Category Archives: AUS Elections

UBC Votes Gets More Hilarious as Candidates Get More Desperate

Here’s your mid-week update on all the entertaining pieces of this extremely, extremely boring election. Seriously, candidates hooking up with each other last election (with photographic evidence to boot!) was so much more entertaining.

Last post, we lamented the fact that there are no black people in student politics. Apparently we were wrong. Enter Harsev Oshan, a student from Kenya running to be VP Student Life for the AUS. His campaign is eerily similar to Mike Moll’s as he takes pictures of his “I AM AUSOME” sign, instead of “I CAME TO LEAD.”

no doctoring necessary.

Reinforcing absolutely no stereotypes whatsoever, he released this video under the username “harsizzle” about why you should vote for him. Lyrics include “king of the jungle” (because he’s from Kenya, get it?) and something about how he will inject flava to the AUS. Props to these girls, because it probably took them forever to write this.

Speaking of videos, the AUS Presidential Debate video is now online, along with the two AMS rep videos we couldn’t stay awake through. In his final statement, Justin Yang offers up the metaphor of marriage:

When you have a wedding, you have something old and something new, something borrowed and something blue. I represent that. I’m something old, I’ve been here for four years. But I’m something new, the AUS is new to me. I’ve only been here for a year and that’s not enough. I’m something borrowed, because I was a part of SUS before I became part of the AUS. And I’m something blue, because I was part of SUS. But that’s behind me.

This is my promise to commit to the AUS. The AUS to me is not the other woman, this is my proposal. I’m coming in, and I’d really like to make the AUS my first love.

Arash replied with “I’ve been married to Arts since first year,” so we’re not sure how Sumedha is feeling right about now…

Meanwhile, in Poster Heaven, our own resident RobotBoy has possibly the cutest poster ever! Anyone that has “Our Tallest Senator Yet!” with a paragraph about his signature prep style just wins our hearts over again and again. Click to enlarge!

VOTE 4 _US

UBC Votes is kicking off Monday, and you have until Fridaaayy Fridayyyy to vote. You also get to vote for who you want to get some moniez for how they covered the elections. Here is why you should vote for us:

The MS-Paint-splattered brainchild of local twittebrity @taylorloren and angry coffee wench @queigh, @AMSConfidential shook up the AMS elections and captured the hearts & minds of hacks. Often-imitated but never surpassed, from day one we’ve brought the sparkle rainbow jams—hard-hitting, n00b-friendly coverage of news, made extra-sexy—and we just keep getting better.  As we prepare to take on UBC VOTES-TRAVAGANZA, we pledge to uphold our devastatingly high standards, delivering only the freshest dope and the dopest shit to your RSS feed. Also, we have unicorns.

Now, onto some srs bsns after the jump.

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Cappellacci wears ugly old man blazer, lures Ackbar into trap.

AMS VP Academic, Ben Cappellacci, has pulled off what some are calling the greatest trap in UBC’s illustrious history. He has somehow lured Admiral Ackbar, the preeminent source of all trap locations on campus, into a trap. The trap of Associate Vice President Academic.

We here at the Confidential were really excited when the Admiral was elected. We’re going to be extremely sad as he is forced to resign from council. We might even shed a pink tear from our collective sparkle eyes.

Guess there’s another Arts AMS rep spot open… #GG4Artsrep

This isn’t some April Fools joke.

This isn’t a trap.

Update:
To Whom It May Concern:
I am resigning my seat as an Arts AMS Rep, effective immediately.  I have found that my Council chair does not swivel to the standards I became accustomed to in 1983, and the distinct lack of spaceships under the AMS’ command makes it difficult for me to be effective.
Because I am taking the position of AVP Academic, I have no choice but to resign: the AMS can’t repel conflicts of interest of that magnitude.
I look forward to working with everyone in my new capacity, and would like to say that I do admire the amount of time and effort you all put in to bettering the UBC experience, especially since most of you do so as volunteers.
Yours sincerely,
Admiral Ackbar / Sean Cregten

he'll safewalk you home too.

Abandon Ship

DOES NOT APPROVE

The AUS Phailboat is going dowwnnnn.

Yesterday, my beloved Arts Undergraduate Society selected an interm President. They picked someone who already lost in the previous election, and was essentially a sore loser. FML.

After I straggled in, got a slice of delicious pizza, and started to listen, turns out there were four nominees for the vacant President seat. Who were these four fine candidates? The lovely Cheryl Kornder, former SUB Queen Crystal Hon, Mr. “FUCK THE AUS/LET’S MAKE IT AWESOMER” Brian Platt, and eventual winner, Ryan “I’m so happy and easy to work with vote for me even though my speech was complete hogshit garbage” Trasolini.

After the first round of voting, Cheryl and Crystal were eliminated. Hmm… both start with the letter C. Both eliminated. Conspiracy? I think so. Conspiracy even starts with the same letter (WHOA MIND BLOWN). Better take this up with student court so they can analyze something completely different about the council meeting. Eliminating these two was the first mistake council made.

Second round, everyone voted again. Turned out to be 12-9 or 11-9 or something like that for Ryan. Or Brian. “WHAT? With a B or an R?” With an R. Ryan. Ryan won. Hokay. Agreed. D’accord.

all eyes on you. all two of 'em.

@ginohhh’s tweet pretty much sums up how I feel about the situation: “Congratulations to the AUS for achieving new heights of incompetence. I’m out.”

Seriously. Council… WTF? You went though a month or two of elections / agony / student court / useless banter / resignations /complaining … and you end up appointing the same cry baby which put you into this whole mess? Smart. Real fucking smart. Maybe I shouldn’t even bemoan council, seeing as though it was all proxies there. Yeah, let’s let Mike Silley vote, even though he was kinda/sorta involved in the elections clusterfuck. Great fucking idea. No Offense, Mike.

I don’t know what to rant about. That council appointed Ryan, or you didn’t pick other, much more qualified candidates that weren’t involved in the clusterfuck of an election. You should have appointed someone impartial. Someone removed from the previous debacle. Someone that could have gotten the AUS back on track. Someone who could have led the recovery, and bring the AUS back to what it used to be (some of us still remember the ACF days).

Dammit council, you failed. I guess whining enough does pay off.

Guest Editorial: Justin McElroy Rants for 2,000 Words

In keeping with our commitment to bringing you the greatest news from the finest minds, Our Editorial Board of Great Truths & Unbias persuaded Justin McElroy, glistening beacon of truthiness, to write a few words on the subject of the ongoing student court debate, or, as we like to call it, What Passes for Scandal These Days.  Justin, in addition to being one of the finest political analysts around, is the Ubyssey’s Coordinating Editor for 2010/2011. He also served as Sports Editor last year, which he would like you all to forget, and as News Editor in 2008/2009; he also writes an infrequent column/blog/cranky old man rant for Macleans on Campus.  Justin is indeed the cousin of Jeremy McElroy, VP External, and possesses a similarly-sized but not expressed dose of the Patented McElroy Charm.  Also, if you pester him, he can show you family baby pictures on his iPhone.  There are at least three Justin McElroy Memorial Items, none of which have anything to do with this article.

Full disclosure: Kai not only works with Justin (at the Ubyssey) and is dating Jeremy, but has also been told by Justin that the prospect of her attendance at theoretical future family events is, and I quote, “uncomfortable.” It’s uncomfortable to us all now, Sparky.

HOUSECAT, HOUSECOAT

Oh, hello.

You may know me as “the guy from The Ubyssey,” or “McElroy who isn’t Jeremy.” I am writing here because a) This entire AUS election/Student Court judgement pile of stupid has annoyed me greatly, b) I did not feel it would be responsible to publish a sarcastic 2000 word diatribe on this stupid little fiasco on the website I oversee, and c) I want to a choice curse word or two, just for kicks. It’s fucking irritating and I want it to go away. Also, I may have been promised a tasty beverage or two for doing this. And Kai asked me to. So there’s that. [ed. note: Oh, he loves the attention.]

That disclaimer out of the way, let’s go ahead with the ranting and the shaking of fists. Continue reading

A Procrastination Post! Your April News for N00bs

Confidential is back, Koerner’s isn’t, and surprise, surprise the AUS is a shit show once again.

Brian vs Ryan vs Student “Court” vs Naylor vs OMG Enough Already

So the AUS is a goddamn nightmare. It all started with this document that makes no fucking sense and hurts our cute little headband decorated brains. As a fellow sexy blogger once said, “most of it is irrelevant shit amounting to intellectual masturbation.”

So, n00bs: Naylor was the AUS Elections Administrator and isn’t a fan of Student “Court” as referenced by “the rising scourge of kritarchy.” Student “Court” dislikes Naylor because…we’re not quite sure. Let the battles commence.

In the AUS Presidential election, Brian beat Ryan by one vote. Ryan filed an appeal to the SC over a single ballot that he thinks was ambiguous and should therefore be spoiled, meaning it wasn’t a tie, meaning Naylor’s tiebreaking vote wouldn’t count, and meaning that Ryan would be EL PRESIDENTE.

However, SC went all power thirsty like the Volturi and began to “investigate” the situation. They ramble about the background of the election, how paper ballots got fucked up, how the results apparently caught on fire, and concluded that in the end there was STILL A GODDAMN TIE (seriously, we’re not making this up).

However, what is really alarming (think black iris thirsty alarming) is how they then deem the election VOID AND OF NO EFFECT. SC was simply asked by Ryan to “rule” on the validity of a certain ballot. Instead, SC found that the way the AUS elections were run was in violation of AMS code because they lacked appeals procedures (yes, we actually looked up the code). They also made this ruling without looking at the AUS 2010 General Election Regulations which includes the appeals procedures.

Whatever, its now all a moot point because Brian resigned in a professional letter to AUS Council in which he signs it “peace out, dawgs.” Be still, our gangsta meme hearts.

More sparkles and #procrastireading after the jump!

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And you thought the last meme post was forced.

Elections season is over, which, these days, means it’s time for recount/contest season! Rather than recount the Trasolini/Platt saga at great length, we’ll recap shortly, and then present the only result we care about: ACKBAR ACKBAR ACKBAR

So.

  1. Trasolini loses by one vote, cast by AUS EA Matt Naylor to break a tie.
  2. Trasolini writes open letter, claiming that ballots were miscounted (he has proof!!) & he should have won by two votes.
  3. Wahmbulance called.
  4. Recount reveals that Platt is still winner.
  5. ??????

Anyway, here’s a thought to cheer you up, Artsies. Sure, we’re starting the new elective year on a wonky note.  But there’s so much for us to anticipate! Yes, you, Foresighted Arts Voters, had the courage—the understanding—the bravery to elect Seannie C., a.k.a. ADMIRAL ACKBAR.  We here at the Confidential (okay, I here at the Confidential) are Huge Fucking Star Wars nerds, and we’re super-excited for the opportunity to spend an entire year doing variations on the trap meme.

When we haven’t had our caffeine:

tip your goddamn barista, kids, we're fucking starving

When we’re feeling just too old to keep up with you political whippersnappers:

tis not a woman true, but a half creature, neither fish nor foul

When shit’s about to get funky:

in west Coral City, born and raised / on the Calamarian Council is where I spent most of my days

WE’RE SO EXCITED!!! WE’RE SO EXCITED!! WE’RE SO SCARED

Voting for Sexy Candidates is Sexy.

Let’s face it: looks matter. Attractive people succeed in life. Just knowing that Kai and Taylor are extremely attractive individuals is probably enough to get you to read this blog. Their shear hilarity and awesomeness gets you coming back with every post.

Enter myself, Gossip Guy, into the fold, and holy shit, you’re probably checking this site more than twitter and facebook combined. Yeah, I’m vain like that. Deal with it.
There are some sparkle-tastic sexy candidates this year. Choosing solely and purely on looks, who would the Confidential pick? Only the ones that fit our extremely strict guidelines. Sometimes it’s fashion that tickles our fancy, other times it’s someone’s adorableness that fancies our tickle. First up…. Arts.

"oh hai"

Ryan Trasolini

He’s the definition of smarmy. He was the one out there in front of every event, looking awfully cold, handing out his fantastic yellow business cards. That has to be a few sparkle points and a gold star or two in the Unicorn Championships.

Fact is, the man is bold. He can be in your face. He’s not afraid to take chances, just like his seafoam green shirt in the picture. He’s quite adorable and cute, which is evened out by his obviously cheesey/sleazy behaviour.

Ryan Trasolini – we approve. Of everything. Except for that shirt. I fucking hate that colour.

YEAH YOU WANT TO READ MORE.

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Partial Results Wholly Unsatisfying

…if you know what we mean.
PARTY’S OFF, EVERYBODY GO HOME.

After $60,000 from Arts alone (and that uneven funding is a whole ‘nother story) spent on booze, booze, and Said the Whale, UBC VOTES is ready to announce the results of their efforts.   Er, kind of.  See, the longer elections go on, the clearer it’s becoming that this election is bound to reinforce the status quo.  Let’s look at some of the goals we had going into this.  Was there an upturn in student involvement?
Well, according to Sir SUS (EA Lougheed)… no.  (But there’s so much else to celebrate!)

and then we all held hands and sang 'kumbaya'

Oh. Well. Was there a new sense of excitement surrounding constituency politics?
…um, well, Eleven’Eleven” said some really nice things.  But most students still have a predictable reaction:

someone call the 'wah'mbulance

I see. How about we just find out who won, then?—ah, but as it turns out, we won’t be getting that either.

The registrar’s office has, apparently, bucked at the notion of having to provide a list of student numbers of online voters on Friday.  EAs may protest, but to no avail—the registrars have deadlines, too, and they’re not giving it up until after the weekend.  This means that the paper ballots cast can’t be counted (because double votes can’t be eliminated) until Monday.  Meanwhile, “partial results” (aka web ballots + Epic Math) will be announced tonight, but we’re assuming that the number of paper ballots (est. 25% of those cast)—and, thus, the margin of error—will still be rather high.

So what went wrong?  Well, for one thing, this whole UBCVOTES thing—cool as it is—was rather last-minute.  Hopefully next year’s committee, should they decide to keep the partnership alive, will start planning earlier & make use of now-existing infrastructure.

Secondly, events (& voting) were heavily promoted online, but given the nature of the hack facebook community (so insular, NASA’s using it to keep astronauts warm! ba-dump-ching), this may not have been the best strategy.  Perhaps, next year, a better physical presence? We hear the SUB is good for that.

i'll kick it with your funky bunch

Thirdly, the elections committee was forced to use WebVote at the last minute, rather than the hackable AMS Elections voting system, although, again, the availability of (alternative) paper balloting was limited at best.  In conjunction with this, we’d strongly—strongly—recommend a more comprehensive volunteers program, possibly with a talented, dedicated volunteers coordinator.

On a positive note, what went right?  Well, we’re totally impressed by the dedication of the entire elections committee.  Lots of love for former Confidentialite Taylor Loren, whose voice was apparent in a lot of the official emails we got (even though they were e-signed by the EAs) and who was a vivacious and visible presence throughout the events/voting process, from tweets to butts in seats.  The events were expensive, yes, and not too effective, but they were way way bomb.com.  MoA is a kick-ass venue, y’all.  Everyone who went to the parties had a lot of fun (and there’s photographic evidence if you know where to look).  Drink tickets got handed out like fuckin’ confetti.  And hey, pancakes!

But we’re still mulling over one question: will all these sexy parties be enough to prevent the largest candidate case of blue balls, like, ever??

that looks... painful. (image c/o trucknutz)

It’s A Referendum in the A.U.S.

dean nancy does not approve of your courtyard drinking. take it inside, son. also, FLOATING BEER.

This is part 1 of a point/counterpoint series on the AUS referendum. Hopefully we’ll get around to the counterpoint.

Votin’ with a click like yeahhhh

Checkin’ that box like yeahhhh.

There’s a poorly advertised/promoted/talked about referendumb question on this year’s AUS election ballot. It reads something like:

Do you wish to pay more every year for a new party space on campus? Like, not too much. Way the hell less than those new 2012 commerce kids, and when it’s all said and done, a little more than those damn peppy HKINners want in their referendum.

At this point, you might be all like “ZOMG WHAT A DEAL,” like when they put two Cheetos bags on sale for $4 and you buy four bags instead of your usual one because they’re so much cheaper.

Maybe you’re thinking “NAW WAY SON” because instead of an extra few bucks per year given to the AUS, you could buy eight whole bags of Cheetos instead of one or four.

If this thing passes and meets quorum (unlikely), you artsies will be paying:

  • $18 for 2010/2011 and 2011/2012
  • $23 for 2012/2013 and 2013/2014
  • $28 for 2015/2016, then adjusted by inflation/CPI

Well, wait Gossip Guy. That seems like a fairly reasonable increase for a new building/sapce, but… what’s it going to look like? Where will it be? Great questions, astute reader! Luckily, GG has obtained some documents showing a revamped Buchanan West Courtyard. Clicky “continue reading” to see…

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