By: Haitham Haidar
Where is this all going? Im sitting here, doing everything I have to do and yet I feel
like there’s so much more for me to explore. There are so many people living in this
world and here I am just sitting minding my own business. I need to go see them,
help them learn as they help me do the same. There’s so much to this world that I
don’t even know about: so much beauty, so much hate, so much love and so much
ugliness but im still sitting here, in the safety net that is my room.
Yes I moved from home and that’s already step one in exploring the rest of the
world but I can’t just stop myself at that first step. In order to take step two, I
actually have to keep walking and keep holding on to what I believe I need to be
doing in this world. I love music so much and I can’t imagine my life without it but
does it define me? Is my voice all I have in this world?
What about my relationships with others? How I influence people, if I even do that?
This is it. I need to go see what I can do in this vast sea that I call the unknown world
because there are fish that are swimming in there that I don’t even know about. I am
not alone in this world and I need not only acknowledge that but also indulge in it.
This seems very childish because I could always just leave and “try something new”
but I don’t think it’s my need for change. I’m not bored with where I am, I’m bored
with who I am here. I feel like I’ve made a difference but I’ve been stagnant for a
while and I don’t have the support system I feel I need. That’s no excuse. I shouldn’t
wait for people to push me, I should just go if I really want to. I decide, I make the
change, and hopefully people will witness the difference.
I’m happy, I really am but I strive to be better and to make more of a difference and
I might have just reached my capacity where I am. This may cause a problem when I
finally settle down with a family somewhere….I can’t keep moving right? I probably
won’t have to. Being with someone who understands what I want out of myself in
this life will probably help a lot with this whole shindig. What is most important is
for me to feel useful to someone or even to myself.
I will make it. I am driven and I am a hardworker and that will all pay off.
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