Today I celebrate one year since I was sexually assaulted. “Celebrate” may not be the right word, but I’m going with it, and here’s why.

Since I was hurt, I have changed. I have realized the people that mean the most to me. There were many people who I wasn’t very close to, and this act brought me closer to them; they were able to empathize and support. Some people, very thankfully, have not been able to empathize but instead sympathizes. All of the people who I chose to be close uplifted me. Most importantly, they allowed me to feel my feelings with no judgement. They allowed me to swear and scream if I needed, they let me stay in bed or would go for a walk with me. They gave me everything they could to help fill me back up with joy and love.

I have been able to reassess my stance on feminism. In second year, I took a Women Studies class which explored the history and current application of feminism. CJ, a woman working within Access and Diversity at UBC, came into our class to talk about “the F word” campaign on campus. This campaign began with the goal of reclaiming the word feminism. I had previously thought that feminists hated men, always wanted to be in the power position and wouldn’t allow anyone to open the door for them. I didn’t research this idea any more until I was sexually assaulted. I have since learned that feminist are people who believe that all people, regardless of sex, gender, race, religious beliefs, and social status, should be treated equally and with respect. I am completely on board with this.

Most importantly, I have reengaged with my faith in a new way. I was broken; I was so so broken by my own decisions and actions as well as another’s actions against me. I had no one else to lean on but Jesus, especially with my dark thoughts and moments of shame. He is the one that deserves all the glory for how far I have come in the past 365 days. I no longer feel shame. I no longer feel filled with anger and rage. I no longer feel scared when I am one-on-one with a strange man. He helped me through all of that by allowing peace into my heart, love in my soul, and a throng of people, of both those who love Him and those who don’t, to uplift me.

Please hear me in this: I do not celebrate the act that was done against me. What I do celebrate are the people who helped me, the God who always loves me, and the ideology that I have now adopted. It has been one year and I still cry when I think of it, when I write this, when I know how much it tore up the people around me, when I think about the other millions of people who have had to battle through as I have. I have found hope in the darkness.

“Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good” Romans 12:21

Here’s a song that has been on my heart for 365 days. The bridge speaks to my soul: Even what the enemy means for evil, You turn it for our good. You turn it for our good and for Your glory. Even in the valley, You are faithful. You’re working for our good, You’re working for our good and for Your glory.