My friends: Lauren, Megan, Katie and myself in the UBC Rose Garden last weekend. This is a shot I took after we finished up a photo shoot. They were nice enough to take time out of their day to be my models for a VISA 183 project. That’s why I’m in TOMS and they are in heels. What lovely folk they are.

∞

Last summer, I was asked to write a letter to myself for me to receive in the mail one year later. This happened before I started university. Last Friday was a little less than a year, but it came. Somehow, for once, I didn’t recognize my own handwriting that spelt out my name and address on the front of the envelope. I opened it, unsure of what was inside, until I saw 5 main goals written on the outside of the folded sheet of paper.

It read,
“GOAL:
BFA Honours -> MFA
Learn French
Starry Night
Be physically fit
Be happy with yourself”

These were the things I cared about the most. I wrote this just a week before I was leaving for UBC last August. I can say that most of those goals are being met. If you are wondering what Starry Night means, that’s a story for another day that I will share with you soon.

There is also what I wrote inside.

“Dear Erica,
I hope that you have found a great love, your passion and all the inspiration in the world. I hope you reach your Top 20 Under 20 goals. I hope you are sleeping about 8 hours a night and physically fit. I wonder what your relationship is like with Trevor. I think I just ended it with him but it’s usually never over. I hope Starry Night took off and the Mob is a huge success. I hope your grades are around 85. I hope AE in Vancouver is great. I hope you found your life long friends. I hope your acne has cleared up. I hope you still listen to Viva Radio & This America Life.

Be honest.
Use your ethical compass.
Focus on your grades.
Live your life.
Be honest some more.
Share everything with Loran.
Go to Disney World.”

Then there are little things I wrote at the bottom of the letter,

“I’m just trying to be me, whoever that is.” – Bob Dylan

“Make someone’s day special. If you aren’t happy -> figure out why and change it.

Love, Erica Baker.”

Under that, it says “Read reverse.” I flip over the paper. I’ve included a five dollar bill and a note.
“Okay so I’m making a little investment. I’m putting it in this envelope  hoping it makes it to the new me in a year. Use it on something you really need. Use it on something that will make you happier. Use it to benefit yourself. You need to be happy. You need to take care of yourself. Love.”

What a perfect time for me to receive this. I only have two more days of class and I’m currently reflecting on my first year of university. Overall, I have achieved what I wanted.

This semester, I finally convinced myself 8 hours of sleep is good. I am now more comfortable with my body and I even have gone to the gym a few times. To add to that, I took pole dancing classes, joined a UBC REC soccer team and played on my floor’s football team. Hannah even took me for a few early morning runs along old NW Marine Drive & took me swimming in the pool.

Trevor. I wanted to go home this summer to be able to be around him. Those plans didn’t work out. We had a good few months of contact in the winter. Christmas break was a lot of fun, it felt like I had never left my hometown and that we hadn’t stopped dating. 5 years is a long time. Now, we don’t talk. We were living a half-relationship half-not sort of thing for a while that was just too stressful on my system. I’ve really grown in five years, and he hasn’t changed, we’re just not the same mix anymore. It’s hard to find things in common besides the past, but he’ll always be someone I want to call “baby.”

I’ve found my lifelong friends. They know who they are. I have 23 photos of one of them on my wall in my dorm room. We counted. I remember laying down on my longboard last October, looking at the night sky, on the roof of the Marine Drive Parkade. I told Alex, who was sitting on his board next to me, that the most important thing for me this year was my friends. In high school, I was so focused in everything that was American Eagle, volunteering, and politics. I’m glad that I’m coming out of this year with the closest friends a girl could ask for. They even read my blog without me forcing them. Guys, thank you.

I’m keeping true to most of the things I mentioned. I listened to some This American Life today, my acne isn’t as bad as it has been in the past, I am very happy with myself, I’ve shown lots of love, and I’ll always remember that if I’m not happy I will figure out why and I will change it.

Thank you Erica from the past, you rock. I’ll save that five dollars for something special.