John Elder Robison dealt with Asperger’s Syndrome (AS) for 50 years, which is a milder form of the autism spectrum disorder characterized by significant difficulties in nonverbal communication and social skills. He managed to have a life established; he had a job, was married, and had a son. However, he still wasn’t satisfied and wished to read people better. In an attempt to improve his social cognition and be able to see emotional cues in other people, he underwent transcranial magnetic stimulation experiments (T.M.S.), a non-invasive therapy used to treat depression and that offered promise for many other brain disorders. After taking T.M.S. sessions, “the intervention succeeded beyond [his] wildest dreams”, turning his life upside down. In “An Experimental Autism Treatment Cost Me My Marriage”, Robison describes how he dealt with getting emotions ‘switched on’ after 50 years of Asperger’s.
They say, be careful what you wish for […]. When I got home and closed my eyes, I felt as if I were on a ship at sea. And there were dreams — so real they felt like hallucinations. It sounds like a fairy tale, but the next morning when I went to work, everything was different. Emotions came at me from all directions, so fast that I didn’t have a moment to process them.
[…] Before the T.M.S., discussions of emotions were like cruel taunts to me; it was as if someone were describing beautiful color to a person who saw in black and white. Then, in an instant, the scientists turned on color vision. Even though that vision faded, the memory of its full brilliance will remain with me always.
[…] I’ve learned that the grass is not always greener when it comes to emotional vision. For much of my life, I’d imagined I was handicapped by emotional blindness. When that changed, seeing into other people was overwhelming. Becoming “typical” proved to be the thing that was truly crippling for me. Now I realize that my differences make me who I am — success and failure alike. I’d call that hard-won wisdom.
It’s a fascinating and subversive first person report that brings up a delicate question about the consequences of mitigating Asperger’s effects. Robison describes the bittersweet and existential challenges he faces when travelling from one end of the emotional perception spectrum to the other, to conclude that Asperger’s is a way of being rather than a disease, and therefore there is no cure for it nor a need for one.
Written by Miriam Wagner Valladolid