Categories
Academic Personal

Lady Lazarus

I have been spending my break between classes on Youtube, having just discovered something that causes me more joy than I ever could have imagined. Recordings of Syliva Plath, my most favorite poet, reading some of her poems. My poetry teacher plays these sorts of things in class, but I never knew that they could be so accessible…even now, as I type, I can hear her beautiful and elaborate voice as it dances over “The Stones”

I understand that to draw this much joy and awe from such a recording makes me even more of a poetry nerd. Think of it as if your favorite book stood up and read itself to you. The poems almost transform as they cross her lips, and I am left, dumbfounded and terribly absorbed in it all. I’m sorry if this post comes out in chunks, I’m just having trouble sharing with you what this is like…

maybe you should just see for yourself.

Here is “Daddy” , “The Applicant” , “Lady Lazarus” , “The Stones” , and “Ariel”

Categories
Personal ResidenceLife

This is just to say…

Just about an hour ago,

Max and I baked our first loaf of bread together in our tiny, tiny oven.

…and it was delicious.

Categories
Personal Spirituality

Poetry

I think in the deepest, darkest, little spot in the core of both my heart and soul I am a poet. I can spend hours pouring over the work of Plath and Eliot, trying not to cry from the truth and beauty hidden in all those little stanzas and words. I simply cannot shut up in Poetry class, and I walk around afterward, lost in a haze of meter and rhyme. Sometimes little quips hop into my head and stay there, so I pace about repeating them aloud, seeing how I can tweak them (for an example, see this entry). I understand that, while I can be a poet, I cannot make my life as a poet. This is disheartening. Sure, I can teach English, which would include some poetry, or I could just forget my lofty little dream and move on to advertising or law and make lots of money, which I might do from necessity and drive. I’m still not even sure what I am majoring in…

What I do know is that this blog is mine, just as this passion is mine, and I have decided to combine them thusly. And so, from now on, every now and then, I will be posting some of my poetry. You don’t have to read it, you don’t have to tell me it is awesome or terrible, or anything like that. I just want to express what is inside me while I still have an outlet to do so.

So, to start, here is Scattered.

He lives a life of questions with no answers,
ideas bigger than this narrow little house,
with stairs that curse like they might do you in.
His thoughts are reflective,
fireworks across the night sky of his mind
equations I could never comprehend.
Sometimes he talks.
I listen with my mind a little in the trees,
I wish there was more I could say
My thoughts are scattered across the floor.

Categories
Personal Spirituality Wellness

Year One

As of today, Max and I have been together for one year. I am the single luckiest, and happiest person in the world from that fact alone. It hasn’t been easy, but it has been fun. I love him more than I ever thought I could love a person, and I owe it all to UBC, and Blog Squad especially.

Then:

Max and I, just days after first meeting, one year ago.
Max and I, just days after first meeting, one year ago.

Now:

Max and I in Washington DC this summer.
Max and I in Washington DC this summer.

I can honestly say that I have never been happier.

Categories
Personal Recreation ResidenceLife

Internet Itinerary

So while I have been spending most of my days waiting for my loans to process, I have also been applying for on campus jobs (via the fabulous UBC Careers Website), as well as scholarships (via Fastweb), while all of that is fine and dandy and neccessary I have also been spending some time on a few random websites that are worth a visit if you are stuck in the boredom of the pre-school wait. They are as follows:

  • Not Always Right (http://notalwaysright.com/) – This is basically a collection of funny/stupid customer quotes gathered from the workers of the world. Many of them are rather funny and it is quite easy to spend an hour clicking through their archives.
  • Improv Everywhere (http://improveverywhere.com/) – The concept of this site is a little difficult to explain, so I’ll just quote the “About Us” on the site: “Improv Everywhere causes scenes of chaos and joy in public places. Created in August of 2001 by Charlie Todd, Improv Everywhere has executed over 70 missions involving thousands of undercover agents. The group is based in New York City.” Basically, they gather a bunch of performers to do Improv in the streets of New York. Here’s my favorite mission so far: Frozen Grand Central.
  • Moodstream (http://moodstream.gettyimages.com/) – I am still not entirely sure what Moodstream is, but I can contest that it is inspiring. The basic idea is you enter how you are feeling and it presents pictures, videos, and sounds to match your mood. You can also have it pick you up or calm you down…it’s quite fun to play with.
  • Tontoko Family (http://www.eyezmaze.com/eyezblog_en/blog/2008/08/tontoko_family.html) – This is just a really strange game that is kind of like guitar hero, but with little people…again, hard to explain but worth checking out.
  • And, finally, The Girl in the Window (http://www.tampabay.com/features/humaninterest/article750838.ece) – this isn’t a game or a cool website, it’s the story of a little girl who was discovered to be a “feral child” at age 7 after being found in a very abusive home. It is sad at times, but very well written and ends on a hopeful note. Well worth the read.

In happy news, Max and I have accepted an offer to live in Marine Drive Residence, in a studio unit. It is a bit small for two people (it comes with a twin bed) but I think we can find a way to manage. So soon you’ll be hearing what that’s like. This should be fun.

Categories
Academic Financal International Personal Preparing for UBC ResidenceLife Wellness

Money Matters

In the past month my family has come upon hard times concerning money and my UBC education. See, it costs a lot to go to UBC as an international student. Just this coming year is going to set me back just under $20,000 dollars, and that is without the cost of living. Last year was just about the same, but I had two separate loans which covered it, and life was good. Only recently have we discovered that those loans do not renew, and we have to reapply for them. Now, if we do and they come through, life is again good, but if they do not, well, I’m looking at a world of difficulty to try and fund my education. This could all result in having to pack up my things and return to the States to attend college where it is more affordable. It is my truest hope that this does not occur, that the loans come through and I can join everyone back on campus once again, but I have to be aware of the possibilities, and I want to tell as many people as I can to do the same.

When it comes to funding your education, at UBC or anywhere else, make sure you put a lot of though into how much money you will need and where that money is coming from. Don’t forget the cost of housing, on campus or off, of food, books, and anything else you may need. If you receive a loan make sure you know the parameters of the loan, whether it depends on credits or grades, if it renews or not. Know how you will pay for everything.

And don’t make the mistake I made. Don’t take your parents or their money for granted, appreciate the opportunity they are giving you, and do all you can to make sure that that opportunity is not in vain. Study hard, don’t give in to too many parties, and work if you can.

It is my dearest hope that things come through for me and for my life at UBC, this has been my dream for quite awhile now, and the last thing I want is for it to disappear. But, if it does, I will be forever thankful for the experiences I’ve had and the people I’ve met. I can recover from this. Better people than I have experienced the same situation and moved on to a different life, but a good life nonetheless.

I have hope for the future, and I’ll update about it.

Categories
Personal Wellness

Toronto, Home of the Lazy Sam

Max and I have now found ourselves in Toronto, nestled neatly under the CN Tower, in a narrow little gingerbread house that Max is happy to call home. After our arrival we spent little time getting our bearings, and moved quickly into working on the attic, the room which we have decided to take as ours, since it’s about the biggest room in the house, and had only been used for storage. It took about two weeks, to take all the junk out, bit by bit, paint the room two different colors (green and blue!), get a futon, and move things around. It’s still not complete. We have yet to replace the bare bulb with a shiny new lighting fixture, get a new window air conditioner (it gets rather hot up there), and set up the television, so we don’t have to take up the living room to watch The Daily Show. Give it a month, and the attic will be our hang out, not just our room.

Other than that, we’ve been pretty lazy. We go on adventures every now and then. Toronto is a really amazing city, it’s so big with so many different neighborhoods and amazing restaurants. Though, we don’t see tons of it, due to severe financial lacking and an overpowering urge to be lazy bones. I just hope that my summer spent in Toronto is everything a first year summer experience should be, something I can look back on with a smile.

Oh and, 2 weeks to my 19th birthday. Woot!

Categories
Academic Personal Recreation ResidenceLife

Done Done Done

Yesterday I went to my last Arts One seminar. We reviewed for the test, then chatted about what we were doing this summer, next year, when we leave UBC. As I walked out of that seminar and met up with Max, I realized I was done, and while I was proud that I made it this far, I wasn’t all that happy. This was weird for me. Usually, on the last day of school, I am freaking out, making summer plans, getting creative, or at least rewarding myself with an awesome dinner or something. I didn’t do any of that yesterday. I think I figured out why.

I hated high school. It was the bane of my existence. I was pretty good at it, but I only saw it as jumping through the hoops to get to college. We’ll now I am here and I love it. If anything I am sad this year is over because:

  • I’ll miss all my Totem friends! I mean, they are practically my family now that we have lived so close, I am going to miss not hanging out with them this summer.
  • I’ll miss exploring Vancouver. It’s basically one of my favorite cities in the world, of course I am going to miss hopping on the bus to try out a restaurant or window shop.
  • It wasn’t like we worked towards the end of this year. I could have sat at home, missing every day of my classes, and still be able to celebrate this year coming to an end. I’ll be happier when my finals are over.
  • This summer and next year represent a large degree of change for me. I’ll be living with my boyfriend and his family in Toronto this summer. That’s huge! And come next year, Max and I will be finding an apartment and bring my dog up here to live with us. From here out, it’s a whole new adventure.
  • I’ll just miss UBC. I’ll miss the campus, the people, the classes (believe it or not) and the attitude. My heart belongs to Vancouver.

Any way, as Genevieve mentioned in this post, this is the last weekend before silent hours kick in, and I plan on living it up to the fullest! Congrats everyone!

Categories
Personal Recreation Spirituality Wellness

Storm the…Owww…

[NOTE: I apologize that this entry is so terrifyingly long. Storm the Wall was truly epic for me, and I wanted to cover everything that happened from my point of view. This blog may take awhile to read, but, in my opinion, it is worth it. Not because I wrote it, but because of the amount of guts, love, and courage that went into that Wednesday afternoon.]

So last Wednesday was Max’s birthday, I bought him a Swiss Army Knife among a few other things. Following a happy birthday morning, Max and I left for Brock Hall and Storm the Wall.

Our team was made up of four bloggers: Jimmy, Miranda, Victoria, and I as well as the Blog Squad leader, Angeli. Victoria had the task of swimming, Miranda sprinting, Angeli biking, Jimmy running, and me, well I was the wall person…that was all I had to do, just storm the wall. As a background, when the blog squad meeting was happening and Storm the Wall came up, I did not raise my hand to be a part of the team. Blessed with an acute fear of heights and a not-so-prepared-to-storm body, I was completely assured that I couldn’t be an asset to the team. Cory said he was game and they had their five, so I didn’t really think about the issue any further. It was only when the emails circulated later that week saying we needed a sub, just in case someone dropped out. No one volunteered, and I thought to myself “Well, I suppose I could make it over that wall, I mean, they have a system in place for getting over it, and it’s not like anyone is going to drop out anyways.” so I volunteered. It was over the course of the next week that several scheduling conflicts arose and Cory was unable to do it because he had class, it was then that Angeli called me. Next thing I knew I was going to the clinic, and learning the secrets to storming the wall.

To be honest, I wasn’t all that worried about it in the days that lead up to Wednesday. I thought little about it, and when I did, it was just small waves of nervousness, followed quickly by my own reassurance that it wasn’t so bad. I picked out my storming outfit and thought nothing of it until I walked into the student development office that fateful afternoon.

Lucky for us, our Blog Squad t-shirts had just got in, so we all changed into them proudly and posed for a group shot. I asked if I had time to grab a burger from the nearby BBQ, as I hadn’t eaten anything that morning, and found out it was too late, we had to walk to our check in station. “Oh well,” I thought, “the whole race should take like, half an hour, I can get something to eat after that.” Once we checked in, Max and I headed to the wall. All I had to do was wait there for the rest of the team to finish their parts of the race, so I spent my time watching people get over the wall, listening to the guy who was announcing the whole thing, and winning a tiny flashlight from BC Hydro for suggesting using power-saving appliances to conserve energy in the home. As you can tell, I was pretty laid back.

As time moved forward, my teammates began to arrive at the wall. Max took photos and we all hung out, starting to get pumped about the task at hand, the final storm. Soon the four girls had assembled and we all stood about, waiting anxiously for Jimmy to arrive, as soon as he did we all dashed to the wall.

I think Miranda was first over. Yeah, and I was one of the bases. I pressed myself against the wall, trying to be as sturdy as possible as she climbed from our thighs to our shoulders. As soon as she was up we joined together and pushed her feet up, in no time she was over and we all looked at eachother thinking, “We can do this!” Next was Angeli, and I was a base again, she climbed, thigh thigh shoulder shoulder up and over. I was really proud of us. We entered this event as complete amateurs, none of us were all that sporty, yet here we are, getting eachother over that 12-foot wall. It was at this point that it was my turn.

My bracers got up against the wall and I followed the pattern, first the thighs, then the shoulders. I reached my hands up and grabbed Miranda’s wrist, we counted and I was pushed skyward. This is where everything got rather scary, as soon I was hanging by both my hands, feet dangling and kicking against the wall as they tried to hook my arms up top. My biceps burned as I frantically tried to hook my elbows at the top of the wall, as we were trained, but it was all to no avail. Miranda urged me to try and throw my leg up so she could grab it and I just couldn’t. I was in so much pain and was shaking so hard, I begged them to put me down, and they did.

Feeling intensely humiliated I took my place at the bottom and watched as Jimmy was helped over. I then served as a brace for Victoria, but was so shaky and sore that we wound up dropping her. It wasn’t a very long drop, only 2-3 feet, but I felt horrible. Angeli said I should try again and I wanted so badly to make it up to my team, these people that I was so proud of, that I nodded yes.

It was the same song and dance. Thigh Thigh Shoulder Shoulder, I grabbed the wrists of those above me as I was lifted into the air against the wall. There were countless people around me, telling me to be stiff and straight, and I tried, god, I tried, but it still hurt so much. I got so close, throwing my leg as high as I could three times, before I was shaking so hard, that I just wanted to be on the ground. I made the mistake of begging the people up top to let me go, and I slid a good eight feet down the wall before I was caught at the very bottom. I felt like shit.

Now trembling more than I think I ever have in my entire life, I watched as Victoria, our fourth member, made it over the wall, leaving only me to have not made it. Angeli asked me if I wanted to try one more time and I just broke down. Through one of those sobby faces where your chin wrinkles I replied, “no, no.” We then crossed the finish line, and I sat down, crying and apologizing to everyone. I felt hopeless…we were disqualified because I couldn’t make it over. I know that we were just playing for fun, but I wanted so badly to make it over. All I could do was cry and hope that Max would make it over to the finish line soon from where he had been taking pictures.

It was in this bleak and sobby moment that I was approached by a rather large, muscular man who was wearing one of those bright orange safety vests. He worked for UBC Rec, and it kills me that I am unsure of his name…I think it was Dave, and he asked me, “Do you want to get over this wall?” He told me that not one has not made it over the wall yet, and he didn’t want me to be the first. I mustered up all my courage and love for my team and said, in a rather timid voice, “Okay.”

Everything flew by, soon I was at the base of the wall, and the amazing man in the orange safety vest asked me, “Can you hear my voice?” “Yes.” “Good, cause from now on, mine is the only voice you will hear, any other voice will be God’s and that will be because we have dropped you, but we’re not going to do that.” “Okay.” I followed his voice and the pattern, thigh thigh shoulder shoulder, and before I knew it I was locking wrists with the helpers on top and swinging my foot onto the top of the wall.

There was a pause as soon as I got up there, it was probably only a second or two, but all I can remember is not hearing anything at all and thinking “Holy crap. I just made it over the wall.” I climbed down each and every rung down the back of the wall, and hit the ground with such happiness that my knees felt weak, I looked to my right and saw Max behind one of the barriers, smiling at me all proud. I think that made me the happiest.

Following the epic challenge that was Storm the Wall, we reconvened for Strawberry Milk and I finally got a look at my bruises. Thick, purple bands marked the undersides of my arms, where I had tried to hook my elbows and support myself. There were distinct footprints on my thighs and shoulders, and my entire body ached and I couldn’t stop shaking for a good ten minutes. We took some happy end pictures, then headed to lunch.

All in all, I’m happy I did it. I feel a lot closer to my fellow bloggers and UBC itself because next year, and every year after, I’ll be able to look at that wall and know I made it over it. Though I don’t really think I’ll be doing it again.

Categories
Academic Personal Recreation

Sam Speaks Saturdays: It’s Been Awhile

I realize that I am really starting to fail at this whole weekly thing. It’s not on purpose, I swear, I’m just busy and lazy and those don’t mix too well. Anyway. It’s still Saturday and thus I update. What about? (References list on my MacBook’s dashboard) Ah! Books! (Namely my favorite books/authors)

Books:

1984 – George Orwell. First off, I absolutely LOVE dsytopias (which are, basically, novels about the future in which the society is not utopic). In fact, most of my favorite books are dsytopian. Though, I think my favorite would definitly be 1984. I read it about 4 years ago and it rocked my literary world. I seriously did not put the book down and often think about it when I have some time to myself. I would go into the plot, but I don’t want to give a single thing away, so if you haven’t read it, you should consider doing so. It really is an amazing work. Some of my other favorite dystopias are Brave New World, Fahrenheit 451, and The Handmaiden’s Tale.

The Virgin Suicides – Jeffery Eugenides This is a rather depressing novel, but one of my favorites nonetheless. It is made up of a community recollection of a group of five sisters who all committed suicide. The novel was later turned into a movie, which is also one of my favorites. The Virgin Suicides reminds me of another of my favorite books, White Oleander by Janet Fitch. Though the books aren’t all that alike, as White Oleander follows a girl who drifts through foster homes following her mother murdering her ex-boyfriend, the style of the works is very similar and haunting.

Authors

Chuck Palahniuk. Palahniuk (best known for his novel, Fight Club) is definitely my favorite author. I have read every book of his besides Haunted, which I currently own and would have read a long time ago if not for Arts One (which sucks up all of my reading time). I think my favorite book of his would have to be Survivor, with Diary and Choke taking close second. If you’ve read any of his works or seen Fight Club, you know that he has a very twisted style and dark sense of humor, and every book has a twist. I think Palahniuk will continue to be my favorite author into the future, as he never fails to surprise me.

Sylvia Plath. I understand that all of these are following sort of a darker theme, as none of my favorite books or authors are really happy ones, and Sylvia Plath, quite clearly, is no exception. I am a bit obsessed with her, she is my favorite poet and The Bell Jar just feels like a piece of my life. I have read her unabridged journals and memorized her poems, and I like to think that my writing style follows her. I know that Plath committed suicide, and I don’t intend to follow her in that course, but I find her intensely brilliant and sharp and wish I could have met her all that time ago.

So there you have it, I have just scratched the surface of my love for books, and believe me, it took some time and hard work to narrow it down, I’ll probably touch on this one later. Now, back to playing Pokemon and nursing my Storm the Wall bruises. Oh, about the Storm the Wall, expect a post on that in the very near future! (It was epic!)

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