensure that we were confronted with the smiling faces of hacks wherever we may go, although we can’t help but wonder what measures were necessary to keep toiling fingers at the button machines.
In these dizzying times, it can be hard to properly analyze campaign media sources. That’s why, after the jump, we’ve given you our Handy Dandy Campaign Poster Field Guide. It’s the definitive resource to identifying, classifying, and ultimately analyzing the campaign materials with which you’re about to be, for lack of a better term, flyerfucked.
Should you, by the way, notice that we’ve an important subgroup, let us know in the comments. Did I mention we love the shit out of comments? OH BOY COMMENTS.
FYI: Use of campaign materials for the purposes of this post does not constitute an endorsement in any way, shape, or form. Duh.
Red Hot News Media
Slow news weekend? Nonsense. Here at AMS Confidential, we’ve uncovered a bushel bask of RED HOT TIPS for your perusal. We’re totally like Gillian Anderson as Agent Scully: hot stuff, hot on the case. Except, you know, there’s two of us. And we’re pretty sure K is Agent Mulder.
It’s important to note before we reveal this information that we’re aware some of it is pretty hush-hush. We thought long and hard before letting this out into the open, well aware that we were running a risk in revealing this to the public too soon. Some of you may not be able to handle the level of scandal we’re about to reveal—for those with weak hearts, we advise taking it in small doses, perhaps by covering part of your monitor with a piece of paper and slowly sliding it down to reveal wee, bite-sized pieces of dirty linen.
Tim Chu’s commitment to his mandate is impeccable: he’s got, like, two whole referenda! Referenda he’d kind of pledged to do anyway! He wants the AMS to “actively lobby” for less tuition and more government funding—because currently, they think it’s totally okay for those things to happen! or something like that wherein tuition fees rise as the value of the dollar drops, so you’re not actually paying any more real dollars! but the number is bigger! it’s important! Also, disabilities.
Mike Duncan is Natalie Swift’s advisor! Sasa Pudar (UBC Spectator) is running Jeremy McElroy’s campaign! Running a campaign does not constitute a conflict of interest! (We think.)
While we’re at it, the following people are rumoured to have potentially conflicting relationships:
- Bijan Ahmadian & Ben Cappellacci
- Jeremy McElroy & the Entire Goddamn Ubyssey
- Me & Your Mom
- Johannes Rebane & Stas Pavlov
Joke candidates past and present, take note, we are calling you out: Jeremy McElroy is Kommander Keg! Geoff Costeloe is the Comrade! And—OMG—hottie Student At Large Nick Fitzgerald is the Invisible Man. Or, at least, his translator.
Blake Frederick & Bijan = NOT BFFs
The Entire Ubyssey Board of Directors = in the same frat. Except for Blake.
And, in case you didn’t know—Johannes Rebane is really, really mean. Really, really, reallllllly mean.
Got any more breaking news for us? Leave it in the comments! I’m gonna go drink.
…or, rather: I’m gonna go drink!!1!!1!
(Editor’s Note: Issues That Matter is concerned about our journalistic integrity. Of which we obviously have shit tonnes of. We don’t kiss and tell, but we do like to drink beer after council meetings. In case you wanted to know, as we know you are so concerned with our unbias)
Bijan withdraws; it's all our fault.
Oh, Bijan. When we posted your video, we never thought we’d prompt you to reconsider pulling a Jeff Friedrich and remove your cadidacy for BoG. We especially never thought we’d hear you say this:
The flattering posting by the gorgeous ladies on the AMS Confidential blog made me reflect on the extent of my flexibility for running in both races, and I realized that I was bent on running for AMS President only.
We’d like to thank Emails That Matter, and the academy.
Our loins are aching…
for this hot piece of Bijan ass!
Bijan, aka Sex on a Stick, has obviously been practicing his Bennnnd and SNAP! in preparation to swoon the ladies and gentlemen of UBC beginning January 18. The above pornography ballet performance was leaked and we can’t help wondering what fun he likes to have NOT in clothes? For this, Bijan is our Total Dreamboat of the hour or so. <3
Aaaand they’re off.
Day one after the announcement of candidates, and rumor has it
(and by ‘rumor’ I mean verifiable evidence plus the natural supposition that of course elections officials are in Panic Epic Work Mode at the moment)
that Chief Elections Officer & CEO of Our Hearts Isabel Ferreras has spent her morning off and on the phone to her staff. Certainly we’ve already seen three—three!—BoG candidates drop out. Goodbye, Peter Stein, AJ Hajir Hajian, and Nader Beyzaei—we hardly knew ye.
We’ve got the complete list for you after the break, but first, let’s take a little walk down quelle scandale potentiale lane, y’all.
The buzz at beer last night and brunch this morning was triplefold—quadruple if you count the cheap Gallery pitchers—but it boils down to this:
- Blake Frederick. It’s been too easy lately to forget that our BF came into office as something of a golden boy, hailed by supporters and detractors alike both for his passionate commitment and political credentials.
And despite—or perhaps because of—the shitshow that’s marked his end of term, Frederick hasn’t given up the political life. He’s thrown his hat into, in fact, three races—not only the usual Senate/BoG pairing, but also the Ubyssey’s Board of Directors. This last is interesting considering that Frederick & our beloved campus publication are not what you’d call the best of friends. There have been scathing editorials all round and a rather sudden crackdown on AMS communications policy getting in the way of good relations. With all that history, one wonders what the Ubyssey Board could look like at this time next year—assuming, of course, that Frederick doesn’t disqualify himself by winning another race.
- The positions of interest. Although it’s not unusual to see BoG, Senate, and VP External attract a few more competitors than other positions, this year’s International Student Rep hopefuls are almost frighteningly numerous. You guys know this position is non-voting, right? (And Star, you know you submitted all materials without a last name, right? you do know? and it’s a thing? oh. cool.) It’s also heartening to see two relative unknowns rounding out the Presidential nominees, although it makes hunting for pictures a heckuva lot harder. Don’t even ask me about typing the tags up for this post. RIDICULOUS.
- The Elections Committee’s (presumed) accountability screed. One of the new features this year will be a PENALTY BOX on the Elections official website. Isabel Ferreras is a formidable woman, as seen here:
and we have no doubt that she won’t hesitate to use this box, which purpose is to daily—publicly!—keep the voting public very aware of any and all “warnings, violations, infractions and penalties.” It’s a move we here at Fuzzy Kitten Unicorn Scandal are looking forward to a little too much, frankly.
BUT WHO ELSE is out there? here are the people we’ll be stalking bothering in the name of Fair Game Media Coverage for the next month:
Last Night’s Whatever
Researchers say the G-spot doesn’t appear to exist. Super-tragic! However, there are still lots of fun things for you to play with from last night’s Council meeting—like these brand-spanking-new ballot-approved referenda:
- DESTROY ALL BLAKES
- DESTROY ALL TIMS
- “Engagement Levy”
- Fees Tied to CPI
- —fail—requires more signatures to get Slates
- Bylaw Amendments for Director Removal, etc.
And rumors abound of the following folks being tipped for nominations—although nothing’s in stone until Saturday’s meeting. (If you know anything fun about one of them that’s not going to consitute a gross violation of privacy—past political efforts, charming policy predilections—do give us a shout.)
- VP Academic: Rodrigo Ferrari-Nunes (former pres nominee plus a bunch of other involvement, Ben Cappellacci (psyduck lover, safewalk coordinator, marketing, DKE)
- VP Admin: Ekat Dovjenko (Commerce rep, dangerous curves)
- VP Finance: empty????
- President: Natalie Swift (08-09 Forestry rep, VPX FUS, sexy plaid-wearer); Bijan Ahmadian (um… everything, “Persian Mario”)
- VP External: Jeremy McElroy (Man of Arts, sexy DJ), Tim Chu (possible fallback career: go-go dancer?)
- Undecided: Aaron Palm (joke candidate?, former silly VP Admin candidate)
But enough of this old news. For what do you salivate, dear Ubyssey editorial staff readers? oh yeah. FASHION COUNCIL!!!1!!
Although Dylan Callow (Commerce kid-at-large) continued to represnt classy short coats & a general aura of healthy Canadian youth, I’m afraid it was the Arts kids who again swept our highly subjective grading system. Tim Chu repeated a truly epic small-check collared shirt, which, combined with his ultra-soft grey sweater, managed to communicate both fantastic style and an aura of cuddliness. Plus, smaller man, layering up, always good. Mitch Wright dialled it in with his usual hipster-casual, but points are awarded for finding the perfect mustard t-shirt to pair with one of the colors in your ubiquitous plaid. Guillaume Houle‘s amazing buttery leathery grandpa shoes set our editors s-s-s-swooning, and Crystal Hon kindly pointed out to us that although she was wearing Uncharacteristic Pants (gasp!shock!) her top was Ella Moss. Studded. KNITWEAR WIN.