Archives: Anxiety

I swear I didn’t die…

Even though it feels like it’s been five hundred million years since I last blogged. (It’s been like two weeks)

I’m going to be honest guys, I’m feeling a little down.

Gotta blog about the good AND the bad right?

So here’s my “bad”: I have no idea what I’m doing right now.

I spend a lot of time thinking now a days. Thinking about if I’m in the right courses, in the right faculty, hell, am I even in the right school? There’s so much confusion and insecurity and a lot of feeling lost.

I’m pretty sure it’s totally normal for first years, but it’s still super scary.

It’s scary not knowing what the future will be like, you know? Not knowing whether or not all the effort I put into my classes now will pay off. Not knowing what I’m going to do. Not knowing if what I decide to do is something that will make me happy.

I’m a super indecisive person. I don’t really like to say that one particular thing/career would make me happy. I don’t know what I’m going to do and where I’m going to go and what I’m going to specialize in. I’M VERY CONFUSED.

Then there’s the fact that I used to get good grades in high school. Sure, it’s easy to joke about how I’m just going for a pass, but I’ve never actually felt that I would fail anything. Until first year university. I feel like I had something good going on in high school: great friends, good reputation, good standing with my teachers, super involved. And now I’m here and it’s like the rug has been ripped right out from under me.

I’m here in a place where I have no reputation, where I start fresh. And isn’t that a good thing?

Right now? No. Because no one knows that despite the horrid grades I’m getting, I actually do understand material, I’m just not good at tests. Never was. And so people usually think I’m stupid. And it’s a blow to my ego… And patience (which I already have little of) when people explain things to me thinking I can’t understand simple english.

Later on in the year (aka when I’m not feeling so pessimistic about EVERYTHING?) Yeah. It’ll be good. It’ll be nice to finally have my own self-earned rep. In high school I earned a reputation of being “smart” because my older sister was a super genius and my high school is small and we look the same. Naturally people assumed we had the same brain. (WE DEFINITELY DO NOT). So being in university where no one knows who my sister is or what grades I got, it’s a change.

I’m blogging about this because it’s literally all I keep thinking about. I KEEP THINKING ABOUT THE FUTURE. What the heck am I going to do for the rest of my life? Being a student is all I know. What the heck will happen to me.

YOU GUYS I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON WITH ME. All I wanna do is lay on my couch and watch TV for the rest of my life. …Which is super sad. And would get boring after 2 days. But that’s what I feel like doing.

OKAY OKAY. Positive ending because I don’t want to be a total downer…

It’ll get better. And I know it will. No matter how or when it WILL get better. And if any of you are feeling the same way I am, then you are not alone (and neither am I, yay!) and I swear it’ll get better.

Positivity here I come! … (after the midterms maybe.)

This post was way longer then I thought it’d be. Sorry if I bored you with my somewhat depressing musings.

I want out of this funk asap.

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First Chem Lab: SUCCESS

I didn’t spill anything, break anything or hurt anything! …And when I asked if my percentage result was correct he didn’t say “It was too high/low” like he did to the other people who asked.

Long story short : SUCCESS!

However, the lab did take almost the entire class. It’s important to use your time wisely. Try to do something productive while waiting for water to boil or while heating something in a oven.

Chem labs are kinda like baking.

In a more dangerous, life-threatening way that results in things one can’t eat… BUT STILL!

Tips and Tricks!

  • Make sure you know your material inside and out for the lab.  If you’re not going to know the stuff for your safety… Know it to get a good mark on the quiz! (Just kidding, safety first always)
  • Be ready to go when your lab starts. Sure you might look a little nerdy wearing your lab coat and goggles outside the lab room holding your pencil case, but it really pays off when all you have to do when you get inside is dump your bag in the storage area and write the quiz.
  • Ask the TAs questions! They are there to help! Mine was really friendly, answered my questions clearly and even checked up often to see if we were alright. Don’t worry if TAs scare you, they scare me too. But in a Chem Lab it’s really important to clarify things if you’re confused.
  • Don’t rush! The labs aren’t going to be designed so you can’t finish them. Make sure to think through your steps and do think carefully. Think about both what you’re currently doing and what you will be doing. Sure, it sounds a little scary and overwhelming but you wrote those steps out! You got this!

This is a victory in my books!

One day at a time, guys! Or for me right now, one lab at a time! …One step in a lab at a time? …One victory at a time?

…TAKE IT EASY !

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Is anyone else starting to feel the pressure of midterms?

Midterms? What on earth are you talking about, Kim? Asks the innocent high school student.

MIDTERMS ARE IN OCTOBER NOW, FOOL. GET IT TOGETHER.

I was talking to myself. Not you, because you’re not a fool. Because you’ll be organized and focused and NOT procrastinating making bio notes for your FIRST bio midterm which is… YES, a week from Wednesday.

I think when I’m stressed out about things (coughCHEMISTRYLABcough), my mind likes to wander to other stressful things until I mentally beat myself up to a mush of disappointment on the floor.

BUT WAIT!

I still have two weekends.

So granted I stay focused, I SHOULD be okay.

My mind is beginning to wander to my english paper that’s due soon as well.

I think I’m going to go make some hot chocolate and de-stress.

ONE DAY AT A TIME, FRIENDS. ONE DAY AT A TIME.

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