I got a cold a couple days ago so I have, for the most part, been house-ridden since the weekend. Last night I took some PM medication to help me sleep, so when I woke up I wasn’t completely aware of everything. I checked my email and discovered that I had been rejected from the UBC Creative Writing Program. Suffice it to say, failing at your dream is really hard to handle when you can’t breathe out of your nose. After about five minutes of shock followed by half an hour of crying I have put my entire self into moving forward. I will major in English. I will work harder than I ever have, and I will not stop writing. In order to do so, I am going to go air out everything while the wounds are still fresh, followed by my goals for the future.
The bad: I don’t know why I was not accepted. I got an A in the introductory class, I put so much of myself into the works I submitted, but it still was not good enough. I cannot afford to stay enrolled in UBC an extra year, so I cannot reapply. This was my one chance and I lost it. I regret not pouring more of myself into my cover letter, not making my short story at least a page longer, and submitting my application at the last minute. I could have tried harder. This was my dream and I did not do everything I could to make it happen. This hurts.
The goals: I will become an English major. I will do all the readings. I will get to know my profs and my peers, and I will make the best out of this new path. I will not give up writing, no matter how hard it is to suck it up and put the pen back on the paper. I will read books. I will memorize poems. I will take pride in my major because I am worth it. I am worthy of success. I will not forget this fact.
There is so much to be said about everything happening for a reason and closing doors and opening windows but none of that matters now. I did not get into Creative Writing. That is on me. I will not let this one failure allow me to fade from this world because I was made for something better, something bigger, and I can make that happen.
I will not give up on my dream.