Tag Archives: vfm

Even WikiLeaks Lite Gotta Make Rent, Bijan.

Yes, it’s true. On World Press Freedom Day, AMS Council cut off our VFM funding. Since like, only 50 of you actually vote (come ON! we have so many more hits than that!), you probably don’t care.

reports indicate an actual picture of a 'pink box' might be scandalous

Anyway, here is the Blackbox UBC Story, in point form. Like all True AMS Stories, its truth can only be known by the people involved, unless it came out in Council when no one was listening.

  • Blackbox UBC applied to be a VFM
  • Elections Administrator Erik Mackinnon accepted them
  • Bijan pulled a hissy fit and ordered Erik to reject them, because they leaked a super secret document (and had nothing to do with their anonymity)
  • They filed a complaint with the Ombudsperson (anonymously) against the AMS Executive and Elections Administrator for banning them from VFM
  • Executive Committee overruled Bijan and said they could be a VFM (Dear Political Rhetoric at UBC: note the difference? Execs, Executive, Exec Comm ≠ President.)
  • Erik freaked the fuck out and refused to make any more judgment calls re: VFM entrants until there were concrete rules surrounding continuous VFM
  • People raised questions regarding the anonymity of Blackbox, since (according to variously reliable sources) VFMs can’t be a) current candidates; or b) current councillors; or c) all of the above; or d) none of the above
  • AMS Council ignored all this shit and adjourned, thus FREEZING ALL THE VFM FUNDING—which you can imagine somebody isn’t happy about
  • Elin, VP Finance, (and we’re very disappointed if you still need that explanation of who Elin Tayyar is) ordered Erik to keep on making judgment calls to keep the money going; Erik refused in a manner completely unrelated to his political/social ties to Bijan
  • Elections are starting, yet there will be no continuous funding for the blogs (plus they decreased the one-time elections VFM), so what is the point of funding if you aren’t going to GIVE MONEY WHEN IT SUPER DUPER COUNTS? Or give incentive to new, virgin opinions?
  • Nobody reads The Ubyssey.

What the fuck? Yeah, let’s back up and rewind here. There are four major issues with all this Blackbox shit right now.

  1. The reason they weren’t accepted as a VFM was because Bijan didn’t like that they leaked something.
  2. There are technically no rules about who can or cannot be a VFM, which is hella wack.
  3. The real issue is whether the AMS should give money to anonymous persons, but because this is the AMS, the legitimate debate surrounding this (can, and should, we demand that people consider their sources?) will get totally lost in a shining clusterfuck of BIJAN IS MEAN and WHY DOES COUNCIL HATE US and SECRET CONSPIRACIES, YOU GUYS etcetera etcetera
  4. The AMS won’t be paying VFM during elections. Also uncool, guys.

So, yeah, what the fuck?

We dare you, National Post. We double-dog dare you.

oh, sorry, we meant this one instead:


Problem #1: Bijan acted unilaterally (ie like a dick) to ban a media outlet from funding because they leaked something. Going beyond that, is Bijan trying to threaten the student media on campus to make us stop making him into a Lorax in fear of getting less money or not being deemed a “credible” student media outlet? (More to the point, we were a credible student media outlet? God, we love this campus.)

Problem #2: There are technically no “real” rules about Continuous VFM (only the Elections VFM which is a one time vote). There is convention, however. A blog called Locust and Bumblebee applied and were turned down on the merit that they didn’t contribute any content that was UBC or AMS related. We are a rare species.

Problem #3: After stirring up a whole shitstorm about being concerned where their money is going with Gazapalooza, be that to Hamas via 100000 passing of hands or the building of a boat that will sink, the AMS & hangers on need to seriously consider applying that rhetoric to everything. For all they know, they could be funding a terrorist. Or a staffer.

Problem #4: How is this supposed to happen if you cut off the incentive? Sure, AMS Confidential and UBC Insiders will still post, but what about new talent? Last year we were one of the newcomers and wouldn’t have been able to enter if it wasn’t for Continuous VFM. Broke, sad ladies need blogs more than ever, guys. Bring back the subsidies!

Problem #5: We love you, Black Box, but your use of pull quotes is totally pretentious because you are quoting yourselves. Here, I’ll show you:

“Your use of pull quotes is totally pretentious and makes it seem like you think what you’re saying is really incredibly totally important.” — A Noted Blogger

Come on, AMS Council. Yeah, so you’re facing a ‘systemic deficit’ or whatever, but which do you need more: a working budget, or us? We know you love your Robot Unicorn, so why don’t you start feeding OUR unicorns? Exotic grasses are way expensive, and it’s getting harder and harder to deal with the Virgins’ Union and their constant demand for pay raises.


All I was trying to do is to question the instinct to characterize almost anything that happens in relation to elections as “hot”, [BREAKING] news without any verification or reflection.
-Issues That Matter

On a relatively slow media day yesterday – as in, no Bijan ballerina videos – it seems that other VFM outlets and The Media are  creating some drahmaz almost as sexy as Lindsay Lohan in Mean Girls. If you’re the type who fancies a classy lay like ourselves, you can always vote for us. Here’s a quick breakdown of yesterday’s stir. Warning: clicking the links may cause you to transport back in time to high school.

Elections Guru vs The Editors

Miss Elections Guru and The Editors over at The Media have been in a bit of an awkward turtle. The Ubyssey wrote an adorable editorial about the Elections Guru, in which she then responded with a professional slap back. BOOYAH, bitches.

Chairman Naylor vs The Boyfriend

Our beloved Chairman Naylor (bowing on bended knee as I type) wrote epic Naylorisms about electoral code and blah blah blah. Then, he apparently had a comment glitch, in which The Boyfriend of Elections Guru posted a long meandering rebuttal. Since comments were not working, he made a Facebook note and tagged various hacks and The Media to get his sexy point across and swoon his beloved lady. Chairman Naylor then responded again. Meow.

Issues That Matter vs Emails That Matter vs Foxy Trout

A Mr. Callow emailed Emails That Matter, Foxy Trout, and the Sex Goddesses about a “hot tip” which was published here and here (we’re lovers of abstinence, personally). The following catfight occurred:

Issues That Matter: Bitches, we heard that long ago.
Kommander Keg: OH SNAP, biatch!
Probable editor of Emails That Matter under a secret name: Good job.
Foxy Trout: Issues That Matter, get your nose out of your ass. You’re just jealous we got the tip, you didn’t report it yo.
Issues That Matter: Here is a long list of things proving that I am correct. You yourself even reported this accidentally. Emails aren’t important, Issues are what really Matters. And Foxy Trout, it is on our page. #journalisticwin

And there you have it kids. Stay tuned for when the CANDIDATES start making waves, sheesh. We’re hoping for a John Edwards mixed with Jamie Lynn scenario, personally.