Category: Careers / Work

Categories
Academic Careers / Work Involvement / Leadership Miscellaneous

#055: The return of the mad hatter

Currently listening to: some trumpet major practicing études

After a record 11 days of not blogging, I am back in the blogosphere, having been driven sufficiently mad by the past week-and-a-bit’s onslaught of papers/schoolwork and elections and work and well, life in general. It never ceases to amaze me how tiring just…being awake…can be. Suffice to say, my brains are quite frazzled, as are my nerves, and so as I hide out in the Music library, listening to the soothing (?) tones of trumpeting trumpeteers, I’ll do my best to remain coherent. So here goes nothing.

Arts One is pushing me to the brink slowly but surely – the menagerie of Indian-themed books we’ve had piled upon us this whole semester has been in a word, insane. Too much of a good thing can become a very tiring thing, such that any break at all from Indian literature is a huge relief. Which is why Walcott’s poetry, and Survival in Auschwitz, have been so incredibly welcome. For future reference, following up The Satanic Verses with ghazals and A Passage to India after having thrown in Gandhi and The Home and the World and random poetry packages is really not a good idea. As most of us stew in our own ennui and plow through the nth essay on colonial rule and Britain and India, I think there’s a general build-up of frustration and dare I say, boredom. While we’re at it, as much as I’m completely for reading books outside of the Western literary canon, I don’t see why we’re limiting it to Indian literature. It would be absolutely wonderful if we could’ve delved into Middle Eastern writings, not to mention South American books, or even aboriginal/First Nations tales and other such. In any case, we’ve only one book left – The Intimate Enemy, and yes, it too is about India in colonial times – so somehow, we’ll make it through (and pick the essay topic on Walcott).

In other news, French Club elections are over, and as in-house nut/social coordinator (which gives me a bulletproof excuse for being eleventy thousand times more enthusiastic about everything) for the upcoming year, I’m quite excited about all the great fun that ’09/’10 shall bring in due time *rubs hands in wicked glee and tosses blue white and red confetti* in other words, CREPES AND LITERATURE AND CREPES AND HATS AND CREPES AND ~FRENCHY THINGS~ !!!

Sorry. Was the nuttiness showing again?

Anyhow, work-wise, Indigo is great as usual. I’ve quit my position as a page at the library; instead, I am now reading to small children and it is the most amazing and rewarding thing ever. I mean, seriously, how many jobs do you get to act your shoe size and read Scaredy Squirrel Makes A Friend complete with HAND ACTIONS AND FUNNY VOICES? Seriously. The kids are absolutely great, too; they’re all so enthusiastic and happy and untainted by life. God, I wish I were six again. It’s frightening to think that I’ll be turning nineteen this year and twenty the next and grow old. Meanwhile I’ll just live vicariously through the ‘ickle ones, and books like Where’s My Sock? (great book, by the way, the psychedelic illustrations look like they were painted by someone completely tripped out on cotton candy.)

Well it’s still only 2.45 p.m. I’m going to be here till 7 p.m. tonight, sigh. then busing home, hooray. hopefully something ridiculous happens on the bus, such as the re-emergence of Vegetable Sandwich Man, or Celtic Music Guy.

Categories
Careers / Work

#048: Of charlatans and fools

Currently listening to: “The Great Wall of China” – Billy Joel

I think self-help authors are an absolute crock of rubbish. No, that’s not entirely true. To be precise, I think self-help authors who portray themselves as faith healers while invoking some sort of power from some sort of imaginary god figure are completely deluded opportunists preying on the minds of fools who need to feel as though some sort of supernatural being existed in order to feel better about their empty lives.

Why do I go on so, you ask? Why do I fume in indignation, why don’t I just let those fools prance off in their blissful wake as long as it makes them feel good? I’m not trying to be to self-help books what Richard Dawkins is to religion (well, maybe a little bit, but only because Dawkins is one of my all-time heroes). I would just like to let it be known that this man here, who calls himself “Master” Zhi Gang Sha, is 1. either a complete crook, or 2. absolutely bloody insane. I’m thinking a good combination of the two.


(The caption was going to say something else, but it was inappropriate for the contents of this public entry.)

Let me start at the very beginning. So Indigo announces that he is going to do a book signing and a talk. We are all rather amused – these author visits are usually rather entertaining. We sell lots of books. It’s all good stuff.

But entertaining doesn’t even cut it here. I don’t know whether I am more amused or more angry. Firstly, this man calls himself a “master”. Master of what? Poor oratorical skills, off-key chanting, failure to stay in one key when chanting? Master of being a general twit? Master of obtaining fans who are completely rude and inept (more on this later)? As you may have deduced, yes, he chanted heartily throughout a good portion of his talk – a chanting, which he tells his transfixed audience, will heal their souls. He begins to chant in absolute gibberish, which he claims is “soul language”, and by jove, the audience is overwhelmed! They are falling for this trash! Now let’s pause here. Heal their souls? On whose authority is he “healing” souls?? What makes him think that anyone wants him meddling with these souls?

Furthermore (and here is where I am absolutely bloody furious and indignant on the behalf of these poor people who sincerely believe that he’s some kind of faith healer), he made it known that people would be blessed for purchasing his crock of rubbish, um, I mean, his books. “Buy a bunch of my books and I’ll bless you”?!?!?!? What absolute blarney. I’ll write a freaking amazing book and go around blessing people and become rich. Marvellous. God, could he be any more of a charlatan? You know, if you were really sincere about being a charlatan, at least be a wicked cool one like Rasputin. THE WORST PART? People bought it. People bought books. People wanted to be blessed by this madman, this crook, this ridiculous caricature of all those evangelical pastors and New Age spiritual kooks put together. People came down to the cash desk absolutely raving about how he changed their life.

People are so stupid they’re willing to believe anything they want to believe. Twats Self-help authors like these simply capitalize on that knowledge and scam them out of hard-earned money just so that they can feel like there’s some sort of purpose to their miserable existences. If you can’t feel like your life has a purpose without having someone chanting and telling you that they’re going to save your soul, you should probably re-evaluate your priorities in life. The charlatans are opportunists, the gullible are willing victims.

That aside, I dropped off my two weeks’ notice for the library. I’ve been paging for over two years, it’s time to move on. Screw having a real job, I guess I should go pen up a colourful book on healing souls and go make a fortune.

P.S. regarding his fans? Some of them are so incredibly rude. One man came up to us and was practically shouting, “You don’t know who he is, you don’t know what he’s done, you don’t know!” Oh dear sir, I’m afraid I -do- know what he’s done, what he’s doing, he’s an absolute crook; it appears to me that YOU are the one who’s lost the plot.

Categories
Careers / Work Miscellaneous

#034: Too adorable.

Currently listening to: “Lying in the Dark” – Pushing Daisies OST

Since the end of semester, between my two jobs, I’ve been practically working full-time. At Indigo, getting trained to do cashier work has provided me with ample opportunities for witnessing chortle-worthy events, resulted in me dealing with potentially aggravating customers, and despite all the madness and long line-ups (oh, Christmas shopping…) it is all quite entertaining. But when it comes down to it, the adorable small child with some sort of bumbling whimsical charm always manages to brighten up my day.

Presenting the latest in such escapades. Yesterday, a little boy of about six came toddling up to the cash desk, holding two quarters in his hands.

Kid: I have TWO quarters.
Me: Mmmmmmhmmm.
Kid: (holding up stocking stuffers) How much is this?
Me: (after scanning aforementioned item) $4.99
Kid: Oh…That’s too much.
(Kid walks away, and comes back with box of toys.)
Kid: This is 25 cents!
Me: No it’s not. It’s $12.95.
Kid: No, it says here it’s 25 cents!
Me: No, it says that there are 25 pieces in it!
Kid: Oh. (pause) So how much is it?
Me: $12.95.
Kid: So…how many quarters is that?

AWWWW.

Categories
Careers / Work Miscellaneous

#029: In The Night Garden…creepy shiznit!

Currently listening to: “Maurice au bistro” – Les Cowboys Fringants

So most of you know that I work at Indigo. Work is always delightful; usually, it’s a complete laugh, and the books we get in are moderately decent, for the most part. Except on rare occasions. The other day at work, I was shelving a bunch of children’s books, and they were the scariest things I’ve ever had the misfortune to lay eyes upon. I am speaking of the “In The Night Garden” book series, also a BBC (gasp!) children’s television show. These books are some of the most disturbing things I have ever seen in my life, and I am downright opposed to the sale of these books. Why are they igniting such a radical flame of anger in me, you may inquire? LET ME TELL YOU.

Firstly, the book characters are bloody creepy. Let me direct your attention to some of the book covers:

Secondly, who named these characters? Igglepiggle? Upsy Daisy?? Ninky Nonk?!?!? Good god, this is bizarre.

Thirdly, I decided to read the books. Don’t judge by a rubbish cover and whatnot.
You know what? If the covers look anything like that, go ahead and judge, because the content’s not much better. Let me summarize the plot of one of the books I skimmed through – “Upsy Daisy loves the Ninky Nonk”:

here for your viewing pleasure.

So. Plot summary. The Upsy Daisy roams the forest, kissing wildlife and plant varieties indiscriminately. The Ninky Nonk, a train (?!?!) shows up, and is sad. Upsy Daisy kisses the train and it cheers up. Everyone is happy and goes to sleep.

What kind of message is this sending out to impressionable young children? In the guise of cheery (uh…think utterly frightening) creatures (occasionally nude, in the case of one particular character), I would see this to be the rampant spread of promiscuity among the young. Small children will roam around thinking it’s perfectly alright to emulate any of the above activities, including (but not limited to) kissing public transport. Honestly.

Fourthly, the television series is even worse, if possible.
PART ONE of “The Ninky Nonk Adventure”. I can’t follow the train of thought, or plot, if any. Just watch it. Seriously. You’ll understand my reaction after viewing such an abomination.

I ought to be studying for finals now, by the way.
Ta for now.

Categories
Academic Careers / Work Miscellaneous

#027: Multiple orders of business!

Currently listening to: “Foux de Fafa” – Flight of the Conchords

hello, I am Mary, hear me ramble.

Order of Business Numero UNO:
HEY JAYNE, I HEAR YA. The first thing you learn in Arts One is that you can’t write. Not even for change, baby. Not even Plato can save you. You’re in the cave. And you can’t get out. But I digress, as usual.

Order of Business Numero DEUX:
Twelve-year-olds, IT’S OKAY. You can RELAX. The world is not coming to an end. Yes, the Twilight movie is coming out. IT IS SERIOUSLY ALRIGHT. Don’t forget to breathe. (Or you know…don’t…let’s see…uhm.)

And on the same note, is there any real good reason why is Indigo selling Twilight t-shirts? What are we, the Gap? American freaking Eagle? Are we going to sell out and become the TNA of the book industry? Are we going to start selling tank tops for $50 – NO. WAIT.

I will rephrase that.

It’s really not our fault. We sell books. We’re just doing our job. BUT Twilight has blown out of proportion. A faintly entertaining novel with great potential to be read aloud in a sarcastic manner has been seized and taken hostage by the movie industry, as usual. I actually found the books quite entertaining. I had nothing against them in particular. In typical consummate Hollywood style, the industry is just so desperate to latch onto the next kids’ bestseller, make it into a movie featuring some unknowns, and market their end product (“I’d rather die than stay away from you”? “You are my life now”? WTF? Aren’t they like, seventeen???) to aforementioned hyperventilating twelve-year-olds, rendering themselves, and the kids, absolutely incomprehensible to polite society.

Even more puzzling to me are the 40-year-old women who read the books. I can’t quite imagine why, unless you were a highly worried parent wondering what sort of madness has stricken your poor and unfortunate child in throes of Twilightmania.

Order of Business, Numero TROIS:
T’is the season for wellies!!!!!!!!!

With that, I shall leave you now.
Ta, till the next time!

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