Assignment 2.1
For this assignment, I had the opportunity to peer review Emily Leung’s formal report proposal, entitled: “Enhancing Collaboration among Sustainability-related Groups at UBC.” Her proposal was detailed, engaging, and clearly showed her qualification to research this subject.
Peer Review for: Emily Leung
Peer Review by: Andree Coschizza, 
Date: October 15, 2019
Peer Review of: Formal Report Proposal – Enhancing Collaboration among Sustainability-related Groups at UBC
First Impressions
Thank you for allowing me to read your proposal on enhancing collaboration among sustainability-related groups at UBC. This proposal is engaging and seems well tailored to your experience. While there is lots of information and many excellent points, an initial impression is that the proposal is quite wordy, and it would be advisable to use more concise sentences. Overall however, good job!
Layout and Design
The proposal layout is logical and consistent with the example in “Technical Communication.” The individual sections make a very clear proposal and all thoughts are very well organized. Below are brief comments concerning each section:
- Introduction
This area provides good background information on the topic, particularly regarding the many problems groups face while planning events. There is a clear acknowledgement of the intended audience and the information provided is sufficient even for a general audience. However, not all of the information is necessary to understand the topic at hand. For example there are numerous lists in the beginning paragraphs that are unessential to the audience’s understanding (ex. paragraph 1 sentence 3, paragraph 2 sentence 1) . This not only creates wordiness, but makes the first few paragraphs difficult to read. Eliminating these types of sentences, or switching up sentence structure, would make the report more concise and comprehensible.
- Statement of a Problem
These paragraphs effectively outline the problem of collaboration among sustainability-related groups. Particularly, organizing the problem into three parts is an effective tactic that allows that audience to fully grasp how these groups are affected. Similar to the Introduction, there is similar “listing” type sentence structure here. Since the types of events were already listed in the first sentence of paragraph two, it is unnecessary to list them again here.
- Proposed Solution
This part of the report was very well written. A calendar is a great solution to this problem and having both private and public calendars will serve both the club leaders and interested students. It is a unique perspective that the report focuses not only on avoiding similar events between groups, but on promoting collaboration between topics. Well done!
- Scope
The scope of this proposal fully encompasses the problem. These questions provide adequate information to analyze and consider all aspects of the event planning process. Additionally, gathering information on what a public calendar would entail would enhance the report. Otherwise, this scope encompasses all the data that a final report will require.
- Methods
This area of the proposal is very concise and well written. Conducting both surveys and interviews will gather an abundance of data from a variety of resources.
- Qualifications
This is an impressive section that clearly outlines your experience in both event planning and sustainability groups on campus. Due to your involvement with UBCC 350, you seem very qualified to determine an effective solution. Nice work!
- Conclusion
The conclusion of the report very nicely wraps up the proposal. It echoes the information already stated and prompts the reader for action.
Grammar and Expression
Overall, the expression of this proposal shows knowledge on the subject and instills confidence in the reader that a solution can be implemented. In terms of grammar and expression, there are a few minor recommendations:
- Using a variety of sentence types in the first four paragraphs will make the report more clear (for example, breaking up the “listing” type sentences with other sentence structures)
- Using more concise language and eliminating unnecessary commas will create a more formal tone
- For example, in the last sentence of paragraph six, instead of, “Because groups are unaware of what others are organizing, their ability to coordinate and prevent this problem from happening, and collaborate with others with similar visions, is hindered, ” one could say, “Due to a lack of communication, clubs are ineffective in coordinating and collaborating on events.”
- The last paragraph of the Introduction has some awkward sentences (for instance, using “well-positioned” as a verb interrupts the flow of the final sentence). Changing this would make that paragraph much more readable.
Thank you for the opportunity to read your report, I very much enjoyed it! It is very well thought out and seems like a very interesting topic to pursue. The only suggestions are those written above, and to potentially research student’s needs in terms of a public calendar. I hope that these are helpful to you when editing! If you have any additional comments or concerns about the suggestions I’ve made, please feel free to contact me.
Best,
Andree
Link to Original Proposal: https://blogs.ubc.ca/engl301-99a-2019wa/2019/10/11/formal-report-proposal-2/