Tag Archives: ben cappellacci

INFOGRAPHIC: Still can’t decide?

LAZY STUDENTS. We’ve sorted through three very similar presidential campaigns to bring you this: one-sentence differences on five key issues, from the cost of education to imagining the AMS is a lady/gentleman you’re taking out on a date. Keep our chart open in another window while you’re voting!

All answers have been condensed and paraphrased from debates hosted by The Ubyssey and the AMS Elections committee, with attention to statements made in interviews. We’ve tried very fucking hard to present opinions with great accuracy and no bias, but as always, we encourage readers to read the originals and become EPIC FUCKING HACKS. Our summaries—and background information on the issues—are after the jump.

Really lazy? We’ll be putting up endorsements and semantics in the next 24 hours. Click this amazing infographic below and vote on.


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Presidential Debate highlights: Too many for Tuesday

Here’s our second paraphrased debate highlights, this time from Tuesday. Tuesday’s debates were much livelier, with plenty of joke questions from both floor and moderation. Our most pressing question, however, was this: Why did Matt Parson have his shoes off? Major gross.

TUESDAY TUESDAY gonna try to slyly reference my role in a fraternity on Tuesday?


Question 5. Imagine you’re taking the AMS out on a date. Describe the date.

B: I’d send her a text that said “Hey girl, what are you doing tonight?” Take her to my favourite Italian restaurant on Robson, because I’m Italian. We’d eat delicious pasta, either vegetarian or not, depending on what the AMS is. Beautiful red wine. We’d talk about things that are important to her.

AJ: We’d take advantage of all the great things that UBC has to offer. We could start the day at the Museum of Anthropology, then trek down to Beaty and stare at the whale. Afterward, we could go to Sage and order some wine on our meal cards, because I’m assuming the AMS lives in residence? And is a first year? Wait, no, I don’t want to date the AMS any more. … Um. And then we would go to a Council meeting together. [Editor’s note: this can actually be sexy]

M: Considering how old the AMS is, I don’t know what I could take her out to. Maybe some tea and cribbage? and then, after that, maybe take her back to the frat house.


Question 9. As president, would you endorse the UBC Undie Run? And would you lead the pack?

Matt: I was on the Ubyssey video last year, doing a flip off the diving board! Wait, I shouldn’t have said that. But of course I endorse it! It’s fantastic, and the clothes go to charity! This is what college is all about!

AJ: I don’t think the AMS should officially endorse it… because it would lose its cool factor. But I would be there, why not?

B: [Raising his eyebrows, making inappropriate eye contact.] Yes. (Jeremy McElroy: “Creepy.”)


16: Are you worried about abusing power? How would you meet the challenge of using your power wisely?

[Boring answers explicating the balance of power in the AMS.]

Matt: [In addition to all the things the other candidates said] my friends are always making fun of me.


18: Ben: Are you going to Jello wrestle with me on Wednesday?

AJ: …sure?

M: I’ve been watching WWF clips all week.


19: The current President, Jeremy McElroy, is known for his beard. In fact, he used it for his campaign posters. He’s known as the guy with the beard. How do you want to see yourself branded?

AJ: Visual imagery? Topknot, big glasses. My real answer? As a strong leader.

M: I guess glasses and plaid is the theme?

B: [Smirking, wiggling his face.] Hey, girl.

We’ve achieved immortality.

This post was written by Kai, who has never jello wrestled in her life. She has, however, apparently dated both the figurative and literal face of the AMS.

Poster critiques from a hideous man

Editor’s note: This screed, scribbled in coarse ink on coarser paper, appeared in the secret drop-box of our hidden office in the SUB. Although loathesome to look upon, can we learn lessons from this unknown scribe? Will its vitriol overshadow its truths?

I was loathe, at first, to comment upon the campaign posters for the Presidential race. As a child, I was not allowed to look at photographs or mirrors; Father said they were “ikons of Beelzebub,” and that man only apishly mimicked what the Lord God alone was able to create. Being a free-thinking individual, I am more liberal in my views. Still, looking upon these images created a stirring in my bowels, a physical sense of wrong. Forgive me if my queasiness shows through my words.

The man Cappellacci

Here is a fellow who is familiar with his own visage, and finds it pleasing. The even dispersal of hair upon his cheek suggests to me an individual who has never worked a day’s honest labour in his life, has neither gutted the earth for riches nor felled the giants of the forest for fuel to warm his family. And yet, his face-bones are roughly hewn, too roughly, methinks, for those of an oily Mediterranean. Perhaps his father should enquire after the activities of the Pollack milk-man? But I digress.

I would not fain call any woman a hoor who, upon looking into Cappellacci’s eyes, found her loins whetted. Verily, these are the eyes of a man who retains a boy’s fresh senses, yet acts and speaks with the vigour of a man. I once saw such eyes on the face of a sailor who dwelt for a time above the gin-shop in Town. He was not long there before three milkmaids bore his whelps. If I recall, he left in the night, never to return. The children, all, were born disfigured. A sorry affair, and a warning to the softer sex: Guard your wombs ‘gainst the man Cappellacci.

The man Parson

It has been said that I harbour a weakness for pretty mouths, and a prettier mouth I have never seen than upon the man Parson. Those sculpted lips and that forgiving chin make the mouth of my own dear Maw-Maw seem like the foam-flecked meat-hole of a sottish charcoal burner. I do not say this lightly. During my years in the workhouse, a pretty mouth was a valued thing. A man might amass his own weight in tobacco or molasses if he possessed an orifice so fine as Parson’s and put it to worthy labour. O, but I do not wish such a sentence upon poor Parson. His shoulders are so slender, his skin birch-pale. The workhouse would break him like a cur beneath the wheels of the Foreman’s wagon.

Parson wears spectacles, which elicits my distrust. What use has a man for spectacles, lest he be in the employ of the Bank, mislaying the honest Worker’s salt and bread with his wily scrivening? Glasses are the acoutrement of a Clerk, and a Clerk’s word is not worth the soft white skin that holds him together.

And yet! That mouth. Had I not given my heart, in Dream-Time, to the Doe of the Mountain, I might offer it to that mouth, in vain hope that its soft succor be my companion until death. But alas, I am married to the Mountain, as surely as Parson is married to the bank-man’s ledger.

The woman Koehn

In my land, it is not custom for a woman to bare the contours of her calves or to pose for portraits. I must admit that I am shocked by how boldly this “AJ” gazes upon her viewers. She is like the Sweet and Holy Mother of Our Lord, but inversed, all meekness and God-fearing replaced by a fury and heat to rival that of any hand-logger with a brandy-filled gut. I pity any man who crosses this Child of Lilith. She is a woman who turns bulls to steers.

And, speaking of live-stock: It seems “AJ” has been sectioned and quartered like a fine young shoat! Here, a cartooned dart labels her locks “passionate.” Another points to her elbow, declaring that it “Creates high-functioning teams.” Also, her knee is a “Collaborative leader.” I might go further, but the jest would grow stale.

At first I felt that a candidate so divided would poorly serve her office. However, upon further reflection, it occurs to me that a leader who governs by her elbow, her hair, her knees, etc. has an advantage over her opponents.

The stuffed shirts who head Industry and Government tend to be great proponents of the Brain, that mass of tissue believed (perhaps correctly) by the Ancients to serve only as a cooler of the blood. The Brain, in my mind, is a highly sentimentalized organ. Does a man hew a cedar and construct a winter food-cache with his head? Does a woman suckle her child at a teat growing from her scalp?

It is the greater Body that serves the greater Good. If “AJ” would guide us with the innate talents of her Earthly frame, then so be it. Surely she outshines the “head-strong” milquetoasts Parson and Capelacci. Were I a voting man, I would know where to mark my “X”.


This post was definitely not written by Bryce.

Whistler Ben

While we remembered to post yesterday’s Ben on our Facebook page (which is like, totally awesome and you should totally like, go like it) we forgot to post it on our blog. We apologize, dear readers.

So here is yesterday’s Ben AND today’s Ben…for your viewing pleasure.

Where does Ben stand on the Whistler Lodge issue? What do you even think of it – should we sell it because it “bleeds money” (according to VP Finance candidate Tristan) or is it a service worth keeping (according to Ski & Board President)?

The Hipster-Hack Matrix

To go with your a.m. selection: Introducing the matrix of all matrixes, The Hipster-Hack Matrix.  Literal eons in the making, we’re not even kidding, this may just be the next BCG matrix (don’t know what that is? #sauderfail). So hold on to your down-belows, take a deep breath and let’s dive in.


The matrix is divided into four quadrants based on the candidates’ relative hipster and hack tendencies. But old person, you say, what’s a hack? Basically, student politics is a giant, often quirky, sometimes weird and always insular clique. The more you are involved in student government, the more you’re a hack—and that can be good or bad.

So, are you involved (good) or have you totally lost sight of the average student experience (bad)? To help you determine which candidate best meets your hip-hack needs, we’ve gone ahead and positioned everyone on the scale for your viewing (and voting!) pleasure.

This post brought to you by The Confidential Team—mostly Ekat. As always, all statistics on this blog are made up. We’re sorry; we know some of you are engineers.

UBC’s Very Own Ryan Gosling

Let’s just state the obvious here:

Ryan Gosling is hot.

He had his day with The Notebook, when every girl just wanted to cuddle and fall asleep in Noah’s arms every night. And then, well, Ryan Gosling kind of disappeared. He went on to do artsy things, like indie Canadian flicks, and then took  a hiatus.

And then, BAM! Out of nowhere, after we all kind of forget about him, Ryan Gosling was back. And this time he’s not only hot…

He’s experienced.

He’s a fucking good actor, he’s everywhere, and everyone wants him. HE EVEN BECAME A MEME. 

The same could be said for Ben Cappellacci. Just like Ryan Gosling was part of the Mickey Mouse Club and Breaker High [Editor’s Note: Are you kids too young to remember Breaker High on YTV?! Are you!?], Ben was part of the frat scene, the Senate, and SafeWalk coordinator. And then he had his breakout role as VP Academic. After enjoying such fine things like land use policy, Ben went on to do artsy things, like an exchange to Paris, and took a hiatus from the AMS.

And then BAM! Out of nowhere, Ben is running for President. His name is the headline in every story, his branding is sexy as hell, and he’s here to take UBC by storm just like Ryan Gosling is going to take ALL THE AWARDS.

So, welcome to the race Ben. In honour of everyone’s favourite actor and meme, we’ll be bringing you A Ben A Day, Ryan Gosling style. Like us on Facebook to get your daily dose! 


Things we love this week.

After a long weekend of media pukefest*, it’s time to review all the awesome shit that happened over the weekend! (er, since Friday). starting with our golden boy, of course.

i don't know why there is a laser eye show, let it be


Just as we were geared up for a nailbiter of a race between two overinvolved keener candidates, a third, equally overinvolved keener candidate entered the presidential race!  Bless you, Ben Cappellacci for a) having the marketing knowhow to make sure you’re the top story on everyone’s pages; and b) giving us all a chance to break out the “HOW DOES CONDORCET WORK AGAIN??” filler story.

petty but wonnnnnnnnderful


unnnnnnnngh I’ve missed you sooooo muuuuuuuch. Kids, if you’re new to this election, here is the thing: we have rules for this shit. Awesome, pedantic rules. And the Penalty Box on the AMS Elections website tells us every single time someone breaks these rules, e.g. by starting their campaigns too early—seriously, Katherine Tyson, you’ve done this election shtick before, you should know these by now—or other minor screwups. Vindictive, petty, and totally golden. love love love.

...and I want a pony, and some ninja Legos, and a Senate seat!!


Aside from the total mind-fuck of meeting people born in 1993 in our day-to-day university life, look at this list of total unknowns running for shit. Total unknowns with awesome names. Barnabas Caro? Montana Hunter (who is so clearly a minor fanfiction character)?

[Editor’s note: OMG finally another reason for Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus references. Oh wait, shit, just Facebook creeped and Montana is in fact a dude. Oh well, it’s still happening.]

Shit, son, if that doesn’t get you excited for politics, I don’t know what will. THEY ARE ALL JUST HACKY BABIES, which ovaries dictate I must find adorable or els—


The First Annual Flamingos

Awards season appears to be over with the climax of The Oscars…or is it? Full disclosure, I was too busy watching the Justin Bieber movie instead of the Academy Awards, so I don’t really know what kind of competition we’re up against here. Anyway, here’s AMS Confidential’s take on the last years entertainment in council chambers. We give you…The Flamingos.

[image redacted to protect people doing better things with their lives now]

Brittany Perna was elected as the International Students Rep, and at her first meeting the AMS decided to axe the position altogether for next year’s elections. BritBrit still could have retained her seat for the whole year, lobbying for the international kids and all, but chose to skip all the council meetings instead.

Elin Tayyar never failed to make us swoon with his hipster style every meeting. Just look at this photo, it’s like pixel sex. And seriously, who else do you know who can rock PLAID pants?

Bijan Ahmadian doesn’t win a flamingo, but hey, this is us being nice to him. We could have said a lot of other things, but we just really don’t like this shirt. Or his fur lined jackets. Or his cuffed jeans, etc.

Amanda Li is fierce. Not only is she super hot, she’s also an engineer. Besides having to put up with guys all the time and a severe lack of ladies, she is also President of the EUS and can probably outdrink every other non-engineer guy on council. Who wouldn’t tap that?

Michael Haack wasn’t elected as VP Admin, but unlike every other person who doesn’t get elected, he decided to run in the AUS Elections for AMS Rep. Since then, Michael has gotten involved in a lot of committees and has grown from being somewhat knollie to being a good leader-of-the-opposition type of guy. We were really sad he didn’t run for VP Admin again, and it’s been fun watching him evolve into a cute little butterfly over the last year.

Ben Cappellacci came on the scene as a relative no one to anyone not in Sauder. At first we thought he was your typical frat guy, but over the year we’ve found out that he is so much more than that. Ladies, he is also single. Ben worked really hard this year on a whole bunch of things – like implementing Credit/D/Fail but most notably for lobbying on the Land Use Plan. He stepped in to fill Bijan’s shoes by leading the referendum committee and was overall stellar at pretty much everything he did, especially for having no earlier hack experience. We already miss him, and his ridiculous tweets on Wednesday nights.

Oh, Ryan Trasolini. Pretty sure that he is at the point now where he just wants to forget that he was ever involved in AMS politics. However, let’s reminiscence: after his election resulted in a tie, with the tie breaker being cast for the other candidate, he appealed. After the appeal didn’t go the way he wanted, he went to student court, where they tried to throw out the entire election. Then Brian Platt stepped down in order for the AUS Executive to vote to appoint an interim President, and Ryan brought some of his frat friends to proxy and vote for him so he could win. After that, he got to be AUS President, woopdeedoo, where they got their account frozen for operating without a budget. But back to the AMS – Ryan was the chair of the Student Life Committee which was supposed to be dealing with the Block Party fiasco and making a plan for it to be fiscally sustainable. Turns out that he didn’t do any of this, leaving Crystal Hon to pick up the pieces in just a few weeks. We advise Ryan to just stick to spinning sick beats in the future.

Have some other suggestions for The Flamingos? Leave in the comments or email to amsconfidential [at] gmail.com

Don’t forget to vote for us in VoterMedia, right here!

Sparkle Endorsements 2011

So, apparently the cool thing to do is make videos. We present, THE WORST ENDORSEMENT VIDEO OF THEM ALL. It is cheesy, fantastic, and pink, just like our little cute selves. Enjoy.

YouTube Preview Image

Special thanks to Ekat, Ben Cappellacci, Kathy Yan Li, Sean Heisler, and Luca Chitayat.

Oh, also in recent news, Taylor is single and free of any conflicts of interest.

Where did all the Commerce go?

You all know what a Commerce student is. Even though their new, expensive building keeps them oh-so-exclusive and they’re dwarfed in sized by Science and Arts, you’ve seen them around. There’s at least one of them running that club you’re in and they’re always click-click-clicking away on their Blackberries and Macbooks, dreaming of fast cars and fast money.

So where did they all go? With Ben Cappellacci’s recent resignation from the BoG race, the only Sauder-ite left running for office this year is Michael Moll, who’s a fresh face to AMS politics. His “experience” consists of being 2nd year and 3rd year rep at Commerce and a “business blog” that reminds us of a certain boring Owl. His platform is literally “The AMS should be more like the CUS”. Way to represent, Moll.

Last year’s Commerce candidates were filled with big names like Bijan (joint MBA/Law and bijan.ca), J Rebane (Kicking it with Pedobear), Ekat (a Foxtrot Fox) and Stas Pavlov (writes for these guys). There were seven Commerce candidates last year and almost all of them got elected!

(Interesting sidenote: the only candidate who beat a Commerce student last year was Jeremy McElroy, so look out, Moll!)

What did we do wrong, Sauder; what did we do?

So UBC, show those Commerce kiddies that you still care! Get out your boomboxes and your mix tapes and stand outside those Henry Angus windows! Better yet, maybe pretend to care about their upcoming CUS elections, which I hear some of the above names are running in.

Because underneath their Globe and Mail newspapers and cheap suits,
there beats a heart that wants to be loved. <3

(Bored by a post without any pictures? Don’t worry, our endorsements are going up REEAAAAL soon.

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