Peer Review of Formal Report Draft
Peer Reviewer: Sydney Dunn
Author: Meera Patel
Date: August 17th 2020
Document: Comparative Analysis of Consumer Engagement Techniques and their Feasibility with Add-On Selling Procedures at London Drugs (draft)
Dear Meera,
Thank you for sharing the draft of your formal report with me. It was a pleasure to read your preliminary ideas. The report is overall very well organized and should only continue to improve as you add content. Here are some comments and suggestions organized by section.
Abstract
This section is currently not completed. The peer review will be updated when this section is updated.
Introduction
Organization:
The overall organization is clear and effective. Each subsection is clearly outlined and flows well. The use of headings and subheadings is very effective.
Content:
The introduction effectively introduces the content of report and provides beneficial background information that supports the readers understanding.
The examples used for “Techniques of Add-on Selling” are quite helpful in understanding both the technique and their relevance in London Drugs. However, the “Non-profit/Charity” subheading would benefit from either a brief explanation of how this contributes to the company’s bottom line or could be eliminated entirely. This is because it does not feel as connected to a selling technique as the others so clarifying could help the reader follow its value through the rest of the report.
Language and Grammar:
The writing is concise and clear with an appropriate amount of detail to provide clarity for the reader without feeling text-heavy.
Methodology
Organization:
Adding a brief introductory statement to the methodology will help it be easier to follow as you begin to list things. An introductory statement would also benefit the “Limitations of Study” section or even rewriting this section as a paragraph.
Content:
The Addition of the “Limitation of Study” is an excellent idea and provides helpful context to the report. This section may be more effective as a paragraph rather than a list.
Language and Grammar:
The list currently maintains an unfinished quality and should be polished for the final copy regardless of which format is maintained for this section.
Data Section
This section is currently not completed. The peer review will be updated when this section is updated.
Conclusion
This section is currently not completed. The peer review will be updated when this section is updated.
Appendix
Organization:
The organization of the Appendix is very straightforward which makes it easy to follow.
Content:
Including the survey questions will likely appear more helpful when the data section is complete so the reader may refer to them for additional information.
Language and Grammar:
There are no obvious errors or concerns in this section.
Glossary
This section is currently not completed. The peer review will be updated when this section is updated. However the inclusions of this section is helpful for the reader who may otherwise be unfamiliar with some of the terminology used in the report.
References
This section is currently not completed. The peer review will be updated when this section is updated.
I hope that you find these comments helpful as you move forward with completing your report. Please do not hesitate to reach out should you have any questions.
Peer Review of Web Application Package
To: Matthew De Rose
From: Sydney Dunn
Date: August 15th 2020
Subject: Peer Review of Web Application
Dear Matthew,
It was a pleasure to read through your Web Application Package. Your cover letter and resume are very strong and outline and impressive variety of experiences and skills. Please find below some minor suggestions for each section.
Cover Letter
Organization:
The letter is well organized. Leading with an introduction to why you are interested in the position and the company adds to the sincerity of the letter. The overall organization appropriately emphasizes your relevant experiences while highlighting additional skills developed elsewhere.
Missing from the letter is a header or sender’s address with your name and information. You may wish to consider adding one that matches the attached resume for visual consistency.
Content:
The content of the letter appropriately adds detail to professional experiences outlined on the resume while being catered to the skills outlined in the job posting.
The emphasis is rightfully on your most relevant experiences while also highlighting skills developed in previous (and otherwise seemingly unrelated) experiences.
Adding some context to the change in career/field of study may help the reader follow how these experiences connect and why you are applying for this particular position.
Language and Grammar:
Overall the letter reads very smoothly and there are no apparent errors.
In the second paragraph, the lists of programming languages could be minimized for smoother reading. As they appear later in the resume under each relevant experience they will still be seen by the reader. Alternately, they could be summarized later in the paragraph.
Resume
Organization:
The overall organization of the resume is clear and easy to follow.
Taking advantage of the two page maximum by adding more spacing may help the text feel less dense and easier to read.
Content:
The experiences and skills outlined by the resume connect well to the skills and requirements outlined in the job posting.
Adding some additional information under the education section may help provide additional context to your shift in studies.
Language and Grammar:
The resume is well edited with no visible errors. All sentences and descriptions read smoothly.
Reference Requests
Organization:
Each letter is well organized and follows the outlined format.
Content:
Each letter appropriately outlines why you are requesting the reference while maintaining the “you-attitude” for the individual recipient.
Language and Grammar:
Overall the letters read smoothly and there are no glaring errors.
The spacing between the second and third paragraphs in the second letter is slightly off likely due to being copied and pasted from the previous letter. Checking details like this before submitting the final copy will be important.
Conclusion
This application package is well catered to the selected job posting. My general suggestions include:
-paying attention to spacing on the resume and between paragraphs of the letters to maintain and smooth reading experience
-minor content adjustments to minimize choppiness of the cover letter
If you have any questions about any of my comments please do not hesitate to reach out.
Response
Earth’s Own Food Company Inc.
P.O. Box 3018
Vancouver BC, V6B 3X5
July 27th, 2020
Great Dane Coffee
6011 Walter Gage Road
Vancouver, BC, V6T 0B4
Attn: Response to Order Mistake
Dear Sydney Dunn,
Thank you for reaching out regarding the error in Great Dane Coffee’s most recent order from Earth’s Own. Please accept our apologies for any impact this may have had on your business. We understand the product you received was not up to the standard you have come to expect from us.
As Great Dane Coffee has already opened the box and used some of the product we are unable to exchange the product at the time of your next order. Instead we are able to offer a refund on that particular order and have made a note in your customer file to help ensure Great Dane Coffee always receives the barista version of our oat milk.
In future, should you ever have a concern about your oder please do not hesitate to call us at 000-000-0000 so that we may address it as efficiently as possible. It has been a pleasure to supply your coffee shop and have our product featured in your beverages.
Sincerely,
Fictional Name
Earth’s Own Company Inc.
Complaint Letter
Great Dane Coffee
6011 Walter Gage Road
Vancouver, BC, V6T 0B4
July 27th, 2020
Earth’s Own Food Company Inc.
P.O. Box 3018
Vancouver BC, V6B 3X5
Attention: Distribution Manager
I am writing this on behalf of Great Dane Coffee to bring an error in our order to your attention. Great Dane Coffee has been using Earth’s Own product as our oat milk of choice for several months. We have always been pleased with the consistency of the product and how its flavour compliments our coffee.
I understand that we are experiencing unprecedented circumstances that may be impacting Earth’s Own’s ability to fulfill orders as consistently. In our most recent order, instead of receiving the barista version of your oat milk as we had ordered we received the regular consumer unsweetened oat milk. We have decided to try using the milk but this change greatly impacts the product we are serving. I have enclosed the order confirmation sheet below for your convenience.
We hope that this error can be avoided in future and that the unused cartons can be exchanged with the next order. Although this is a relatively minor error, Great Dane Coffee relies on consistent milk deliveries from all of its providers during our busiest months. Thank you for taking the time to consider the concerns I have presented, I am looking forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
Sydney Dunn
Great Dane Coffee Senior Staff and Barista
Enclosed: *hypothetical order receipt*
Memorandum
To: Erika Paterson
From: Sydney Dunn
Date: July 10th 2020
Subject: Formal Report Progress
As outlined in section 2:3 of ENGL 301, this is my progress report for the formal report assignment.
I have identified the intended audience to be Andrew Mckee, the owner of Great Dane Coffee. This report serves investigate ways of improving the consistency and quality of Great Dane’s Instagram content. Improving this content should increase traffic and engagement therefore connecting more potential customers with the business.
My research plan is as follows:
-Observe Great Dane’s current Instagram activity
-Create survey questions as outlined in the enclosed document
-Implement survey, conduct interviews, and complete any supplemental academic research
-Experiment with changing the content and posting schedule of the Instagram, observing changes in engagement
-Analyze changes in engagement in conjunction with survey responses
My writing schedule will be as follows with room for adjustment as needed:
July 19th – Introductory segments including background research and initial observations
July 22nd – Analysis of initial survey responses
July 29th -Observation of results of content adjustments
July 31st – Analysis of remaining data
Enclosed: SydneyDunn_ReportPrep
Peer Review of Definitions Assignment
To: Meera Patel
From: Sydney Dunn
Date: June 10th, 2020
Subject: Review of Definitions Assignment
I have been reading and reviewing your Unit 1:3 assignment for English 301 and have been thoroughly impressed with your work. I think you have done an excellent job of creating a clear definition of the word “Autarky” in all three definition formats and that they cater well to the reader/audience you have proposed. Here I have included some suggestions for revision:
Organization: In the expanded form of your definition you start very strong by explaining the origins of the word. However, the second paragraph and the connected visual feel far more complex compared to the rest of the definition. I think simply switching the position of this second paragraph with the third paragraph would help clarify this confusion. This way the reader has more detail about how an autarky functions before learning about the more complicated equilibrium.
Visuals/Image: I found it challenging to connect what the graph in your expanded definition was describing. Elaborating on your explanation of the equilibrium and giving more context to the image would help to make this more clear. Clarifying this section would also likely help to illustrate why an autarky is so difficult to accomplish successfully and therefore lead well into the provided example of North Korea’s economy.
Punctuation: There were a couple of sentences throughout the document which could use revision for smoother reading. An example would be the first sentence of the last paragraph in your expanded definition which reads “No country is completely autarkic unless, within a perfect economic model – the nearest real-world example remains North Korea.” Here the comma between “unless” and “within” interrupts the main point of the sentence. This could instead be divided into two separate sentences as “No country is completely autarkic unless it is within a perfect economic model” and “The nearest real-world example remains North Korea.”
I hope that you find these suggestions helpful as you revisit your definitions in the future. Overall I think you have successfully written for your selected audience and accomplished the objectives of the assignment. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you have any questions about the comments I have made.
(Original assignment: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-98a-2020sa/2020/06/05/assignment-13/)
Revision of Definitions Assignment
This week’s assignment was to write three different definitions for a relatively complicated word using three different formats. In doing this exercise we would practice writing to different audiences and develop a greater understanding of the important role of definitions.
The term I selected is “contrapposto” which is very common for describing sculptures in Art History. An applicable context for these definitions would be something like a gallery tour where the guide would be giving additional information about the art to the participants.
Parenthetical Definition:
Contrapposto describes how a figure in sculpture balances their weight while standing.
Sentence Definition:
Contrapposto refers to the stance of a figure in sculpture. The figure’s weight is rested on one leg while the other is bent slightly at the knee resulting in a tilt in the hips, shoulders, and head.
Expanded Definition:
Most often employed in formal and visual analysis of an artwork, the term contrapposto is a helpful descriptor for discussing sculpture. Originating from the Italian word for counterpose it suggests the way the figure leans and shifts its weight.
It is most commonly recognized in sculptures from the Ancient Greeks who strived for realistic representation of the human form. Contrapposto offers an alternative to previously static and stiff depictions of the human form and instead gives the illusion of movement to the sculpture.
Figure 1 (Polykleitos’ Doryphoros) demonstrates how the hips, shoulders, and head tilt to follow the distribution of the figure’s weight.
Sources:
Encyclopaedia Britcannica. “Contrapposto.” Editors of Encyclopaedia Britannica, Encyclopaedia Britannica inc., August 5, 2019, https://www.britannica.com/art/contrapposto
Jordan, Courtney. “31 Art Terms to Know for Describing (Your) Art.” Artists Network, https://www.artistsnetwork.com/art-history/art-history-glossary/
Wolfe, Shira. “Agents of Change: How Contrapposto Added Dynamism and Emotion to Art.” Artland, https://magazine.artland.com/agents-of-change-how-contrapposto-added-dynamism-and-emotion-to-art/