TO:               Jenny Bachynski, Member of team The TechniWriters, English 301 99C course

FROM:        Thu Vo, Member of team The TechniWriters, English 301 99C course T.V.

DATE:          March 17^th, 2019

SUBJECT:  301 Peer Review, Assignment 3.3 Formal Report Draft for Jenny Bachynski

Thank you for submitting your formal report proposal for assignment 3.2. Your peer review for “Proposal for Increasing Participation of the Vancouver Public Libraries’ Children and Infant Literacy Programs” is completed and includes first impressions and detailed notes for each sections of the report. Your questions are welcomed.

First impression:

The draft formal report is well-aligned with the chosen topic and contains all the required core elements. The data section is eye-catching with extensive data analyses from surveys and interviews. The report contains at least one graphic per page, which is visually appealing and suggests a reader-friendly document.

Content

• Many parts of the draft’s content are informative, especially Data Section A and B, where survey and report data are analysed. A lot of good correlations and implications are suggested in these sections, which are valuable to the readers.
• The draft report would benefit from revisions of some specific parts, as described below:
  • Data Section C: Providing Social Programs in the DTES can be difficult for the readers to follow the writer’s thinking:
    • Clarifying the importance of this section will increase the logical flow of the draft report. This section focuses only on one VPL branch, which has a smaller scope than the goal of this report – to increase participation at all branches.
    • The correlation between Ms. Servane Phillips’s interview on her Music Program and the VPL Children and Infancy Programs can be improved with a short explanation in the topic sentence.
  • Data Section D: Marketing the VPL Programs contains information that the readers already know:
    • Proving information regarding marketing strategies that are unknown to the readers would be much more valuable to the report.
• The report has identified and analysed a problem or an area for improvement: it suggests enhancing the participation in the VPL child and infancy literacy program through two realistic solutions. Of these recommendations, using outside resources to promote the programs is more aligned with the original topic. The other suggestion focuses specifically on improving the attendance at one of the branches. Rephrasing and broadening the scope of this solution will align it better to the overall report.
• No important technical terms in the report need definition for the intended audience.
• The report is logically laid out with problems and solutions discussed in an organize progression.
• Overall, all sections in the report are relevant to the identified reader.

Organization

• The organization of the draft is quite clear and effective.
  • The Introduction’s flow can be improved:
    • Sub-headings might not be necessary for this section.
    • There is a mismatch between the sub-sections and their contents (e.g. Purpose of Report should be Scope of Report, Scope of Research should be Method).
  • Data Section E: Children’s Literacy:
    • This section provides valuable research data on the importance of these programs to children and infants. Bringing this section to the beginning of the Data Section would increase the audience’s overall appreciation of the report.
    • Sub-section “The Benefits of Libraries for Young Children and their Parents” has a broader scope, hence it might be ideal to mention it before the other sub-section.
• Heading and sub-headings of the report are colored blue, which reveal the content quite clearly.
• Information is well-divided into short, readable paragraphs, which speeds up the reading process. Some sentences are a bit long or provide information that the readers already know, which can be shortened or omitted (e.g. “At first glance, libraries are primarily used for borrowing books, but there are many other opportunities offered that can be overlooked: access for people of all backgrounds to exercise their right to learn, create, communicate, use resources, and meet like-minded people”).
• Most parts of the report are clearly connected to one another.
• Adding or strengthening topic sentences would be beneficial to the report. More direct preview statements of the content to be discussed would aid the readers in the reading process.

Style

• The tone is objective and positive through-out the report.
• The tone reflects the you-attitude toward the identified readers emphasized in Technical Communication. Taking out the words “I” or “We” in some sentences will help focusing the report more on the audience.

Design

• Graphics are mostly well-designed, correctly and effectively labelled, and effectively integrated into the print content of the report.
  • Avoid having graphics outside the margins of the document.
  • The use of graphics will be more effective by using short explanations throughout the report.
  • Figure 3 can be presented through a different type of chart (e.g. bar chart) as families can find out about the VPL programs through various channels rather than just one specific channel.
  • Adding graphs to Data Section A: Surveying Families would promote the understanding of the written paragraph.
• The report draft is reader-friendly and visually appealing. Some parts of the report’s design (spacing, font size, layout) can be improved:
  • Choosing a bigger font size for headings and sub-headings would increase the effectiveness in classifying different sections in your report.
  • Using the Table of Content function of Microsoft Word would make the Table of Content more professional.

Citation

• Proper in-text citation (including graphics) will assist in creating a professional formal report.

General statement:

This draft formal report has provided invaluable information and analyses which can be beneficial to the intended audience. The writing language is simple and effective. The you-attitude is presented quite clearly throughout this document. With the following edits, this will be an excellent document:

• Information in the report should be new to the targeted audience. Avoid mentioning information that they already know.
• Avoid generalities by providing details and clarifications as concisely as possible.
• Reorganizing some sections in the report would smoothen the flow.
• Minor revisions on the graphics would bring tremendous results.

It has been a pleasure reviewing your work. Please contact me if you have any question.

Link to Jenny Bachynski’s Formal Report Draft