Categories
Careers / Work Financal International Personal Spirituality

Prove Them Wrong

I have recently fallen into what feels like an endless slump of job hunting and looking for a major. The lack of opportunities for international students on the UBC Careers website as of late has been rather disheartening. I know that there are less of us here now that it is the summer, but those who are have far less opportunities for employment than domestic students. I want to work on campus. I am a good worker. I just wish there were more opportunities for me to prove that.

When it comes to majors, people have told me that I just just reapply to Creative Writing next year, but no one seems to realize that it is a two year program and I can’t afford an extra year here at UBC as an international student. Our tuition is four times that of a domestic student. That one extra year would costs just as much as a domestic student’s entire undergraduate degree. I cannot take out another loan for that, I cannot ask my parents to share that burden with me.

It is incredibly difficult to give up your passion and move on to something else…especially when nothing else fits perfectly. Regardless, I am considering English Lit (if I can’t write books, I might as well study them). Choosing this major requires a certain amount of faith in my ability to gain admission into the program, as I would not find out if I was accepted until November 30th, after the withdrawal date for Term 1. If I were rejected, it would lead to being enrolled in courses to serve a major that is not mine, which would be incredibly frustrating. I just have to have faith in myself, no matter how difficult that is right now.

My mantra has recently become “prove them wrong” because that is all that is really driving me to get up and try everyday. I should have got in to the Creative Writing Program. I am good enough to succeed as a writer. I may not be taking the express route, but I will get there one day. It is my dream.

Categories
Academic Personal Spirituality Wellness

Rejected

I got a cold a couple days ago so I have, for the most part, been house-ridden since the weekend. Last night I took some PM medication to help me sleep, so when I woke up I wasn’t completely aware of everything. I checked my email and discovered that I had been rejected from the UBC Creative Writing Program. Suffice it to say, failing at your dream is really hard to handle when you can’t breathe out of your nose. After about five minutes of shock followed by half an hour of crying I have put my entire self into moving forward. I will major in English. I will work harder than I ever have, and I will not stop writing. In order to do so, I am going to go air out everything while the wounds are still fresh, followed by my goals for the future.

The bad: I don’t know why I was not accepted. I got an A in the introductory class, I put so much of myself into the works I submitted, but it still was not good enough. I cannot afford to stay enrolled in UBC an extra year, so I cannot reapply. This was my one chance and I lost it. I regret not pouring more of myself into my cover letter, not making my short story at least a page longer, and submitting my application at the last minute. I could have tried harder. This was my dream and I did not do everything I could to make it happen. This hurts.

The goals: I will become an English major. I will do all the readings. I will get to know my profs and my peers, and I will make the best out of this new path. I will not give up writing, no matter how hard it is to suck it up and put the pen back on the paper. I will read books. I will memorize poems. I will take pride in my major because I am worth it. I am worthy of success. I will not forget this fact.

There is so much to be said about everything happening for a reason and closing doors and opening windows but none of that matters now. I did not get into Creative Writing. That is on me. I will not let this one failure allow me to fade from this world because I was made for something better, something bigger, and I can make that happen.

I will not give up on my dream.

Categories
Academic Careers / Work Financal Personal Wellness

Life Haikus

I keep trying to update because it has most certainly been too long, but each time I right a really long-winded post that goes nowhere, thus I have decided to compose some haikus about where my life is right now.

1.
Creative Writing
my eyes glued to my inbox
“no new messages”

2.
unemployment bites
Work Study jobs exclude me
my wallet empties

3.
anthropology
I now love humanity
brothers and sisters

4.
I missed reading books
up all night, lost in Wicked
I find childhood

5.
summer wonderland
our minds climb over mountains
we sleep in the trees

6.
Maximilian
he holds my heart in a cup
as he cooks dinner

My life feels rather fragile at the moment.

Categories
Personal Wellness

The Taiga Shifted Strange

I have been itching to write this post for quite awhile now, I’ve just been completely wrapped up in my Application for the Creative Writing Program.  Well that was submitted this morning, and now I finally have some time to tell you about the most recent release of my favorite band EVER, The Decemberists.

The Hazards of Love!

In case you can’t make it out through all the sticks, it’s called The Hazards of Love, and it’s a ROCK OPERA! That’s right, a freakin rock opera, and it’s dark and twisted and oh so beautiful.  There is no right way to listen to it except all the way through, track one to track seventeen.  It sounds like one long and well composed song, as it tells the story of a girl named Margaret and her love, William, a shapeshifter that impregnates her.  It is hard to get the entire story on the first play through, but with every listen you hear more and more and you come to realize how brilliantly this album was put together.

Max and I each have our favorite songs, I like the more harmonic ones, such as “Won’t Want for Love (Margaret in the Taiga)” and “The Wanting Comes in Waves / Repaid” while Max prefers the harder rock songs, like “The Queen’s Rebuke / The Crossing.” I don’t know how familiar you are with the Decemberists, but if you had heard anything by them, keep in mind that this is a slightly different sound.  They seemed to have reached an intense level of complexity and perfection when it comes to composition; the songs all flow into each other beautifully and the music helps you create the scenes in your mind. It certainly is a rock opera, and while it is different, it is also incredibly good.  This album has made me love the Decemberists all the more.

I definitly recommend you check this record out if you like anything by the Decemberists.  If you haven’t heard of the Decemberists before, check out their myspace and see if they are up your alley.  If you like Death Cab for Cutie, Rilo Kiley, Feist, Neutral Milk Hotel, Damien Rice, or Bright Eyes, you should like the Decemberists.

That is all.

Categories
Personal Wellness

Shining Star, No Matter Who You Are

Just in case you needed something to procrastinate with, I present to you an immensly fun and interesting Japanese game:

If you will just click here…

The goal is to find the star in each level. Your means of finding it change with each level, so you have to think outside the box.
…Max and I caught that flu that has been going around. I am going to make soup now.

Categories
Personal

Decemblog! 22/31 – Muddy Buddies

Here’s a recipe I made today, it’s one of my favorites, though I am not sure if you can find the main ingredient, Chex Cereal, in Canada. Anyway, here it is:

Chex Muddy Buddies

Ingredients:
9 cups Corn Chex®, Rice Chex®, Wheat Chex® or Chocolate Chex® cereal (or combination)
1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
1/2 cup peanut butter
1/4 cup butter or margarine
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 1/2 cups powdered sugar

Preparation

  1. Into large bowl, measure cereal; set aside.
  2. In 1-quart microwavable bowl, microwave chocolate chips, peanut butter and butter uncovered on High 1 minute; stir. Microwave about 30 seconds longer or until mixture can be stirred smooth. Stir in vanilla. Pour mixture over cereal, stirring until evenly coated. Pour into 2-gallon resealable food-storage plastic bag.
  3. Add powdered sugar. Seal bag; shake until well coated. Spread on waxed paper to cool. Store in airtight container in refrigerator.

It is so easy to make and it tastes amazing. Seriously, this is one addictive party favor.

Original recipe can be found here.

Categories
Personal Spirituality

Decemblog! 21/31 – Gifts from the Heart

I spent my day wrapping presents for friends, family, and Max, of course. It’s weird, I have got him quite a few gifts, but none of them really seem perfect. I hope I can find that perfect present before I find my way to Toronto.

I have received quite a few gifts in my life that were perfect, from the very expensive to the very cheap. I was thinking about them as I wrapped the presents, and I think I will list them here. From most expensive to least:

My Education
When I decided I wanted to go to UBC I knew the price tag was more than a little steep. At $20,000+ a year, I knew I would be putting my parents and myself into aboutl $100,000 of debt by the end of my degree. My parents could have easily told me no. They could have told me to go to the only other school I got into, Cal State Monterey Bay, which was cheaper, but not at all for me. Instead they supported me, they shouldered the debt, and they asked I do the best I can. For this I am incredibly grateful, and though I know I will be paying off this education for a good part of my life, I am thankful for the chance to attend my dream school.

My First Laptop
I got my first laptop from my dad for Christmas when I was still in high school. I remember I had received less presents than the rest of the family and I was worried that something was wrong. Then they pulled out the box, which was hidden behind some other presents, and told me to open it last. I was so shocked when I realized what it was, which doesn’t happen to me very much, as I tend to ruin my surprises.

My Tiffany’s Heart Bracelet
I got this from Max last year for our first Christmas together. It is one of those shiny silver heart bracelets from Tiffany’s that feel heavy and cool on your wrist. I had never gotten jewelery from a boy, and it made me so giddy. Granted, I didn’t realize what it was, even though it was in a tiny blue box with white ribbon…sometimes I make a terrible girl. I still wear the bracelet almost every day.

My MacGyver Toolbox
I got this as a graduation gift from a friend who refers to herself as the Female MacGyver. It is a toolbox filled with everything from a turkey baster to tube socks to paper clips. This has come in handy more than I ever guessed it would, especially in dorm life. We have used the turkey baster during a dishwasher flood, the paper clips to fix the toilet and hold up the cuffs of my jeans when it rains, and the tube socks to keep our feet warm when the heating cuts out. Clearly a lot of thought and effort was put into this gift, and I am incredibly thankful for it.

My Rainy Day Books
I came up with the idea of a Rainy Day Book when I was compiling a list for my birthday. I needed something to remember my friends by as I moved across the globe. A Rainy Day Book is something someone else makes for you, usually a notebook or journal, filled with pictures, poems, quotes, drawings, anything creative to remind you of the time you spent together. It is called a Rainy Day Book because you can look at it when you are sad and missing that person to cheer you up again. So far I have recieved three such books and I treasure them dearly.

Coloring Books
Ever since I can remember, my grandma has included a coloring book and crayons in my Christmas stocking. It is always a generic coloring book, with pictures of cartoon fish and dogs and such, and I love coloring in it. This is a tradition that makes me smile, one I plan to carry on to my own kids when the time comes along.

Really, every gift I recieve is special in its own right. These are just a handful of the ones that made me smile, ones I still cherish and remind me of the person who gave them to me. I hope this holiday yeilds more of the same.

Categories
Personal

Decemblog! 18/31 – Trrrrrrrrrravel

Gah. I really don’t like flying sometimes.

Vancouver – Chicago
Chicago – Washington DC

Total Travel Time = 6.5 hours

Total Sleep in the Past 24 Hours = 4 hours

…going to bed now.

It’s good to be back in the states.

Categories
Personal

Decemblog! 17/31 – Going Home

My flight leaves at 2pm Thursday afternoon. Getting a cab is kind of bugging me, but I think it will go okay.

Today I cleaned, changed Ferdinand’s water, and mailed my Christmas cards out. I miss Maximilian.

Categories
Personal

Decemblog! 16/31 – Post-Exam Season

Post-Exam Season is:

  • Spending four hours on Christmas cards, but failing to remember to mail them every time you leave the house
  • Realizing that all those things you planned to do when school was over (like wash your bedding, reorganize your closet, give your room a good cleaning) are even harder to get done when you have nothing else to do.
  • Going brain dead from trying to unlock everything in Super Smash Bros. Brawl
  • Eating far too much ice cream and not going to the gym because it’s cold outside
  • Waking up at 4pm, going to bed at 6am
  • Wandering around the village/residence/campus and marveling at how freaking empty it all is
  • Packing your suitcase for home 4 hours before your flight leaves
  • Having 7 of your friends decide to all randomly drop by….at the same time.
  • Doing the laundry at 4am, while it snows
  • Checking for your grades every five minutes, even though you know that they haven’t posted yet
  • Not being ready for your boyfriend to go home yet.

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